Need advice.?

Question

My husband and I have been married for almost 8 yrs now. We have 2 beautiful girls together. But lately our marriage has been very shakey. One of our problems is different beleifs. He prataices Pagenism where I am a Baptist. This is causing me to wonder if we are right for each other. Please any advice you can give will be appreciated.

There are also other problems and have been for awhile. We have gotten to where we argue more then not. Also the relious differances has been a problem since he began this.

From what I understand of his relgion, a pagan is also called Druid, Wiccian, along with others I am not sure about.

OH I forgot to explain that when we got married he was also a ba[tist until he went to work with this guy a cople of years into our marriage. Since then he has been getting deeper and deeper in it. I am a very open-minded person in every aspect of my life includeing religion. I have even went with him once to try to understand his beleifs. That just left me more confused and worried.

Answer 1

8 years into a marriage with two children is a tough place to be for most everyone... you have a lot invested into each other, you have kids together and you realize "This is IT?!?" - that may come as a disappointment about how things turned out, so you start to try and convince the other to come closer to your camp, on any subject - religion, sex, parenting, vacationing, etc.

First, let's remember why you are with him. Take stock in what you value about him - not what you wish were different... Make a list of his best qualities, the things that attracted and kept you with him... keep it handy, and refer to it often. It will give you a good perspective...

Next, take personal inventory - you have changed in 8 years - are you someone you'd want to hang out with? Do you like who you have become? Or have you turned into a nagging, annoying person? Are you interesting? Do you still make yourself attractive? Do you have interests outside your family and home? Do you go out with GFs, take classes, learn, grow, volunteer, exercise, compete.... what and who are you all about, without hubby and kids?

It may mean time to nurture the woman inside you - not the wife and not the mother, the woman... you can do this in a very heathy and balanced way that does not hurt your marriage nor your parenting...

About the arguing - it takes two... if you stop arguing back, there are no more arguements. This does not mean you agree with him - it simply means that you refuse to argue and to lose your serenity and power in senseless arguements that lead nowhere and go in endless circles... just stop - try it for a week and see what happens.

About the differences in religion and spirituality - at this point in the game, acceptance will bring you a lot of serenity... stop trying to be right about your religion and accept his stance. Focus instead on growing in yuor faith and role-model what your religion brings you - it may make it much more interesting and intriguing to hubby to see the serenity and joy you receive from your religion; he might even want to sample a bit of it - if he does not, nothing lost... don't make it personal!

Hang in there and like the serenity prayer reminds us, focus on what you CAN change (YOU and your attitude) and accept that which you cannot change (him and his attitude) and go for it... be the best YOU you can be - at the end of the day, that is all we have power over and all we can do... and it will be a solid role model for your girls...

Good luck!

Answer 2

First of all when you married this man you two already new that you did not practice the same faith in the beginning, you have been married for 8 years right, You should have worked this out before you married and had kids, marriage is not for a little while but is suppose to last a life time. Its not like when your tired of game you stop playing marriage is serious and you just cant get out when ever it suits you.

best of luck

Answer 3

You need to read the definitions of Pagan, Wiccan, and Druid. I believe they are different. I knew a girl who was Wiccan and I believe that's witch craft.

Your religious differences existed before you married as far as I can tell, so what has changed? Something has... or you ignored problems you saw BEFORE you got married and they've only gotten worse slowly over the years.

You need to go to marriage counseling. If he's not interested, you should go alone. Learn what YOU are contributing to the breakdown in your marriage. That's the ONLY thing YOU can TRULY repair!

Good luck.
ohh... I found over the years that Baptist beliefs often make it hard to be accepting of the religious beliefs of others. That might be part of your problems.

Answer 4

Marriages, like everything else, have their ups and downs, ebb and flow, ect, ect...

What is important to keep in mind is that you both made a commitment "for better or for worse."

You need only to read a few other people's questions on here to realize that your "for worse" is not that bad.

Now you need to be honest with yourself as to why you are having these feelings about whether or not you two are meant to be together. Once you have begun to be honest with yourself, you will be able to deal with the real problems that exist.

When you do begin to deal with the real issues, keep in mind that you will not ultimately be judged on the commitments that you make, but rather you will be judged on the commitments that you keep.

Good luck.

Answer 5

Is it possible for you to leave religion out of your conversations and see what is good about the marriage and work from there? It is possible for couples to accept each others different beliefs and find other common areas.
How about marriage counseling?
I hope things work out, good thoughts...
If there is love, there is a way...

Answer 6

It's a little late to be concerned about religious differences.

All that I can say is...Just learn to accept that he has different beliefs. Take you daughters to church and read the bible to them.

Just realize that your children will decide what to believe in. I know lots of kids who came from Christian homes, and decided that they wanted to be Atheist...or Catholic.

I mean, everyone is different...You just have to accept it.

Don't end your marriage over religious beliefs. Who knows, maybe he'll convert over to yours.

But don't push him into it.

Answer 7

Ok, sorry but I have to say this, do you think that there are different heavens for different religions? I dont... so why do people get so bent outa shape over their religion. We're all goin to the same heaven or hell, so chill. You both believe in god, so whats the problem there?

Answer 8

If your religion is important to you on a regular basis, then its time to come to grips with the issue.

Its a shame that this awareness came later on, I hope it won't cause trouble for your kids.... but its not going to be easy for them in any event....

Hopefully you're both level-headed enough to keep the problems for them in check.

Answer 9

in the end both teach you to be a good person i just see it as going about it 2 different ways be good to eachother and other people and have common goals and dont let that rule your life or you will make a foolish choice.

Answer 10

sadly, when the spiritual life of a couple isn't the same it does cause problems - sometimes not right away, but it will......

i would suggest counseling, because this is a big area of concern.

Peace+