but I just found out that he has posted two different adds for 'discreet encounters' on two different sites...we don't live in the same town right now, but have been together for seven years (six of those years we lived together)...I am away at school, but only a few hours away...we had some problems right before I went to school (he was hanging out with a friends girlfriend, and made out with her a couple of times when they were wasted)...i thought that was behind us and now we are supposed to be planning our future..are these 'discreet encounters' something I should be worried about? should I just call off the engagement? I want him to know why if I do, so how do I tell him I was spying on his email and found out about these postings?
2007-10-08 01:20:59 · 36 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Decide if you want to end the relationship. If you decide to end it, end it. Your reasons are immaterial. When ya end a relationship, it's over, so why should you care about explaining your reasons? If you decide to end it, it will be because he betrayed your trust. Betraying trust SHOULD make you not want to have anything to do with him, so what is the point of telling him ANYTHING but "it's over"
2007-10-08 01:40:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do NOT get married. You will never be able to fully trust him. If he hasn't cheated, he is just looking for the right opportunity. Anybody who has placed those adds is not honest. Even if he placed them a long time ago you were still together and they should have been removed either way. Tell him that a friend saw the postings and contacted you. Tell him you want something more out of life. Get you stuff together, get everything back from his place without mentioning anything and then DUMP THE SCUM! I promise, you will have less heart ache in the end. I'm very very sorry for your loss.
2007-10-08 01:27:35 · answer #2 · answered by Jenny B 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes these discreet encoutners are something you should be worried about. Do you want to spend the rest of your life wondering what he is doing? Even if he isnt, your still going to question him. As for the spying, all you can do is be honest about that, which is a hell of a lot more than he is doing. The man is a serial cheater. Get rid of him, the sooner the better.
2007-10-12 01:18:29 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have all of the proof that you need. He is a cheater. You need to move on. How much more are you going to take?
You need to realize that you deserve better. This is not a good man. You deserve to have a real man in your life that wants you. This guy is very disrespectful of you and your relationship. Did you plan on having an open relationship?
Call off the engagement. Take some time to yourself. Enjoy your friends and family. Find a REAL MAN!
Marriage does not change anyone. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who will always have excuses as to why he did this.
2007-10-08 01:29:28 · answer #4 · answered by Tadpoler 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you can't trust him BEFORE the wedding, there's no way you can trust him after. By all means tell him. He may try to turn it on you for spying, but what he is doing is way worse. And anyway, you must have had a clue about him, or else you wouldn't have been checking upon him to begin with. End it, and move on. I think you have wasted enough of your life on him.
I would assume you went back to school so you could have a better future. I don't think he is part of that equation.
2007-10-08 02:03:44 · answer #5 · answered by ♦justme♦ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are these 'discreet encounters' something you should be worried about? Well, no, not if you don't mind the man you're planning to get married putting his penis inside other women. Not if you don't mind the possibility that he could get another woman pregnant and be forced to pay child support the first 18 years of your marriage. Not if you don't mind the chance he could bring you a nice, festering STD. No, I don't think 'discreet encounters' are anything to be worried about at all.
2007-10-08 01:26:07 · answer #6 · answered by Happy-2 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Chances are he is not going to change, unless you are planing an so call open marriage, you need to break it off now.
Just say you found out and you cannot stand this, it is best that he has the freedom to do as he pleases, you do not wish to tie him down with engagement and the marriage and say no more, informed him that you would like an amicble clean perminant break without any strings attached.
Good part about it is you are not together so there is no baggage to worry about.
2007-10-08 01:49:21 · answer #7 · answered by minootoo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Omg please call it off. You don't trust him, he's a liar and a cheat. Count your blessings that you found this out now and move along. Life is too short and marriage is too hard to start it already knowing he won't put you first. I would tell him that after thinking about it, you are both too young and immature to get married. Give him back his ring and move on.
My daughters divorce was final a week ago. She married a man who she thought would change because she is a good person. He didn't and after a year engagement, the wedding and buying a house, he left her for another woman after 4 months. Liars and cheats never ever change. Ever.
2007-10-08 01:33:13 · answer #8 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely - yes, you should call off the engagement. This guy is not ready to settle down and you would be setting yourself up for a life of heartache. Tell him exactly why you're calling things off. Don't let him make you feel guilty for "snooping." You obviously had a reason to. Trust your instincts and let this go. You're going to be so much happier in the long run.
2007-10-08 01:53:52 · answer #9 · answered by Mel 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is a commitment and often a hard one at that. When one person asks another to marry, that is making that commitment to be together and the fact he posted those ads shows that he asked you to marry without that commitment to you and so you are not committed to him either and and should tell him the wedding is off.
One thing else you will find, as you finish school your life will change as you get into the field you are studying for. Your income will increase as will your circle of friends and associates, and you will probably find someone more suited to who you will be then as opposed to who you are now.
Good Luck to you.
2007-10-08 02:15:29 · answer #10 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he is cheating on you now he will later after you are married!
Call off the engagement and just tell him you were shown by someone else about the postings!
Trust is such a big thing in a marriage! If you can't trust him not when can you?
2007-10-08 01:37:32 · answer #11 · answered by AussieLady 58 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋