I have a friend who I've known since high school. From the beginning we were polar opposites: she was the bold, street-smart butterfly while I was the shy, book-smart loner. Though we were so different, our respect for one another (and at times our desire to be one another) kept us good friends all those years.
But now that we've gone separate paths in life, I feel like our differences are breaking us apart. Specifically, it's my friend's lack of respect for my choices in life---my choice to focus on college, to abstain from sexual relationships, to avoid drinking & smoking, and work towards my career goals.
I've never been spontaneous or a "party girl", but I have no problem respecting those who are. But is it wrong for me to expect the same from my friend? It's like every time we talk, she is trying to mold me--as if there is something wrong with being smart and structured.
I tried talking to her zillions of times, but she never changes. Should I end it for good this time?
2007-10-07 15:18:52 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
I am the same way you are. Shy and book-smart. First off, I am proud of the choices you are making in your life. About your friend, it seems like she is getting caught up in herself and not thinking about how you feel. This is a hard decision. I had to let go some friends in my life. But, some I regret doing, because I did not have the proper closure. If you want to end it for good, make sure you do it in a way that you will feel better. If she talks to you, talk to her. But, don't make it a point to talk to her. See what happens. I hope this helps.
2007-10-07 15:45:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi rainbow,
Do you know that it's your being exact opposites that drew you together & made you good friends?? But it's more than that. It's your acceptance of each other & not judging one another that's the real glue to this rewarding relationship. My advise is to have a straight talk with her. Tell her about how much you respect her for "who she is". And you would like the same respect from her & acceptance for "who you are". The real secret in a long lasting friendship is acceptance. When "force" begins to get into the picture, the relationship becomes strained. Maybe not on the surface, but the discomfort will begin to bear fruit. Enjoy the differences & learn from each other. But there should be "free will". Tell her that. But if she insist on her way, then "cool-off" with her for a while. Someone who enforces you to be like them is not a good friend anymore. And as important as friends are. Sticking to being yourself is even more important.
2007-10-07 22:39:35 · answer #2 · answered by BERNARD C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That can be one of the hardest things in life. We can want or expect certain things in any relationship. But when we expect things, we are setting ourselves up for disappointment. We grow up in different ways, and in different speeds. But all of us should respect the choices of others. You dont have to End it for good. Just let if fade away. There may be a time when you may need each other. She also may mature in a few years and want to connect with you then.
2007-10-07 22:32:32 · answer #3 · answered by T I 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Should you end it for good this time you ask? Its already over in my opinion, she isn't being a friend if she doesn't respect who you are, and can't support your life choices just because they arn't the same as hers. Isn't that what friends are for, to be supportive and understanding? She has ended it, so you don't have to. Its sad to lose a friend, but perhaps she will get the message if you just tell her straight that she isn't being much of a friend right now - you respect her for what she does, so you deserve equal respect from her, right? Of course you do.
2007-10-07 22:26:50 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not every friendship is meant to last forever, and this is one of them. Be thankful for the time you had her friendship and support, and let her go. People change, and you two don't have anything in common anymore. But that's okay. It's just time to move on, that's all. And good for you for being ambitious and disciplined and smart.
2007-10-07 22:23:08 · answer #5 · answered by No Shortage 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should first try to get her to stop her bad habits, but if she's unwilling to do that, then there's nothing else that you could do. It's okay if you lose her since I'm positve you have other friends and you're headed towards a good, stable life.
2007-10-07 22:25:29 · answer #6 · answered by h1u4sxda 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i reccomend if you two are truly good friends u tell her that u are happy with the way u are and that u would appreciate if she stops trying to change who u are.and stay focused on your education you seem to have a good future in mind keep up the good work.if shes truly your friend she would be happy with who u are and respect your wishes
2007-10-07 22:27:59 · answer #7 · answered by ladyrena12 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes we can expect friends to "fill in" for people that are missing in our lives. Kind of be substitutes for people and that can put pressure on them.
2007-10-07 22:21:30 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋