Help with an ex PLEASE!!!!! Why won't he let me go?

Question

I dated a guy about 4 years ago for about 5 months. We only had sex twice in that time. He was older than me (about 18 years) and I quickly decided the relationship wasn't right for me. But, after 4 years, he still calls me at least twice a month. He still tells me that he loves me and wants us to get back together. I haven't initiated contact with him since I broke things off 4 years ago. I'm in another relationship now with someone I think I could marry. I don't want anything to do with this man, but he won't take NO for an answer. He rides by my house. He calls me at work. He calls my cell phone and blocks his number. I've changed my number more than once, but he always manages to get it somehow. I don't know what else I can do to make him understand that it is OVER between us and that I DON'T LOVE HIM! What else can I do? I really need some good advice.

Answer 1

I'd get a restraining order...he's getting stalker like and you never know what he might do...especially if he hasnt' found out you're in a new relationship yet.
And nothing says I dont' love you like a court order!
Good luck

Answer 2

wow i was in a really similar relationship. i got mine to leave me alone by freaking out on him and saying really hurtful things. I also had to change my number 4 times before he left me alone. The only thing to do is to ignore him no matter what and tell him some mean stuff like you never loved him, u used him, just relly mean stuff even if it isnt true, and if that doesnt work then call the cops and have a restraining order on him. other than that i dk what else to do except the restraining order. n ma stalker was also a lot older than me..what is it with these obsessive old men? and i cant promise that will work but thats what i did and he still calls every once in a while, mostly from a blocked number or a new number and i know how stressful this is and i wish the best of luck for you and ill pray for you oh or you can be nice and tell him if he really loves you that he would want you to be happy and that him leaving you alone would make you happy and the guy you are with now makes you happy and that you will never get back with him! good luck

Answer 3

It is VERY simple: CONTROL. Typically, a man (or a woman) that dates someone who is much younger is looking to control the other person. Controlling someone is what makes them feel secure. It's a complete false sense of security and it's irrational yet, they don't see that. In some other cases, it's a mother/father figure. Either way, society always says "age makes no difference". OF COURSE IT DOES. It makes a HUGE difference. We evolve, grow, mature and experience things every day and commonly, people within a close age group grow in similar ways. So someone with a 16 year difference has very little in common with their partner because of the experiences, growth and maturity they've lived. Make sense? Now that we've explained his behavior - which by the way is completely backed by his behavior (stalking), his control issues are borderline dangerous and illegal. No, he's not threatening you BUT, that doesn't mean he isn't trying to in his own way. It's probably time you got a retraining order JUST to make a point that what you are telling him, you mean. He thinks that a little more control will do the trick but the problem is that the more you resist (because this is what you want), the harder he thinks he has to push. Again, irrational. But you CAN NOT rationalize with an irrational person which is why a restraining order does that for you. It says "Listen, you didn't listen to me, I have moved on with my life and i'm going to let the courts communicate this to you since you're not listening to me". This should do the trick. Otherwise, you may find yourself in a very unfortunate situation and the man you're with may get sick of the fact that you can't take care of the past. So be strong and take care of it. It's not that big of a deal to go do. Good luck.

Answer 4

First of all how could you only have sex twice in 4 years?? that is strange but anyway this guy sounds older adn desperate! I think he liked the idea of being with a younger girl and you gave him that! I think you need to tell him if he does not leave you alone, you will get he police to give you a restraining order against him cos he is beginning to stalk you or start by telling him that if he loved you, he would want you to be happy and you are happy with your current partner. I hope he understands.

Answer 5

The next time he calls you, tell him that you are with someone else, and if he calls or passes by your house again, you are going to report him to the police for stalking you. Hang up the phone and if it happens, definitely call the police! This man sounds obsessed with you.

Answer 6

If you are not changing your number to a private one then he will always have it. I am sure you are telling him that you dont love him, but he might not be hearing what you are saying. Dont be like most women and say something like i just dont feel that way for you right now or i dont want to be with you right now. Just be straight up with how you feel. Just say I dont want to be with you and hope you can find happieness to. I am sorry but i just dont feel that way anymore i love someone else.

Answer 7

He sounds like a fruit basket. I was actually married to someone just like that who was from NC. Maybe it's the water? Advice? Call the cops. It's all that will work...

Answer 8

Creepy! This guy sounds obsessed and who knows what he's capable of doing. Get a restraining order ASAP!

Answer 9

Let your current guy know. If he needs help dealing with the creep, Im off on Tuesday and Wednesday this week.

Answer 10

Umm if it's that serious
i would get a restraning order on him Cause that can always lead to extremly bad danger. So if he is that obsessive i think you should get the police involved.