For years now she has been trying to break us apart...saying things to family and the children about us to cause a bunch of friction...it has in fact made life hard on all, especially the kids. When my husband and I first got together, I would stand up to her and then over time I thought silence would be kinder...it has gotten worse. She told my husband last Friday that she is taking him to court for child support...he is a month ahead...for her car...she was supposed to refinance it but never did.she did this in a music store where one of kids has lessons, all he had asked her was if she was meeting us half way on Sunday. At one of the other kids football games yesterday, she was continuously bashing him to the kids and they were uncomfortable, I was mad. Today her car wouldn't start, she did end up meeting us, my husband ran over and helped her look at what was wrong..I think we just should have taken the kids home, she was yelling at him that she knew he had jumper cables, they
2007-10-07 16:27:53 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
were in our other car. I told her after she yelled this at him the second time that they were in the other car, I said it with attitude and the two oldest kids 15, 16 started telling me to shut up and that it was none of my business. When I got into the car my husband told me it is good that the children feel that they can express themselves, me on the other hand should just be quiet. I am so sick of this. I don't know if I am wrong to be upset or not at this point. I feel that all of this friction is making my husband and I grow apart as I have never been one to tolorate drama in my life. I am angry and feel that I have a right to be. Do you?
2007-10-07 16:30:44 · update #1
Sorry this is so long.
2007-10-07 16:32:09 · update #2
You have every right to be upset. You may not be the children's parent but your husband still has to make them respect you as his spouse. he also has to make his ex respect you and the life you and he have together. This is all a matter of respect, and your husbands lack of it for you and his inability or refusal to demand the same respect from his children and ex for you. I am a divorced man with a child and would never allow a situation like this to occur. You will always have an ex in your life if you have children but that does not mean that you have to pander to them your whole life and design your life around them. You have your own life to live and if his ex can't get hers together, it is not your problem. Your husband needs to step up, be a man, and take control of the situation. If not you are doomed to failure sadly. This is truly and completely on him, you can do nothing.
2007-10-07 16:40:27 · answer #1 · answered by eleroth 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't apologize for the length. It sounds like this is quite an issue. It sounds like you are trying to do the right thing and your just being ganged up on. He should have got in the car and left. She can call road side assistance. Another thing, I am sure it hurt when you were just trying to take up for the kids and they turned on you. The way I see it is you have two options. You can say fine, and let the kids see for themselves what kind of mother they have. Which is sometimes better. Or you can say forget this. I don't need this headache. Obviously the first issue have to address is with your husband. He should NEVER EVER say it is ok for those kids to talk to you like that. He sets the tone on whether or not they are eventually going to respect you. If he doesn't learn to they never will. Also, make sure that if she starts up child support he gets reimbursed for the car payments he has made on her vehicle.
2007-10-07 16:56:49 · answer #2 · answered by mccmb02 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes the children need to be able to express themselves, but in a mature manner, let me guess, you wanted to reach back and slap the Tuesday out of those kids huh? speaking disrespectfully should never be an option. my kids are not allowed to talk to my husband like that. EVER!
however, i do understand the frustration. they know full well that if you weren't in the picture, the whole situation wouldn't be as stressful. which by the way, is the whole thought process in which that hateful woman has drilled into her children. so, breathe and remember this is not your fault.
your husband is trying to be as helpful as possible to dissolve the situation. which will not work. ever. she will only abuse the situation more.
as long as he is making his court ordered payments on time, he has nothing to worry about. she's only yelling it to make a scene for the kids.
2007-10-07 17:30:26 · answer #3 · answered by Isabella S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has to be the one to get tired of her doing that and ignore her. The kids probably were upset about the whole thing as well which is why they reacted the way they did. It sounds like she was the controller in that family and is still controlling him to some extent now. If it gets too bad, you may have to suggest and see if he will go in for counseling so that an objective person tells him that he has to be more firm with her and help establish some boundaries.
2007-10-07 17:03:09 · answer #4 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you should be upset! Sounds like your husband doesn't require his children to respect you. Your husband needs to put an end to all the drama with the ex.
2007-10-07 18:16:12 · answer #5 · answered by QTpie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ick... It's a pain, but it's your husband's business. I know you rightfully feel like you should help, but don't try. It will only cause more trouble. HE needs to stand up to this calculating person. You will only be accused of being nosey. This woman is causing a rift between father and children. The courts don't approve of this and she should be sanctioned. Your hubby needs to man-up.
2007-10-07 16:35:33 · answer #6 · answered by maggieeld 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
YES! You have every right to be mad. This is your life too and the events are effecting your happiness. You have EVERY right to voice your opinion.
And those children SHOULD NOT be allowed to tell you to shut up.
2007-10-07 16:37:24 · answer #7 · answered by h&t_oct282007 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would encourage him to set up better boundaries and maybe ask the court for a mediator to help them work on communicating with one another for the kids. I wouldn't say much unless it was unavoidable.
2007-10-07 16:32:03 · answer #8 · answered by indydst8 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
your right to be upset.. its his place to put a stop to all this drama.. its his ex and his kids.. he needs to take are of that and put you first before her. your best bet is to stay out of it and let them all work it out.. the less you have to deal with her the less you and hubby will have problems.. all you can do is tell him he needs to deal with this and put a stop to it all. then its up to him.. if he wants to live that drama with her just stay out of the way.. later will come the i told you so lol.. good luck
2007-10-07 16:47:21 · answer #9 · answered by Kat 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is simple.
You have a spine.
Your husband, unfortunately, does not.
2007-10-07 16:37:38 · answer #10 · answered by kittykatsback 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋