I have been married for 10 yrs and with him for 15 yrs and 4 yrs ago I found out that he was a drug addict, I have put up with years of mental abuse and even though he is at the bottom of the barrel and starting to get better I just do not feel the same about him anymore. I left him over a month ago and he just keeps asking if there is hope and I do not know how to break his heart easy. There is also more I have been seeing someone new that I really like alot and he is good to me, I can not tell my husband that because he would freak out. I have 3 boys also. If anyone has any suggestions or help for me please feel free to help, be honest to what you think I should do Please.
2007-10-07 19:10:03 · 24 answers · asked by kschall2 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I was never exposed to any kind of drugs in my life so I had no idea and the habit started after we moved from michigan to las vegas 6 yrs ago
2007-10-07 19:19:42 · update #1
Aw come on. If you want him to understand you don't want to be married, file for divorce. That WILL show him you don't want to be married to him.
2007-10-08 04:29:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I was in your same predicament a few years back and I hind sight vision is 20/20. There is no easy way to let someone down. You need to be straight forward with him and tell him how you really feel. Don't lead him into false hope because it will only end up being dragged out. It sounds like you've already started your life somewhat with someone else anyway. Your husband doesn't need to know. File for divorce and let the proceedings begin. He's on drugs. Why should you feel sorry for him? My husband was on drugs too and I WISH I would have filed for divorce a long time ago. I wasted so much time.
2007-10-07 19:34:56 · answer #2 · answered by trudy_0 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Be honest to him, try to find a moment that he look lucid, as well let him know that you are not agree to live like that, that he must look for help. Whenever you choose to do that talk with him, don't go alone, ask a friend go with you, be in a public place where even if he becomes aggressive nothing will happen.
Try to make the appropriate talking to your kids, that's gonna be something that perhaps a therapist can really help you.
As well, take step by step all of this, if the new partner in your life knows all what is happening you now, it could help him to be supportive with you, as well you will see if he is the person for you, they say that you know people more in the bad times than in the good times, only friends stay for all.
Think about this decision very carefully, in order to be a strong mom for your kids, they will need a mom that shows them how to get through trouble's times no matter what.
Hope you will be OK.
2007-10-07 19:34:30 · answer #3 · answered by Dragonheart 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Tell him there is no hope, file for divorce, and move on with your life. You are doing no one anygood by prolonging what is going to happen anyway. You can not ignore a problem and expect it to go away, it will not get better with time, but it may very well get worse. So face up to the decision you have made and let him know you are moving on without him. Sure he will be hurt, but how much have you been hurt over the years you have been with him. Also I would be very concerned about raising my children around a druggie. That is very important reason to leave.
2007-10-07 19:39:21 · answer #4 · answered by K K 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are not being completely honest. There's more, and you know it better than I do.
"I really like him a lot and he's good to me?" What kind of an adult and mother are you, anyway? You are not a princess; you are the head of a household, with a husband and three boys.
There are three children who need two parents. They are more important than the both of you. People have had worse problems and worked them out, making the children they love and who need them the focus of their marriage.
You "just found out" he was an addict? You still have the responsibility of dealing with your situation, rather than running to someone else. If your husband wants to work it out and you don't want to do so, admit it, file for divorce, and take the responsibility for your decision; otherwise, get to a marriage counselor and help your husband on the road to recovery.
And stop feeling sorry for yourself.
2007-10-07 19:43:45 · answer #5 · answered by iintrepidone 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
This is very hard especially with your husband and his problem but the best thing I can tell you to is the truth tell him in the most attentive way that you can not be with him that you care but the situation has tured to rigid corners and it is not working out that it has been the best 15 years of your life but it is not working out. But please before you do anything bring a cell phone in had a friend waiting in the car just in case he tries to do something. 15 years is a long time and it is very hard to let go but think of you self and your child you do not want to have that influence on them you do not want them to think that it is okay for there father to do drugs. They are the most important thing that you have and you need to know this. For you to you do not need someone that will hurt you. If he loves you he will understand and he will let you go.
2007-10-10 11:56:30 · answer #6 · answered by Lost 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Girlfriend, feeling ya on this subject. You have done everything possible to make this marriage but ....it takes two to make it work. What a person doesn't understand that the more and more stress you put on a person the less they are going to feel for you especially if you are not trying and until to do the exact same crap over and over again. For example, my husband has a girlfriend and a baby but he will not leave her go and have a DNA test. He keeps taking pieces of my heart til now I have no feelings left for the man. He can't make me want him back. Same as your situation....think about it. Do what is best for your sons and you?
2007-10-07 19:35:12 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Wow, that is so sad! Serve him with divorce papers! You have to be kinda mean.. Otherwise he won't get it.. Tell him, that he married the drugs,and chose that life instead of being happy, and in love with you. You DO deserve to feel love,and have that fairy tail type relationship... Always remember that...
2007-10-07 19:55:32 · answer #8 · answered by I Love My Family 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
sorry to hear that, u got urself a doper, my ex wife was the same way. when i started to complain because she was taking the kids grocery money, she started to beat me. it was awful. i final got enough courage to leave and i took the kids too. things are better now for the kids and her but it was a long road for her. i'm just glad that the kids can at least visit with her. i love her too, i'm thinking about asking her to marry me again. hope things work out for the best
2007-10-07 19:37:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You don't know how to break his heart the easy way- that's because there is no easy way. You have to just rip the bandage off quickly. Tell him you have lost all romantic feelings for him and you need for both of you to move on.
2007-10-07 19:14:26 · answer #10 · answered by smeelola 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You're setting a wonderful example for your sons. Just when they think Daddy is getting better, Mommy leaves him for a new man. They will never trust women because you are teaching them that their best will never be good enough, and marriages are disposable. Gold star.
Oh, and thank you for being honest ron.
2007-10-07 19:29:16 · answer #11 · answered by savoryjawbox 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋