am i losing him?

Question

i had been suffering with my health for a while and it messed my head in i neglected my role as a wife and my husband and in that time my husband befriended another married woman,problem is the messages i have seen are too intimate to be just friends, and i confronted them both and they say they are just friends. he told me twice that he was going out with his friends and i found out he was spending 6hrs with her in her house. messages included i love you, miss you want you, from her and my husband and that he had a secret mobile phone to text her. we are trying to get over it as they both say i am reading to much into it. she has added him as a HOT FRIEND on facebook. I just cant get it out my mind that he was saying these things to her and spending that time with her he wont stop seeing or messaging her and it is killing me, i also think he doesnt realise how hurtful it is to me, i am his wife i give him everything i have and more i just cant stand this woman being in his life.

Answer 1

Trust your gut and don't let him tell you that you're overreacting. He is being very deceitful. He has to completely cut this woman off and attend counseling with you, or your should leave.

Whatever failings you might have had, he is still your husband, he still promised to be faithful to you. He is not being faithful if he has secret cell phones and lies about his whereabouts. If he doesn't want to work to save the marriage, then leave, because it's not possible to "win" someone back.

Answer 2

Your husband started this as an emotional affair, probably while you were in your state. He was probably caring for you at the time and required a confidant. It's escalated into a physical one. They are not going to tell you the truth. He needs to know you are serious and that there is a price to pay should he continue this contact with her. That price is that you will leave him, plain and simple. He may very well actually want you to leave. Boys behave badly when they don't want to leave you and be the bad guy, be considered a douche bag and all that goes with it. The fact that he says one thing and does another speaks volumes. Watch what he does, not what he says. If his actions continue, get your courage up and leave because he's not going to stop his behavior. It's diplorable but he isn't going to stop. He knows what he's doing, don't think he doesn't. Men are just not that dumb, plus you've told him. Good luck and my prayers are with you.

Answer 3

If you were having health problems he should have been there for you, not spending his time doing who knows what with her. Since he is refusing to give her up I suggest you start getting your affairs in order. (stashing money away)

Do not leave him (leave that for him to do, as it looks better in court) Document all contact that you know they are having (for court latter)

In the meantime...pamper yourself. Get fit, new clothes, get a new hobby, go out (especially when he is with her).

If you have children make sure he is doing his fair share of taking care/spending time with them as if it comes down to a divorce he is not walking away scott free (50/50 custody is the way to go)

Don't nag him (I am sure you have already told him his behavior is inappropriate and you were not born yesterday) Do make sure the other married woman's husband knows what is going on and find out what his take is on the situation.

You can only change another persons behavior by your own and sometimes not even then. Good Luck.

Answer 4

You should not have to stand for this woman being in his life; they have gone way over the line of friendship. Problem is, he is emotionally and possibly sexually attracted to her. He, of course, does not wish to give this up. Stand up to him and tell him how it is making you feel; have a real honest talk with him; no blaming or arguing - just how you feel about the relationship and why. You must let him know that you love him but this outside influence is poison to your marriage. Please go to www.marriagebuilders.com and chat with others who are experiencing what you are right now. They have many suggestions and tools to help you in this situation. Either way it turns out, the best of luck to you.

Answer 5

So he wasn't paying attention to the part in his marriage vows where he promised to be true during sickness and health? Look at this as I (an outsider)am. You got sick, he used that as an excuse to cheat. Now the cheaters are telling you that there is nothing to it. What was it that you expected them to say? "Yes, of course we are involved in a hot sexual relationship while you clean the toilets?"

Honey, get a lawyer and get this JA out of your life. Don't you deserve better than to be the butt of their joke?

Answer 6

just come and tell him that he leaves her a lone or you and him are over life is to short to have to worry all the time when he married you it was for better or worse and now that you are sick he thinks he can go some where else tell him to get it to together or get out don't take it from him he is cheating on you get it all out in the open it would be better to be alone then with someone that is like him

Answer 7

yep, you have already lost him... this is cheating, even if no sex involved...friends? they are friends that are screwin' around! sigh! he lies to you so he does not have to pay alimony and child support! dump him... he's cheating... and not admitting to it... he should be telling you these things, not her! you are not reading too much into this! ultimatum time... he does not care about you if he continues this w/ her! tell him it's you, or her... and mean it! don't settle! and him saying he chooses you is not enough... he has to show it and stay away from her totally, forever... forsaking all others was the vow, I take it seriously! good luck... don't let him walk all over you =(...

Answer 8

This just cannot go on.

See a lawyer and follow your heart and the lawyer's advise, you need to protect your interest.