why do I feel guilty?

Question

*MATURE ANSWERS ONLY

I have 3 small children, I am in the middle of a move across the country by myself my husband is deployed unfortunatly and I go to school full time (working on my masters)so to say the least I am a little stressed. I rarely drink (twice a year MAYBE)and if I do its maybe a small cup or 1 beer, if that, I want to take a shot of liquor which I know will help my stress tonight and calm me, but I feel bad....why?...I know realisticly that I am not neglecting my kids (they are in bed) but the last few days have been soooo stressful and I have absolutely no friends to confidentially confide in......no i wont take medication or do any drugs... so please dont recommend that.

oh wow wine sounds like a better idea tha liquor..thanks.

lol no there is no history of alcoholism in my family (to the asker below). Actually nobody in my family is a drinker.

Answer 1

Well HELLOOOOOOOOOOOO who wouldn't be stressed. I'm sure one glass won't hurt, and if your that worried. Then have some tea or make some hot chocolate or load up a bowl of ice cream. If you think that would make you feel better, or just kick back put your feet up and relax on the sofa.
Try not to stress yourself out ( easy said then done) make it a point to use Yahoo answers as a fun thing to look forward to at nights, that might take your mind of your busy life right now.

Answer 2

Wine is a far more socially acceptable and healthier alternative.

A shot is the kind of thing that drunk college kids do. You knock it back and then the drunk sensation hits you in a fairly uncontrolled manner. I don't think this is something you want to be doing.

A nice glass of wine will give you the same nice feeling but in a much more controlled and adult way.

You can pick which you'd rather. White is served chilled from the refrigerator, and can be nice and refreshing. Red is served at room temperature and is theoretically more healthy. Blush is a red/white mix that is also served chilled.

If you are not much of a drinker try a Shiraz (Red), Chianti (Red), Pinot Grigio (White), or a White Zinfandel (Blush). If you want a really good value consider Barefoot wine, it's all pretty good, and not too expensive.

Ignore those idiots that are trying to label you an alcoholic or tell you are on a slippery slope to drug addiction or Hell. Their viewpoint is ridiculous. There is nothing wrong with the occasional glass of wine. This isn't 1920.

Answer 3

You should feel guilty. After all, you drink because you claim stress. How could you feel stress? All you've got going on is a deployed husband, a long distance move, children, and studying for your masters degree. Nothing at all stressful about any of that!!!! Lady, where you ARE wrong is expect yourself to be perfect. Heck, anybody in your situation IS gonna feel stress. Even Wonder Woman. Girl, give yourself a break. Unless you start carrying a flask, and nipping at it day and night, a couple drinks now and then is nothing. As long as you get a bit of relaxation from an occasional drink- have an occasional drink. Humans have been doing that for thousands of years. You seem sensible, and unlikely to allow alcohol to become a problem. It ain't broke, don't worry about fixing it.

Answer 4

I'm not a drinker either - actually anti-alcohol/liquor... but sometimes it feels good just to let go. My ex-husband was deployed (in stupidity) ha! The bad thing though... is the possibility of a hangover. (not good when you have to get up with the "wee ones" :) have a glass of wine, take a bath, do your nails... chill out. Being a full time mommy while the hubby is away - plus the stress of everything else, you need a little break!

Answer 5

I can understand why you are stressed. It will get better. Having a drink if fine. You are not neglecting your kids by doing that. Do not make a habit of it or it will be a problem. You have a lot on your plate but you seem to be going in the right direction. When you get moved in to your new place you need to make some friends. People from school or play dates for the kids. Are you moving to base? If you are there are probably other women there whose husbands are also deployed. They also are probably in need of some friendship. There are people out there, get out and meet them. Stay strong and keep up the good work. It will get better.

Answer 6

Your situation sounds similar to mine, except my child's father has unfortunately decided to not be involved. I think your guilt may lie deeper than the bottom of your drink. Perhaps you may feel a bit guilty that your children's father is not around on a regular basis to help raise them. You feel like they are missing out on valuable, quality time with their father and feel that a two-parent home is best (afterall that's what we are all told), however it is only you and your children right now. I may be wrong but for me I don't make up for my child's lack of a father by dating other men so they can have a male figure or excessively indulging them. I make up for it by imposing the highest of standards upon myself so that I am the best parent I can possibly be since there is nothing I can do to make the father appear and things be all hunky dory. The guilt you may feel about having a drink may stem from your perception that alcohol consumtion is a weakness and for you to be weak could mean you are in some way failing in your responsibilities to your children.

Also, one thing I discovered and did not expect when I became a mother is that you seem to lose your identity as just yourself. All you do is care for the kids, people only ask about how the kids are doing not you, and people expect you to be totally responsible for everything that happens to your child or that your child does. For one, these expectations are ridiculous - children like adults are human beings and sometimes will just do or say things we wish they wouldn't - but it should not necessarily reflect on the mother that we are a bad parent. I guess what I'm getting at is that you are a great mother simply because you are a mother. Your children are healthy, happy, and have a wonderful mother. Take some time to find who you are again as I am sure since you had your first child you haven't had a chance to. Know that the judgements of others aren't well grounded - hypocrisy is inherent at every PTA meeting. Know that although deployment is incredibly difficult on a family, you will get through it and your children know their father loves them and you with all his heart. It's ok to let your guard down once and a while and having a drink is just fine. We all do what we have to to get us through the day, it's ok.

Answer 7

There could possibly be few reasons why you feel guilty about drinking even though you dont do it all the time. One reason is that you are drinking because you are stressed and that is just one way of becoming an alcoholic. Another reason is that you know you are drinking while you have three SMALL children in yor house and no one else around and something could happen. But you shouldnt feel bad because you are not drinking in front of your kids and they are taking care of. Drinking is bad for you though so try to quit it period.

Answer 8

Alcohol is not the answer. And you are wise enough to know it otherwise you wouldn't 'feel bad'. You have a great deal to cope with and NOBODY would handle it all without feeling stressed. But there are better things than alcohol, which carries too many risks, one of which is that if it does make you feel better you will be inclined to use it again, and then again (I've been there). Get a good book on deep breathing and relaxation techniques, do yoga, meditation, take the kids for a walk, jog around the block. Is there a counselor at college who can help? There are a host of things you can do but follow your intuition and don't rely on alcohol.

Answer 9

Sweetie using alcohol to relax is self medicating. Is there a history of alcoholism in your family? If not I would not worry too much about a small amount to take the edge off. Just remember your kids are better off with you not stressed than with you about to pull your hair out. Definitely see your doctor and find out what suggestions he may have for you.

Answer 10

your stressed a glass of wine and a nice bubble bath would calm you down. there is nothing wrong for you wanting time for yourself to calm yourself down . good luck with your move. I know military moves when the husband is away is stressful!! but it will be ok