I have been married for 13 years and in the 13 years my husband is a very angry man and his children do no obey any household rules that we have set and they continue to treat me ishy. I have not been happy for a long time. But i dont like to hurt anyones feelings. My heart is hurting so bad. I dont know what to do. I keep taking the verbal abuse and the not respect frome the kids but What is the best thing to do? they wont get counceling either. Im lost Someone please help!!
2007-10-07 11:10:29 · 12 answers · asked by lori 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You say you don't like to hurt anyone's feelings, so...why are you okay with your own feelings being hurt?
I would tell you to leave, but I don't think you will right now. If they won't go to counseling, go without them. You need to learn to love yourself more than you do now, so that you can do the right thing for YOURSELF by leaving them.
2007-10-07 11:16:40 · answer #1 · answered by tecualajuggernauts 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Ask yourself if you'd rather be married and miserable or single and happy. I can about assure you that even if he acts nasty, if you leave he'd see what side his bread is buttered on and start the sweet talking all over again trying to get you back. After all if I read this right, they're his children and not yours and he isn't going to like being a single parent.
You have to ask if he does that are you going to go back. Usually once abusive always abusive and he'll change long enough to get you back then resort back to himself as soon as you return as then he'll know you "need" him and he "rules the roost".
You don't want to hurt anyones feelings but like another person stated, you're willing to let yourself be hurt. You're enabling him to be the man he is.
You need to wake up and smell the coffee.....if it's that bad you should get out before it gets any worse.
2007-10-07 19:47:55 · answer #2 · answered by David 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure why you married a man with so much anger in the first place.
You really do not have a good self-concept. You do not value yourself enough, and so you allow your husband and his children to mistreat you, which is deplorable.
They don't have to get counseling. It's their choice to stay unhealthy. You are ONLY responsible for yourself. The only one you can CHANGE is yourself. You need to go to counseling on your own and find out what you are contributing to the family problems. You need to learn why you allow your family to verbally abuse you.
And while you're in counseling, you'll need to decide if you want to stay in a family where you are verbally abused.
2007-10-07 19:14:00 · answer #3 · answered by Nedra E 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There has to be a reason you married him in the first place. If you have tried to talk to him about being unhappy and he has not responded, speak to a professional. I know you dont want to hurt anyones feelings, but you need to stand up for yourself. I know easier said than done, but you can learn how to do that by getting the tools from a councelor. Some times you just have to be tough and not care if it hurts someone or not, just make sure your state of mind is healthy. Best of luck to you.
2007-10-07 19:01:02 · answer #4 · answered by tabbiecat38 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How long until the kids are up and out of there? After 13 years it is a bit late to put down the groundwork. Maybe you could go on your own and get the counselling to tell you what you need to do in this situation.
2007-10-07 18:18:34 · answer #5 · answered by curiouscanadian 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have been for thirteen years and your husband is a very angry man because his kids dint respect him or listen to him they continue to treat you bad. your heart is hurting so bad they wont go for counseling either i tell you what stand firm and let the lord do the rest pray. dont give up on your family contiue love them.
best of luck
2007-10-07 19:13:07 · answer #6 · answered by mmurray001 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get counseling for yourself! (I've been there and done that)
It will help you to vent some of your frustrations and concerns with a trained marriage counselor, some one who is neutral, unlike a friend who knows the two you well.
Whether or not your husband ever agrees to attend counseling with you at least you will have made the first step to getting some support for yourself. Later on, who know, he may realize his short comings and decide to attend with you
2007-10-07 18:21:03 · answer #7 · answered by Ink Corporate 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should go to therapy or counseling by yourself. Seek professional help and be ready to face issues that are making you feel bad or sad. After you have had a couple of sessions, you can start making lists of things you dislike or want to change, and analyze if there is anything you can do about them.
Please remember, life is short...and we cannot change anyone except ourselves. So you should work on you and focus on your feelings....
God doesn't want His children to suffer needlessly. So ask Him for help -and guidance too.
Good luck.
2007-10-07 18:38:07 · answer #8 · answered by Nena S 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Lori 13 years is too long to be unhappy. It's time to get out and get healthy and happy. Best of luck.
2007-10-07 18:29:04 · answer #9 · answered by Lisa D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to get away for a while and let him deal with his kids on his own. if you don't get respect when you come back, leave again and stay away longer. If you still don't get respect, don't come back.
2007-10-11 17:55:05 · answer #10 · answered by Jody H 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋