What should I do?

Question

I walked in on my step-son(16), step-daughter(22),her child(1.9), and some crazy lady that is the sister of our nieghbor whom they let stay in our garage. I imeadeatly smelled the odor of marijuana!!!!!!!!! My wife is under a GREAT DEAL of stress and want's to turn a blind eye on anything that go'es on with them. I know that they are her kids and that I have know real say in how they are raised(At least that is what DR.Phill would say to me.) But they are tearing MY WIFE to pieces.

Answer 1

Your wife will have more problems if the police come. It is her house- right? Does she want to loose her house and her grand child because she is" under stress"??

This is how you deal with them- set a date to kick the 22 y.o. out and quit letting the crazy crack head stay in the garage- then set rules for the 16 y.o. and enforce them. If the 16 y.o runs away to the 22 y.o. house- fine.

Answer 2

Situations like this are hard to deal with, but I think a bit of "tough love" is necessary. I personally would tell the kids that they need to respect that fact that this is still your home and to not do drugs..if they decide to stop then kudos to them for doing so....if not, they need to go elsewhere, also since there is a small child involved if they choose not to stop with the drugs IMO legal action needs to be taken so the child doesn't grown up in that atmosphere.
Your wife will most likely be upset at first, but she will come to realize that this is what's best for not only her children, but your grandchildren.
As far as the 16 yr. old kicking them out wouldn't be the answer, but HARSH punishment would...meaning taking away anything and everything they enjoy for about a month.
I hope this helps, and good luck.

Answer 3

Your house, your liability too dude!!!
The fact that you saw (or smelled) what you did, makes you liable if you do not take some kind of action.
My advice, leave your wife out of it because she probably cannot handle it emotionally and will end up trying to restrict how you think is best to handle it.
Now the fact that you smelled it and did not see it means that you cannot prove anything, so you are better off sitting them down to have an adult conversation with all three of them, either separately or together. (Depends on their personalities)
It could be that they are actually smoking it legally if one of them has a prescription for it, so be inquisitive instead of confrontational when you speak to them.
Tell them that you know they could be doing things a lot worse than just smoking weed, but you just needed to address the situation with them before it went any further.
By doing this you will be putting them in check and letting them know that you are not a pushover that is going to let anything happen at the expense of his wife's happiness.
1) Ask who was smoking, what for (assuming the best and portraying yourself to be non-judgmental about it), if they have a prescription for it or not, how often they smoke, things like that. The more non-judgmental and less confrontational you are about it, the more open and honest they will be.
Now, even if they deny it...
2) Tell them that you would appreciate it if they would not do it in the house, especially in the presence of two minors because of the liability that it creates for you.
Don't tell them not to do it because that will just go in one ear and out the other, believe me.
Just tell them that these are you wishes and that if you have any further problems with it then you will address it with them, as adults should do and that you expect the same from them!
Take it on a day by day basis, but you must be consistent and use some sort of strategy to achieve whatever the desired result is for you and your wife.
If you need any further assistance or more resources, please feel free to email me at:
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and fill me in on the details.
I will most definitely respond to you and I have helped many friends, family, and strangers with very similar concerns.
Good luck!

Answer 4

You need to step up and exert some authority! The step daughter is old enough to move out if she doesn't like your rules. Your rules, your house! Spank the 16 year-old. Ground him. Tell the girl she should know better and ground her 22 year-old butt, too! Kick the other crazy lady out of the house and threaten with the cops. You could lose your home should the cops become involved. Zero Tolerance laws! These kids need tough love. My mother did that crap (enabled him) with my brother. He's almost 30, living with her, on drugs, she buys him 2 six packs a day and he hasn't had a job in 6 years. Exert some tough love before it's too late!

Answer 5

man i think that you should put your foot down !!! Hell if they are tearing your wife apart stand up for her! that is your house too? Don't you pay the the cost to be the boss? Handle your business Brother!!! Let me ask you this does the 22 yr old have a job? Is she in school? If she's not helping you guys out with the bills then she shouldn't be doing that mess in your house. She has a child for crying out loud! And she has her baby around WEED? Man talk to your wife and tell her how you really feel.

Answer 6

You know it really bothers me for people to feel that the step-parent has not say in rearing the spouses children. If you have to spend money on them, be responsible for them, you very well should have a say in raising them. My personal opinion.

Anyway, you and your wife needs to have a long heart to heart about what is good for your marriage. If the children are impacting the marriage negatively that certainly needs to be addressed. You two need to talk to them together and let them know that you both disagree with drugs in the house. If she can't do that then you need to evaluate if you love her enough to stay married to her when she is dismissing you and the marriage by not taking your concerns seriously. No one wants to divorce but how long can you take her ignoring bad behavior from her kids. Sooner or later that will take a toll on you.

Answer 7

that would be child endangerment in my judgement. You must tell them that you are going to call child protective services no matter what they do and seek custody of the child as a foster parent. I am not a lawyer but I think the child comes first and its a worthy effort. YOu need to escalate this for the child's safety. Exposing a child to marijuana or canibas or drugs endangers the child's cognitive growth and long term health. Call the police on a non emergency number and they can help you.

Answer 8

Dr Phil was pretty stupid that time. There has to be guidelines in every house hold. And the lines at YOUR house are thin. You need to take charge&be the man!! Put a stop to this crap!! Don't let them run the house, its already got your wife in a tissy, If they get caught in your house/garage, your a contributor to it!! The parents can be jailed, 16 yr old removed, 22yr old jailed, baby to foster home, neihbor jailed!!! Get tough&set rules today!! If your wife won't back you up, then you are in the wrong family!!!!!!

Answer 9

whose house is it? i guess that doesn't really matter because if it were raided, it would belong to the local law enforcement agency the next morning......

Dr. Phil has a lot of good things to say, but he talks in generalities..... no, you have "no say" in many areas of how your wife raises her children where your input is irrelevant.... yes, you do have "say" in some areas of how she raises her children in the marital household ..... and YES, you certainly DO have "say" in how they conduct themselves in your house when it involves your marital and financial health..... YOUR house as in the house that you and your wife are living in together..... just because you are the step-father does not mean that you are a casual renter that has to endure the whims of your wife's children......

just because you have a wife that has children from a previous marriage does not mean that you subjugatted all YOUR rights to her children.......

how her children are raised so that you, she and they are all treated fairly should be a negotiated arrangement...... and the use of drugs by ther children could cost you your house, your belongings and your reputation........

i suggest you take care of this now regardless of your interpretation of Dr. Phil........ or your wife WILL have some additional stress to deal with........

sometimes, you have to step up to the plate..... especially when no else has or will...........

Answer 10

You have two separate issues...if this is your house and these people get caught, you are now at risk. As for your relationship, maybe she doesn't know that you two could get into trouble as well as the "kids", very touchy situation. Are they the "stress"? or are there other factors? Maybe you can ask her what you can do to help relieve some of the stress, or maybe she wants you to take control...hard to say.