Why do women, married and with children to raise, succumb to an affair?

Question

In my mind, it is obviously the woman’s fault that she goes astray, no one else’s. I know someone who is having an affair.

Should I or should I not tell the husband? So sad that this kind of decadence is creeping into many families. I wish women will see the need for strengthening family ties not just by providing material needs but also by providing role models who are morally upright and God-fearing individuals.

Answer 1

For the same reason men do as well... because they can and/or they feel there is a lacking of something in their relationship, excitement, sex, etc.

You can always be a REAL friend and rather than out of your own personal judgement (or ulterior motive) trying to end their marriage by exposing her to her husband, you can address her and find out what's going on or at least offer her your friendly ear if she needs someone to talk to.

I always say, you don't know what's in the pot unless it's you who's doing the stirring and apparently, you're not even holding the spoon. It's not affecting you directly, you're not a part of that family nucleus. You're not the wife, husband or their children. You're simply a judgemental, nosey "friend". I suggest, if you're not going to be the real friend by offering genuine assistance that you mind your business and let them be.

Answer 2

My guess is that it's due to rubbish communication between the couple!! There could be lots of reasons, not that I condone any of them! There may be little love left between them, but she may feel afraid of leaving him. She may feel he gives little affection or takes advantage of her, or she may be an opportunist, enjoying the fact that someone else is paying her attention.

I would say it isn't your place to tell the husband, but if you know this woman well or she is your friend, maybe have a word with her and let her know that you know. Let her know what she could potentially end up losing and if she won't listen/end the affair/make the break and it's putting you in a difficult position, you might just have to sit on the sidelines and be there for her when it all comes to the sorry end that these things tend to do. I am sure you won't collude with the affair!!

Not sure about the god-fearing bit.

Answer 3

You are right in your opinions and beliefs. But you need to leave it at that - just your beliefs. You do not know what kind of marriage they have behind closed doors, they are likely many factors that led her to the affair. Is it wrong and hurtful? Absolutely. And you should be commended for trying to protect the wellbeing of her husband, but these are dangerous waters. You need to stay out of it. What you know will ultimately destroy their marriage, and you will not feel good about that. Especially if children are involved. Imagine the hurt, anger and shame of her husband - now magnify that times 10 because YOU told him rather than him finding out another way. Please, just take this sort of behavior as a lesson, or guide to which you will not lead your life. There are many reasons spouses cheat, none of them right, but to the cheater alot of times it serves as a crutch for something. Let this be their battle, for the benefit of all involved, stand back. I think if you really think about the consequences of you telling, verse letting this husband find out on his own - you will see the greater benefit. Do you really want to cause him so much pain? And what if it were he who was cheating, does that make cheating any different? I believe that men and woman may go about cheating and handle the cheating for different reasons, but it both comes down to betrayal. The best thing you can do is be his friend, now and when it all comes to light - without adding your discovery to it. Maybe try to talk to her, could it be that if you heard her side you may see things in a different light, or maybe even stop her from cheating? Think about it, and good luck.

Answer 4

No you should not tell the husband !!! It is none of your business . being Morally Upright and Godfearing isn't everything . I recall the morally upright Godfearing people I used to meet at church ; who criticied everyone who hadn't been to church , but wouldn't lift a finger to help their neighbour in need . Some women have an affair because they are lonely and bored ; the emotional love has gone out of their marrige , their husband works hard ; is tired when he gets home and doesn't make love as much , or as ardently as before .

Answer 5

WHAT has god got to do with it? NOTHING.

Its both sexes that cheat not just women and it's the cheater's fault as well as the person they cheat with fault.

As to do you tell the husband , NO , you stay out of it , if it upsets you end the damn friendship and go find drama on tv , because she'll appologise and cry and make love to him he'll put barrier's up , take the sex she gives and everything will be lardy dar while you the honest person will be outcast from your group of friends for betraying a trust , thats friendship for ya fun isnt it?.

Answer 6

In your mind it is "obviously the woman's fault"?

What if her husband is not helping out around the house? Feeding the baby, changing nappies/diapers and even taking baby out to give Mum a rest?

There are TWO parents, not a mother and a bloke she's married too. If after the birth she is finding it difficult to get in shape, he may not be interested in her, either sexually or even romantically. So, she will look for that elsewhere...

Women have needs as well.

You first stop should be to talk to the woman and ask her why. try to see it from her point of view first. You could even help her out to get her man interested in her again.

If you do tell him, be prepared for the consequences. If he leaves her, she'll be on her own to bring up a baby. Her 'other' partner will likely no longer be interested in her if she has a child in tow. Could you live with that?

Answer 7

My, we are a busybody aren't we? Mind your own business and keep your judgments to yourself. Those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. I think you know where that comes from, and it might be a good idea to browse through again, you missed the point the first time.

Answer 8

Why fault just women? Cheaters are scum, and the sex of scum is immaterial As for if you should inform the spouse, that depends. Are you prepared to bust EVERY cheater you become aware of? Even if it's your boss, your brother, or your best friend? Unless you are going to out every cheater, keep your mouth shut. Otherwise, you are just a hypocrite.

Answer 9

I agree, tell the husband, it's the right thing to do, after all, you would want to know if your spouse was cheating, wouldn't you?... good luck, God Bless! =) the kids don't deserve to be around a woman who has no morals and has no idea of the meaning of marraige!

Answer 10

um... what about men having the affairs... anyway this has happened since time, its nothing new, its just more reported about it...
it comes down to the individual and the individual circumstances... we need to communicate more and love everyday, stop getting caught in the rat race and enjoy old values and each others company.