How do I keep from using "I" to many times in a story I'm writing?

Question

I am writing a story that is told by the main character. How do I keep from having her say I to many times as I tell the story. Here is an excert:

I threw my purse on the couch and walked into the dark kitchen for some water. The glowing clock on the stove read 12:45. It had been such a long night; I just wanted to go to bed. I draped my coat over the back of a chair and took the key from the pocket. What do I do with it? I asked myself.

I went into my room and opened my jewelry box. I took out a silver chain and slipped it through the hole in the top of the key.


Does it seem like there are too many I's here? How do I fix it?

Answer 1

This is a problem you usually cannot avoid when writring in first person. But ask yourself, do we really NEED to know you draped your coat over the back of the chair? Is the drink of water critical. Is tha nexessary information? You are doing a lot of telling and now showing. It almost becomes like a laundry list - like you were testifying in court.

Tossing my coat and purse aside, my eyes caught a glimpse of the clock beside the bed before my head hit the pillow. 12:45. Way past this girl's bedtime. As my eyes closed and my body settled under the covers, suddenly it occurred to me the key was still in my coat pocket. Grabbing it, my hand fumbled around in the pocket until my fingers grasped it. Now what? What would be a good place to hide it? My brain was really too tired to think about it so I quickly padded my bare feet across the cold floor to the dresser where the jewelry box sat, took out my best silver chain and slipped the key over it.

I played around with sentence structure, cut out some of the fluff and came up with one single I. And I was showing - not telling.

There are a few keys. 1) Take out the fluff. 2) Show not tell, 3) play around with sentence structure.

Of course, writing in first person has its downfalls. You cannot report on anything the main character doesn't know, hasn't seen, hasn't heard and you cannot comment on the thoughts of any other characters since you cannot get inside their heads. It is a much more difficult way to write, but it can be done. Pax - C

Answer 2

You have a number of very short sentences here. Try using some connecting words such as and, but, then and so forth. this will give you longer sentences where one I should be enough.

Also, take the sentence :"It had been such a long night..." You could continue sentences such as this in a different way -

"It had been such a long night - going to bed seemed such a temptation. But there was something to do before the lure of rest could be satisfied. There was that key - would taking it out of the coat pocket and stringing it on a chain from my jewellery box put it in a safer place?"

Avoid plain description such as your last paragraph. How about...

"Going into the bedroom and going through the actions was not enough reassurance. Perhaps thinking of another way to secure the key would be better. But it was late. Exhaustion was a priority. Loneliness and doubt were problems the morning would serve to lighten up."

Again - less use of I, me, or myself - the reader knows the character is alone at home, so using gerunds works very well. Try it.

Not a single I. It is perfectly possible. You need to learn a couple of literary devices that will help you rely less on pronouns - all you need is more verbs and a bit of imagination.

BTW - you do not need to describe every single noun. Sometimes a chain is just a chain - let the reader decide how to picture it.

Hope this helps.

Answer 3

Um, yeah, there are a few too many I's. Often you can take them out by adding verb tenses in the present progressive (verb+ing), or by rearranging words.
The first few sentences are fine. Here's a suggestion for the last couple.
"I draped my coat over the back of a chair and took the key from the pocket. What to do with it? I asked myself.
I went into my room and opened my jewelry box, taking out a silver chain and slipping it through the hole in the top of the key."

Answer 4

For one thing, you're not spacing out your "I"s.

If you're going to tell a story from your character's POV (or 1st person), you've got to stop going the usual route of writing--which you've illustrated above.

Here's how I woud've written it:

"Throwing down my purse onto the couch, I walked into the pitch black kitchen for a glass of water. As I knew my way around, I grabbed a glass from the cuboard and shut the door; turning as I went.

Turning on the faucet, I noticed that the time on the clock stove read 12:45 in the morning. It had been such a long night, I just wanted to go to bed. I was that tired!

Draping my coat over the back of the chair, I took the key from my pocket but suddenly had a brain-fart for the next minute or so.

What was I supposed to do with it, I asked myself. Then I remembered.

The jewelry box. Setting down the half-empty glass on the table, I went into my room and pulled out my jewelry box from my vanity dresser's top drawer. Taking out the chain-length key--I wiped the silver thing on the front of my shirt before slipping into the hole; turning the lock in the process.

Opening the cover, I retrieved the chain itself and began the tedious process of slipping the key onto it. But the hole was a bit smaller than I imagined, and it took me some time to get it right.

I was successful in my efforts and slipped the key (with the chain) back into the box--closed it--and shut the drawer afterwards.

Then I went back into the kitchen and grabbed my glass of water off the table and went back to my room--sliding into bed all at the same time.

Answer 5

such a long night, sleeping seemed to be the best option. A coat draped over a chair stored the key. I wanted to keep the key safe so the silver chain inside the jewlery box could do just that.

Answer 6

.... It had been such a long night there was a pressing need inside to just get to bed, to close my eyes. Hastily draping my coat over the back of a chair while taking the keys out of the pocket. "Where to put these" ? i asked myself.

I went to my room and opened my jewlery box. Carefully removing a silver chain to slip it through the hole in the top of the key...................

Answer 7

I don't think it has too many I's, personally. But maybe use some different sentence starters. It's not that there are too many I's it's that you start the sentences with 'I' too much. Change it up. "As I threw my purse on the cough..." "Draping my coat over the back of a chair I took the key from the pocket..." etc.

Answer 8

It doesn't seem like too many "I's" to me... when you write in first person, you're going to write a lot of I's, so get used to it... don't waste creative flows of words over wondering whether you're using too many "I's" for heaven's sake! Write! An editor will be along after you, we hope, before anything is published. Really... NOT too many I's. Write!!!

Answer 9

It's not so much that there are too many I's; it's more that you need to vary your sentence structure. That's why it sounds so repetitive.

Answer 10

Listen to Persiphone Hellcat, she has helped me a lot in book writing stuffs.........Add her into your contact!