Why does my mom do this?

Question

I'm 14. I'm very different from most girls in my class, especially with my clothes. I dress way more tomboyish than them. All the other girls are wearing whatever they think is "In", or like tank tops, cute clothes and all. My mom says she wants me to dress more like them, but I don't want to. She says that it will help me get a boyfriend (she wants me to get one), be more popular and all. But, I really don't want to get a boyfriend, and I'm having no problem fitting in or making friends. In fact, I have a lot of friends, both guys and girls (even girly girls). I've dressed up like the other girls before, but that was only because I was trying to get attention, and that time, I went through more problems in school, relationships with friends, etc. than now. I rarely go through those now. My life has been happier ever since I started being more like my tomboyish self (except that my mom is constantly bothering me about how I should dress and all). I don't know why is she like this?

I'm not lesbian, I'm just not interested in being involved in romance or anything like that yet. And I have told my mom that nothing is wrong in school.

I'm usually a pretty good person, and I rarely get in trouble in school or anywhere. I also get good grades. I may not seem tomboyish that way, but everyone else sees me like a tomboy because of course my appearance (I have shorter hair than all the other girls too), my sporty-ness, and how I skateboard with my guy friends a lot and all, and they say I'm a fearless and strong type of person. I'm kinda like a tomboy with a good personality. Like I said, everyone still happily accepts me. Some guys even tell me they want me as their girlfriend...I do get attracted to guys, I'm straight, but I'm just not ready for a relationship yet.

Answer 1

That's a shame. Have you tried telling her that you dress this way because it is your personality? That it reflects who you are?

I may be a little off base here, but is it possible that your Mom may be afraid that you are a lesbian? I only ask you this because you say you dress tomboyish and she wants you to have a boyfriend. Most Moms take a sigh of relief when their daughter is not dating. What do you think? Do you get that vibe from her?

I wish you lots of luck with this. Like I said try talking to her about this and let her know that you dressing more girly would not be you and you wouldn't be nearly as happy.

I hope I helped.

Answer 2

Hi jo, sorry to hear you're having a hard time from mum but don't fly into a typical teenage rage over it, it'll only show her that you're not mature enough to talk to!!! I'm gonna be very honest with jo, i believe you'll handle some honest talking and it may just help. Are you gay? Before you fly off the handle at that suggestion, you are coming across as if you've got something more to say! I'm sure experienced yahoo users will know what i mean. If you are, thats not a problem, if you're not, thats not a problem BUT - - - your mum is sensing something in you that she doesn't like! She doesn't want you to dress in a boyish way in case the neighbours or her friends, or both!, start talking!!! Its totally wrong of her of course but then, she grew up in a different era to yours and finds it difficult to understand. If you're not gay, then you've got to sit her down and tell her, politely!, that you want to be an individual, you want to live your life the way you want, not the way she wants! If you are gay, then you have to sit her down and tell her, politely, that you want to live your life and be true to yourself! Don't conform to what your mother wants you to be like, be yourself but, at all times, be polite and adult about things, that way no-one can say that you're acting like a child and therefore don't deserve to be listened to! I wish you lots of luck and eventual happiness - it will happen!

Answer 3

I can only guess why your mom wants you to dress more like "them". But I do know that moms almost always just want the best for their children. Maybe your mom is misinterpreting possible moods or reluctance to talk as things being wrong for you and she is trying to help. My children, and I had four, stopped talking to me from the time they were around twelve, until they went to college. I did a lot of guessing, and I was wrong many times. I know they thought I did a lot of bugging about who knows what, and some of that was I would mention something once, and they thought I meant it for four years. I have a feeling you may be able to explain to your mom how you feel about dressing up, or girly, and maybe if you ask she will not mention it again for a long while. Or you could make a deal with her that you will wear a skirt once a month to go shopping or to the library or somewhere you go with her....but the rest of the time its whatever you are comfortable in. And especially when you go to school, as long as it isn't provocative you wear what you want. Be happy you don't belong to a church that requires all girls to wear skirts all the time. (Big rebellion there!) Being yourself, having integrity, and strength of character goes a long way for happiness and success. You have a long way to go before boyfriend is needed, and you don't need a boyfriend to be yourself. At this time in your life, you will be better off if you establish yourself first before romantic entanglements. If your dad is in the picture at all, check with him about how he sees you. Whether he's around or not, have some compassion for your mom, whether she can admit it or not she loves you unconditionally. Moms are like that.

Answer 4

That's strange. It's usually the other way around. But I commmend you for sticking to your guns and being your own person. That is rare among young people, and you should just continue with whatever your comfortable with regardless of any pressure from others. Don't give in. Just keep doing what you're doing. You'll be a happier and much better adjusted adult because of it...

Answer 5

Ask her what she remembers about her life when she was 14. Maybe she doesn't want you to be hurt like she was, if she had a bad experience. Or, try telling her what you have written here. If she understands that you are happier, maybe she'll back off. As a mother, she only wants you to be happy, I think. Show her that you're happy.

Answer 6

IT'S POSSIBLE YOUR MOM WAS ONE OF THE GIRLIE GIRLS THAT THINK YOU GOT TO WARE WHAT IS IN STYLE THIS WEEK,WHAT AN ATROCITY TO BE CAUGHT WARING YESTERDAY'S TREND.BUT SHE ONLY WANTS WHAT SHE THINKS IS BEST FOR YOU.BUT PARENTS ARE NOT ALLWAYS RIGHT.I WOULD SAT TRY TO PLACATE HER A LITTLE,VERRY LITTLE.BOTOM LINE IS THAT YOU GOT TO BE YOURSELF.IF YOUR HAPPY WITH YOU THEN SHE NEADS TO BE HAPPY FOR YOU

Answer 7

You're 14! You don't need to be worrying about a boyfriend. Dress how you want to! She probably just wants to make sure you're fitting in and having friends. You'll find your niche. Be yourself!!

Answer 8

maybe she thinks ur not a tomboy, but a lesbian
but thats her, its ur life, do watever the hell u feel like doing. tell her its UR life, and U decide how U live it. cus its UR life

Answer 9

dont worry about what your mom thins tell her that you like you and not the fake you she wants you to be

Answer 10

Cause she wants you to be just like her.