Why do bad things happen to good people?

Question

I am a very good woman, I was married and took care of my husband at home for 5 years, he was paralyzed from the neck down and on life support. Even though he was in the bed like that, he was verbally abusive there was times when I thought he didn't appreciate me I never had an affair on him and I gave up 5 years of my life for him now he has passed away 2 yrs. ago. I am seeing my childhood sweetheart I know he loves me but he is so lazy he can't work he has pins in both ankles and doctors said he might not be able to work. I am from a town where it is very hard to get a job(Morgan City Louisiana) and the men here can only get jobs in the shipyard, women can only get jobs in a fast food pace or a grocery store, or gas station.I travel 45 min to the next town just to work in the hospital. Just once I would love to get flowers (roses) and a man to say it will be okay. I am 36 and never recieved flowers.

Answer 1

man thats sounds horrible, you should just start saving your money and get out of that town and start posting your profile on a dating site....

Answer 2

You seem to be asking SEVERAL questions.

First .... You want to know why Bad things happen to Good
People.

My response to that is .... that Bad things HAPPEN!!!

Bad things happen to good people and bad things (also)
happen to bad people.

You also mention that you are 36 and you have never received flowers. Yet .... you "seem" to be attracted to men
that are "needy" and abusive. (Well .... you said that your
husband was verbally abusive....)

You sound like you want to be happy. And you want to be
"made to feel special" ..... There is nothing wrong with that.

In fact .... I would say that you are about OVERDUE for
some pampering.

I believe that until that special man comes along .... the one
that will treat you the way that YOU DESERVE to be treated.

You should pamper YOURSELF!!!

Get a massage .... Treat yourself to a facial, manicure, pedicure .... The works!

I am hoping that you if start treating yourself special .... YOU
will start to believe it .... And that "confidence" will SHINE
through .... And will attract someone that will agree with how
special you deserve to be treated.

You have ALREADY been in a relationship where you were
the primary caregiver for a man with physical challenges. I
would caution you about continuing in another relationship
that "might" be headed that same way! (You mentioned that
your childhood sweetheart) has pins in both ankles ... may not
be able to work!)

I am NOT saying you should LEAVE him.... But I am saying you SHOULD take a hard and serious LOOK at the situation.
It is CERTAINLY time that you started to put YOU first. If you
don't see much opportunity in your current town .... Why not
visit family or friends in another town.... Check out education
and employment opportunities while you are there! Go after
the type of life that you want!

Answer 3

sometimes bad things happen to good people because they establish conditions where the good things can not happen. Try to move into the next town so that you don't have the 45 minute drive and work to build up your confidence. because you cared for your disabled husband for so long - you are a great person for doing that where so many others would not have - you may be subconsciously looking only at the disabled men, like your husband and this childhood sweetheart, in order to be needed.
Make new friends in the new town and start over. You may find that guy who will give you the flowers and reassure you
but you need some time to look rather than going from one case where you are caring for a disabled person to another without a little time for yourself. i feel sorry for the man with the pins in his legs but that would not be a reason for me to get into a relationship with him - especially since I am not gay - lol- and it should not be a reason for you to get into that relationship either. give yourself time to set the conditions where the good things will happen to a good person and that will happen.

Answer 4

First of all, your first husband probably treated you that way because of his medical condition. Having worked for many years with people in wheelchairs, I have come across many that are bitter at being stuck in a wheelchair or bed and will take it out on anyone who is around them. I applaud you for being able to deal with it. Please know, that he probably appreciated it more than you will ever know, he just didnt show it. As far as the current man, I would say that he is taking advantage of you, he has it made you bring home the money and he has to do nothing. Maybe you should relocate to somewhere where he can find a job, even with bad ankles. You deserve better and if he isnt willing to treat you like you should be treated, you are better off without him.

Answer 5

People only treat you the way you allow them to. Okay, your late husband was verbally abusive and ill, but you allowed him to continue. So you honored your marriage vows and took care of him. Then you get involved with someone who is lazy...when what you need is someone who can help you...why would you do that to yourself? I don't think the problem lies with the people you bring into your life, it's with you! You want someone who'll send you flowers? Then don't waste time on someone who doesn't. Someone who works and can help you? Don't get involved with someone who has pins in his ankles and is lazy. A lazy man isn't going to make the effort to send flowers, that's for sure. I say get rid of this guy, take care of yourself, mentally, emotionally, then maybe you'll seek out what you really want. I think you're hell-bent on being the care-taker, being needed & someone being dependent on you. Get some professional help. Good luck!

Answer 6

Do you really love him? Do you love yourself? Look for the tiny blessings in each day...like the fact that you even have a car to get to that hospital job of yours...that you do not have the health problems of these other people, and a million other things you are choosing to not be grateful for because you are wallowing in self pity over what you wish you had instead of what you do. life is hard for most people....harder even than your life, but it's life. to be cherished and enjoyed...want flowers...get them for yourself. no money? pick some wild flowers and put them on your table. If you are really unhappy with where you live start now to plan getting out...but remember you still take you whereever you go. you sound like a woman with a big heart and that can be great...is great...but have a heart for yourself too. step back and figure out why you have this pattern of caregiver/victim and break that chain. get right with you and the right man for you will come along when you least expect it...you deserve it. good luck and God bless!

Answer 7

You did right by your husband. When people are verbally abusive in that sort of situation, they are not to blame; they were not themselves although at times it seemed they were. I promise your husband is thanking you like crazy from heaven, right now. As for your new one, move on! You are falling into a pattern. You work in a hospital and cared for the ill husband. You are a perpetual caregiver. Something in you is at work which makes you a caregiver and take alot of crap, too. You should get rid of this guy and work on yourself to avoid falling into these patterns in the future. When you do, you will meet someone who will be respectful and thoughtful.

Answer 8

Everything that happens in your life (good and bad), happens because you let it happen. Every decision you make has consequences. When you drive through a red light and get smashed by a semi, you relate the action with the consequence. When the consequence comes 2, 5, or 10 years after the action, people miss the link.
Basically, you chose those, non flower bearing, guys as partners. You choose to live in that town. You choose to believe that pins in your ankles prevent you from doing any kind of work at all. You choose to blame it on bad luck when you are the person who steered your life in that very direction. Own up to it. You are not backed in a corner to be battered by bad luck. You have a choice, every second of the day.

Answer 9

"It's hard to find any guy who is willing to get their eyes off the mirror and onto you. I think part of the problem is that you live in a small town. You could drop hints to your childhood sweetheart, such as telling a story about a friend who got flowers and that you are jealous because no one had ever done that for you."

^^All said by my girlfriend just for you =)

Answer 10

Looks like GOD owes you one, sweetie !! Ever think of taking a risk ?? Move to a large town or city (I am from NYC) You will have far more chances to meet a good man there than in a small town,...... My girlfriend flew 10,000 miles to come and live with me. She took a risk !! She is sooo happy now, ... and so am I. Get out there, hun. (I am over 50 and play like a teenager !!)