SEX on the First Date?

Question

So I met this guy a on Friday on aol chat, and we went to a motel on the first date. I told him that i wasnt going to have sex with him, we were just going to drink and hangout and he said he wasnt looking for sex he just wanted to hang out too. Well, I got really drunk and we ended up having sex. Saturday, we did the same thing. Today, he didnt call me and i saw him online, and he was in chat rooms I IMed him and he wasnt really talking to me. I really like him but I think he just wants me as a sex buddy. Please dont think that I am a slut its just that Ive been lonely for 7 months, and I really like the affection he was showing me. I dont usually have sex with guys I meet online. Do you think I should stop seeing him? Is he using me? Have you ever been in a friendship like this ? And Finally how can I seperate my feelings, I hate the fact that I always end up getting my feelings involved and I really dont want to get hurt or used.

Answer 1

Do I think you should stop seeing him? That's entirely up to you.

Is he using you? No, you two enjoyed sex together.

Have I ever been in a friendship like that? Sure, the sex buddy thing. It was fun to until I met my fiance. I knew something was special with my fiance, so I ditched the sex guy right away. I'm sure he took it hard, because being the drunken narcissist that he was he never accepted that I had no feelings for him.

Seperate your feelings? Well, just be logical about it. You're having sex, maybe being friendly to each other, but you're not being treated or treating him like love. He doesn't have what you want. If you know what you want romantically, seperating sex and emotions and easy. Sex doesn't have to be emotional, 'making love' is a restraint society puts on women that hinders her sexuality. Don't 'make love' just get off.

Answer 2

I think you have asked a question that easy to answer from the logic point of view, but a bit harder from the human feeling side.

Maybe I'm not as forward as some guys, but I would never invite a first date to a motel--especially if that was where you went in the first place--not even a dinner or a movie first. WHAT DID YOU THINK HE HAD IN MIND?

You say he just wants you as a sex buddy. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CLUE?

I hear you when you say that you have been lonely for seven months, and please understand that I am not judging you or preaching at you. All you got out of sex with this guy was a little bit of temporary pleasure, a hangover, and self-esteem in the basement.

I don't think you're a "four-star". I think you could give yourself more stars than that, if you have learned from this experience to have more respect for yourself.

There is one huge alarm bell going off. You say that that you don't "usually" have sex with guys you meet online. That means that sometimes you do. You can bet that you are not the first first-date-in-a-motel sex buddy this guy has had. I think, for your own safety and the safety of future lovers (so much more satisfying to have a lover than a sex buddy), you need to get your doctor to check you for any all assymptomatic STD's.

Let me answer the rest of your questions one by one.

Do I think you should stop seeing him? Yup.

Is he using you? Yup.

Have I ever been in a friendship like that? It's not a friendship, it's a meaningless animal mating. You scratched an itch, that's all you did.

How do you avoid getting your feelings involved? That's a tough one. I think you are looking for someone to love you, cherish you, make you feel that you are the most special, most wonderful woman in the world. Give it time. You are a five-star, not a four-star. A *****, not a ****. A heart, not a slab.

The closest I will come to scolding you is to comment that, if you don't want to get hurt or feel used, don't go to a motel on the first date, and don't get drunk on the first date either. If the guy had turned out to be other the obvious, someone who was looking to love you, cherish you, make you feel that you are the most special, most wonderful woman in the world--he sure as gun's iron wouldn't be looking a drunk for that.

Answer 3

You met a man at a motel on a first date? You ended up having sex for 2 days and now isn't talking to you. Imagine...
This is how men think:
1) Men actually count the seconds after sleeping with a woman too soon in a relationship before she says, "I never do this..."
2) The fact that you met him at a motel and not in a well lighted public place says to him that you're a loose woman and the fact that you barely knew him said you don't care about your own safety and have little respect for yourself.
3) You should stop seeing him. His opinion will never change.
4) I've never had a friendship like this.
5) You have feelings of hurt because you were used. He said exactly what it took to get exactly what he wanted from the relationship. He has learned as much from you and about you that he's ever going to be interested in learning. You slept with him. Conquest over.
6) You can separate your feelings by warning others of this person's actions and chalking it up ti a huge learning experience. Now you know what not to do. If you'd just met, had a few dates and said goodnight, there would be little doubt he would call again. But as I stated before, conquest over.

Answer 4

Well, if you don't like getting your feelings involved then stop putting yourself in these positions. People usually don't just "chat, drink & hang out in a Motel". Why couldn't you two go out for coffee or dinner or someplace in public? A first date in a Motel is odd. You didn't notice? I guess you must've been lonely in a serious way to not notice that when a guy takes you to a "Motel on your first date", it means he's planning to have sex. Please don't call you a sl*ut? we aren't, but guess what....this guy you had sex with at the Motel is not just calling you one, HE IS TREATING YOU LIKE A SL*UT. A guy who takes you to a Motel on your first date is not actually a gentleman nor have any respect for you & does not have any intentions of getting serious with you. I'm sure your old enough to know that. A guy will only treat you like a sl*ut if you let him. Meaning.....next time, don't have your first date in a Motel. Only hookers do that. Hope you learned your lesson. Let him go, he ain't got no respect for you anyway, why would you want to be with a guy like that? Also, from the way you described yourself as being "lonely for 7 months", I would advise you to just focus on yourself for awhile, at least until you find yourself & know how to respect yourself b/c from seeing all the other questions you asked here on Yahoo, it looks like you got some serious problems with yourself. Be a woman, be independent & don't depend on any man to give you happiness all the time. They don't always deliver. You got issues. Talk to a counselor or something.

Answer 5

This one over. The best way to ensure you do not sleep with him or another is not to meet him at a hotel or his place. I am not blaming and disrespecting you for I read your entire post and saw you are hurt/vulnerable from before. Some guys prey on the vulnerable and he probably knew/"saw" it.

I am also disturbed he met you at a hotel what is he hiding? Cad.

Chalk this up to experience and I must be blunt let him go. He already is ignoring you online now probably moving on to next gal. Whethr you consider it over or not (you like him) he considers it over by his lack of contact by phone/online

Modern technology can be used by some to find their soulmate and others as a vehicle to destroy other people in the dating world.

Do you think I should stop seeing him? Yes
Is he using me? He saw a hurt lonley girl and took his opportunity in your time of weakness

And Finally how can I seperate my feelings, I hate the fact that I always end up getting my feelings involved and I really dont want to get hurt or used.

Best way sort out all your baggage and pain before attempting to date and once doing so being absolutely guarded emotionally with your self and heart. Only meet at public places no going off to be alone anywhere to avoid intimacy, repeat to yourself your goal of not getting involved quickly/hurt (rushing physical aspect even if horny/lonely)
Lastly, don't drink during initial dating/courting until you know h is a keeper

You can break this cycle of bad guys/bad luck-just focus and remind yourself of it constantly until it is nature

Good luck

Answer 6

Umm ... you meet someone for the first time in a hotel room to just "chat and hang out"?? .... You seriously didn't think that sex wouldn't come in to play in a scenario like that, did you? I would say that safe bet is that he is using you for a booty call. Honestly ... how can you expect a man to take you serious if you meet him online, get together at a hotel for drinks and then have sex with him ... all in what sounds like a span of 24 hours? Being lonely isn't the worse thing in the world. Have a little more respect for yourself and maybe you will find a guy who will get to know you, respect you and love you for who you are ... not for how quick he can get you in the sack!! Chalk it up to a lesson learned and cut your losses.

Answer 7

By renting and being in a hotel room alone, kindda gave the guy a green light to have sex on first date. By doing that you really showed your desperation on the first date, and by showing your vulnerable side, you're an easy target, he's just playing cool saying that he's not expecting sex, but that's a lie. Yeah, he see you as a one night stand, because you down graded your value and self esteem. Next time when you met the right guy, do the opposite. Make him pay for your presence and your companionship. I found this method valuable, I use it anywhere, even when I got a job offer, pretend that you're not interested and tell them you got great offer somewhere else, make them compete.

Answer 8

women such as you, are those that adult males like to play with. We get what we'd like, and then bypass away you. Chancse are, he does not want something severe with you considering the fact that he has gotten what he already needed, so why would he ought to make an effort to get to appreciate you, or date you? superb suggestion, wait til you have dated the guy for an prolonged time formerly having intercourse with him. Marriage is often superb, yet considering the fact which you arent a virgin anymore, that concept of waiting, does not rely anymore. the two way, have relaxing and notice the place issues take you

Answer 9

That was a one night stand with a stranger whom you don't even know. Control you emotions and don't repeat this mistake ever again. He got what he wanted, you proved easy going, as some without a sense, and he turned his back on you. Any other man who does the same way will only hit once and run. Make sure you take a trip to the clinic and test yourself for STD if he didn't use the condom. Even if you are desperate of lacking sex, you don't do what you did. And then you go on developing a feeling for him..... oh my Lord!
Well I see now why you can't have someone to love you. Because you are cheap, don't calculate your steps and don't know how to keep and ..... your relationship.

Answer 10

Best thing to do here is to just let him be.
Even if he just wanted you for a sex buddy, he would be saying "hi" or something.
As far as separating your feelings, don't do it because that is exactly what s*uts do to live with themselves.
You say that you are not one and I believe you, so just let it go and chalk it up to experience!
F.Y.I. - When a chick says that she isn't going to have sex with you, 99% of the time it isn't really true, she is just trying to convince herself that's it's the truth.
Besides, if a chick really doesn't want to have sex with you, you're gonna have a helluva hard time getting her to agree to hanging out with you in a hotel room to get drunk in the first place!