Did you get married for security or out fear of being alone or what not? I have heard that sometimes people "learn to love" their mate. How long did you know eachother before marriage? How long was the marriage? Did everything turn out okay?
I am curious for when I make a decision to marry.
Please be descriptive. I have time to listen. Thank you.
2007-10-07 10:39:08 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
wow... you couldn't have hit a bigger sore spot.
I'm with a man that I love, and have been with him for 7 years.
When I met him, I was 2 weeks out of an abusive relationship, living in a hotel room above the bar that I worked in, and my daughter was staying with my best friend in another city while I tried to get enough money together to get an apartment in this new town. We got together, because he offered me a place to stay.
I was emotionally devastated, financially destitute and I had to entrust my baby to a friend because I couldn't afford a suitable home for her. Then... in walked my man. Offered me a place to stay with my daughter until I got my feet on the ground, and some money together.
well... just as I was doing all of that, I got pregnant with HIS child, and the rest is history. We now have 2 children together, and because we got together, not out of love, but out of the need for security and his need to save someone... we're 7 years into the game and have nothing in common.
He's my best friend, but I'm not in love with him. We've never married because our relationship just... doesn't cut it. However, I'm not sure that we'll ever split up either. It's too convenient, and too habitual. We love each other, but like brother and sister, or like very close friends... but nothing more.
in short: don't settle.
2007-10-07 10:47:15 · answer #1 · answered by mamacita 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I didn't love my husband when I married him - I was actually very close to breaking up with him - and he was the same with me. However I found out I was pregnant and we decided since we still liked each other we would get married to "do the right thing". Surprisingly enough these days that isn't the popular thing to do. But we did. I was 19 and he was 25.
We have now been married 7 and a half years, and I will be honest and say that it isn't easy all the time, but we have grown to love each other again. We stay together for our son and we are very close. He is my best friend. I love him - but I am not IN LOVE with him. We have learned to love each other again though - in a less passionate way. We still have sex and intimacy, but really the relationship is more about companionship, trust, and consideration.
I think we made the right choice. It certainly isn't for everyone, and I think it is probably a lot easier marrying for love than anything else. However it has worked out well - we have a happy family and for the most part I am happy with my life.
Every now and then something will creep in - an attraction for someone or something like this - as there is certainly a spark missing from our relationship... but it passes. Marriage isn't easy and I figure if it wasn't a spark, there would alway be another issue.
2007-10-07 17:48:59 · answer #2 · answered by Willalee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I married because I was young, immature, and I had a fear of being alone or never finding the right one.
That did not work out to well. I am happy to say today my ex and I are still friends.
I will one day marry again. I know this because I have learned how to be honest with myself. When I do marry again, it will be for love.
Good luck.
2007-10-07 17:47:15 · answer #3 · answered by box of rain 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There was an attraction when I first met my husband but I worked out later that I was just horny and drunk lol. Love did come later on, when he became every part of my daily thoughts and sleepless nights.
We have been happily married for 10+ years and make sure our marriage becomes anything but comfortable. We make time for each other and our own space, we have separate hobbies we enjoy, when we argue we always make up before going to bed, we are realistic with each other about our fears, hopes and dreams and we are open with each other.
2007-10-07 17:46:21 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When I met my husband , I had just came out of a bad relationship. We were together for 6 months then I became pregnant. So we decided to get married. But during out 8 years of marriage I grew to love him, I am truly happy.
2007-10-07 18:42:52 · answer #5 · answered by browneyes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG,how long do you have to listen?..lol
I married my wife because I knew when i first saw her that she was the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.
Its funny, because i later learned after we were married that she and her best friend were talking and she said that very same thing.
LOL ..the magical night outside the "pizza-by-the-splice" shop.
were were dating for 2 months before we decided to get married ONE MONTH LATER!!...LOL its true.
We have 2 wonderful kids together and we have been married for 14 years and going along nicely.
Don't get me wrong, there are rocky parts, the "not so good" days.That comes with the territory,but we have always been able to work out our differences.
I can honestly say that we got married because we were both looking for that special someone that had good virtues, like trust and loyalty, and basic family values.
Im just fortunate that I found someone whom I can relate to, talk to,listen to, laugh with, make a fool of myself with,and be happy with.
The key to any marriage is happiness,and honesty along with fidelity.
If any of those three are missing in any combination, then, I believe at least, (in this humble guys heart) then a marriage has a hard chance of continuing.
2007-10-07 18:37:00 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I got married to my ex wife because she got pregnant while we dated in college. I had only known her for 3 months and can't say I loved her at the time but we were married for 7 yrs and I can say I did learn to love her and we had another child while married. To answer your question, we got married because she was pregnant.
2007-10-07 17:45:55 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
security...which was the wrong reason b/c I know I need to be secure in myself and not expect others to be my security blanket but at that time I really was unstable and needing big time love. Now thankfully, our relationship has turned to love, so I must of been attracted to more than just security b/c we've sure had our rocky patches that were not secure.
2007-10-07 17:56:44 · answer #8 · answered by Yummy♥Mummy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I married for love, but I also married my husband because I knew he was a good person and was great with kids, he liked sports, he was athletic, treated me well, loved me respected me, was intelligent, had goals etc.
2007-10-07 17:45:44 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i got married because my wife had kids at such a young age an was really dealing with alot and i wanted to be that one to help her out, plus the first day we met we slept together an she got pregnant with mine but now after 7 years we getting a divorce.......... ;-( She cheated on me with my cousin
2007-10-07 17:58:38 · answer #10 · answered by Sincere 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋