Girls: How do you deal with your boyfriend/fiance/husbands mother?

Question

I think it is fairly well known that mothers tend to not like who their son is dating, marrying,.... how do you deal with it?

Answer 1

My mother in law is awesome! She doesn't interfere in our marriage. She doesn't try to tell us how to raise our children. She is just a great person. I love her very much and she feels the same way about me.

Answer 2

It is not fairly well known. It is a stereotype and not necessarily true.

But, I understand your question. How do you deal with a mother-in-law (or mother-in-date?) who does not care for the person her son is with? I would say with respect and courtesy. That way she has no reason whatsoever to complain and you will know that you are the bigger person. She may even come to like and respect you, and since you've never given her any reason not to....there will be no hard feelings.

Answer 3

While we all love to have the mil of our dreams doesn't always happen. I am not the dil of her dreams. What matters is her sons loves me.

I am not the same "personality/type" as she. I think she had hoped for somone more like her more into shopping etc.My husband actually wanted someone the opposite-me.

My mil will admit I am repsectful compared to some other former gf's , so I know I am not all bad. She partially, dislikees me because she had a mil who was mean/disliked her, it is what she knows. Passes on.

I have dated guys whose mom's I'd love to call Mom, but well just didn't happen. I have "adpoted" his Aunt (more like me) when her dil allows me too for mil type things.

It is all Mom & son around here. I try to be polite, respectful for it is his Mom. I keep interactions/talks to a minimum on occasions other than holidays/visits. Seems to work out best for all parties.

Nickki is one lucky gal-on these postings. Wish we all found that the man we loved had a mom that loved us and

Good luck that you can find a happy, workable, peaceful balance for you all

Answer 4

I am blessed with a wonderful mother in law who not only accepted and loved me right away, but we see each other at least once a week, have great conversations, and I'd like to think she is proud that her son married me.

Maybe I'm one of the lucky few, but I love my mother in law. I couldn't have asked for a better one.

Answer 5

Well, mother in laws are very what's the word for it - they tend to be well - kneiving. They plan situations and say things a very specific way so that hubby isn't bothered by it - but you personally know it was definitely an insult or a slight. It's not easy but alot of people deal with this. I find that if mother or sister in law are not being nice to me - I don't attend all of the family functions, most of the time I just send hubby with one of the kids. They have a good time and I stay home and do something that is relaxing for me - since they put me on edge whenever I'm around them. Well - you know mother in laws should really learn to like the person their son marries - so should sister in laws - because things get messy when kids come into the picture because mother in law and sister in law will have a gazillion expecations for family closeness and togetherness that are impossible if mother in law and sister in law have issues with the wife. When they go overboard and try to "call me on the carpet" like a child as it were - I simply leave - ask them to leave and I refuse to participate in those conversations. You have to draw the line somewhere and not be a complete doormat and hubby needs to learn to stand behind wife instead of mother and sister - that takes time - but that's the key - my husband isn't quite there yet - but we're making progress. They like to gang up on me and put me down - but I and hubby won't stand for that and have put our foot down in the past. That resulted in less closeness but they refuse to treat us as equal adults capable of adult responsibilities. Until they can respect us and our relationship - nothing will change.

Answer 6

We do our own thing and do not worry about her. Mine has a problem. My husband has three brothers and one has been married twice and she has hated all five of us. I usually tell her like it is when she is being a jerk but my husband also will tell her. I use to try to be nice to her no matter what and then I decided that I did not have to be nice to a person that treated me like crap. I am the only one that does that and now the other three get the majority of her crap because they take it. Let her know that you are not going to take it and she gets what she gives. Good luck to you.

Answer 7

My husband and I have our own family. His parents, as well as mine, are extensions of that family, but not integral parts. To deal with any interference from either side, hubby and I present a united front and back each other up, regardless. As for the mother of the groom not liking his choice of women, I think that time and effort can help to mend that.

Answer 8

It's not that they don't always like them, it's that they are giving up a sense of control over their son. You are now the leading lady in his life. You need to work together to set boundaries. He needs to understand, very gently put, that there is a line his mother is not to cross over, and it is his responsibility to deal with it. If you run off at the mouth about it, you'll probably only cause resentment. Understand, also, that this may be hard for him to deal with. He may think, at first, that you are insulting her. Be gentle, and patient, but be persistent and honest, very, very, honest.

Answer 9

I have had two marriages and two evil mother-in-laws. I stay out of their way and don't take their insults seriously. I never say anything evil about her so I don't loose his respect. At family functions I keep it civil and when the function is at my house she understands that I am Queen in my castle. If she slips up, I ask for her help in serving dessert, take her in MY kitchen and explain the rules to her as often as necessary.

Answer 10

After years of trying to be good, nice, a daughter to my mom in law, i have finally admitted that she will never view me like her daughter. I think I shake her in a way that she is most uncomfortable with and this is not my doing, it is just her fixed mindset and I have decided that when she wants relate to me in a civilized manner, then and only then will I give her the audience of a mother in law.