Dillema - hang in or let go?

Question

3 years back I married a nice woman. At that time I supported her for her career in every way I could (I changed few jobs even shifted to a new country for her). Today I find myself only giving and not receiving back anything! The problem is that she's very obsessed with her career (which is yet to start!). I'm fine with all that provided it is balanced. I was recently disillusioned when she unilaterally decided and joined a school (4000 miles away) completely ignoring how I felt. I still didn't want to blow it up and yet again got a new job in her city so we could stay together. But before moving there I asked her these questions:
1) Do you realize you were wrong in what you did? (She says she was right, though it could've been handled better)
2) What can you live without - your husband or the career? (Answer is awaited; 3 days gone.)
A woman for whom I've been trying to do my best needs so long to decide if she values me more than the materialistic things! I'm not sure what to do

Answer 1

It sounds very one-sided. But that doesn't mean you're ready to walk away. You have to ask yourself what you want out of this marriage. From the outside, it doesn't sound good for you. But maybe there are things that are holding you there that other people won't see or understand. Only you know when you're ready to move on. If you still love her, then maybe you're not ready. But she does sound very selfish. Maybe she's waiting for you to stand up to her. And as long as you let her get away with behaving this way, she will. But if you stand up to her, you may throw the balance off and she could leave. So be sure you're ready for that.

Answer 2

I suspect that she will leave you when the school is done, sadly. There was a study once done that showed the divorce rate among couple when one of the partners was attending school was extremely high because of the change in lifestyle once the partner graduating went to work in their field - I think the figure was some 80 or 90 % in law or medicine. From what you say here, it sounds like your marriage is one of those that won't make it so it is a question of whether you want the divorce now or when she is through with school.

Answer 3

I'd tell her you need an answer to question 2. and now. If you're not important enough for her to see what she's doing wrong, then it's time for you to stop carrying her. Tell her if she still feels the need to go to school that far away, then she can pay for it herself and do it all without you. I feel for ya, hun. I had a friend that went through the same thing a few years back and she ended up leaving him anyway. AFTER he paid for 4 years of medical school. Keep that in mind while you're making your decision about her.

Answer 4

well true love isn't one sided, it's mutual and it doesn't sound like that to me. you have done your part but don't end it yet. talk to her , let her know that you are seriously thinking like this and that you're not bluffing. Talk to her and try to have her compromise her career with you. i think 3 years is plenty of time to launch a career. but just let her know whats going on in your head. and if she hesitated on your second question that should be a huge sign that somethings not right between you two.

Answer 5

i guess you need to ask her those questions and if thats the way she feels then it looks to me shes got her mind made up of what she wants in life.. ask her if your part of that or not.. if not you know you need to move on and find someone that would love the way you treat a women. good luck

Answer 6

Here are answered to your Qs:
Yes you did put her in the spot...Take it or leave it. That's how i truly am. My career comes before you. If you decide to divorce me, go ahead I don't care....
Sad, sad, sad......
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