I need opinions- hoidays- his familiy or mine?

Question

We have been married nearly 4 years. For the past several years we have hosted his family for Christmas. Last year we also hosted his family for Thanksgiving.

This year I would like to host my family for Thanksgiving and host his family for Christmas. He is insisting that we need to as BOTH families to come for Thanksgiving. We have a decent sized home but that would simply be too much. I can't do both at the same time. I don't think crowding people into a space is a very pleasant experience.

Am I wrong to ask him to leave his family out? We have not included my family for years so I think this is only fair. Opinions?

For the record:
our family (hubby me and the kids) has 7 people plus two soon to be spouses totaling 9.

his family has 7 total people

my extended family has 12 people if they all come.

27 people??

To the person who said I was selfish:
I repeat- we have hosted HIS family for years. I am asking to host my family for the first time. I don't see how that is selfish.

We host his family EVERY Christmas. Prior to last year, they all did thier own thing on Thanksgiving. I don't see what the big deal is if they do that again this year. I just want to be able to have my family for once and I like to put on a nice meal. Paper plates, buffet-style, eating on your lap....bleh....not my style at all.

I have put on NICE meals for his family for many holidays. I just want to do this one time for MY family.

Answer 1

Definitely alternate. This year you do your family for TG, his family for Christmas, and then next year you swap: His family for TG, yours for Christmas.

The only other viable alternative would be to have two separate TG's....and that would just suck....

Answer 2

Ugh...the holidays. I used to look forward to them so much, but now with being divorced and remarried and kids it turns out to be nothing but a big 3 ring circus. You cant even stop and slow down and enjoy what the holidays are about because it's so hectic. It's rush rush rush.

I dont understand why your husband thinks that both families need to come for Thanksgiving. Like you said last year you hosted his family for Thanksgiving and Christmas, I dont know what you cant do the same for your family this year. Does your husband not realize how much work it takes to feed an entire brood of people? You cook, cook, cook only for it to be eaten in a half hour and then have to clean everything up. It isnt my idea of fun.

I say it's time for someone to make Thanksgiving for you. Go to their houses for a change so you are not stuck doing all of the work. Most people call it a holiday, I call it work.

But in answer to your original question, I say deal with one family at a time, and if he still insists that everyone needs to be there, then at least deligate and make other people bring things or help you out so you are not overwhelmed.

Answer 3

I think the bottom line is that the entire holiday issue needs to be negotiated so that both of you feel that the solution is fair.

Some options:

1. Suck it up and deal with the overcrowding. (Although 27 is pretty overcrowded.)
2. Alternate holidays (His family for Thanksgiving, yours for Christmas, then switch next year).
3. Alternate days. (His family the 22nd to 24th, both families on the 25th, and yours from the 26th to 27th).
4. A nearby hotel may be an option.

Answer 4

Alternating holiday's is totally acceptable. Unless he can come up with some kind of compromise for Thanksgiving, that would be less stressful for you than having to deal with hosting a meal for 27 people than I think you are being totally reasonable. Talk to his family and just let them know now, so they will have plenty of notice. Maybe invite them to stop by after the main meal for desert? Best wishes.

Answer 5

invite them all!!..when will be the next time you see some of them,with everything going on in your life and theirs?
i remember my thanxgiving at grammy's apt. with almost 33 people both young and old.
Most kids spend about 90 percent of the time outside,especially if the weather is nice. and there is usually allot of volunteering help in the kitchen,that just comes natural because anyone who makes dinner knows what a large job that a multi course meal is with a large family.
the men usually hover around the football game on TV(its almost always the Lions playing someone)
So the only real problem is seating space.
Well works for me is all the adults (or close to adults) eat with nice silverware and china at the main table, and the kids can eat at a makeshift large table(made from fold out card table,ask the men,they know what im talking about)you can string 2 or 3 of these together and some folding chairs,bam, just like that.problem solved.
dont forget to ask each family to bring some desert, like their own homemade pupkin pie or cheese cake.

Answer 6

Invite both families. And, enlist the help of your family members. For example, ask people to bring dishes and assign chores to different family members. I am sure people will say, "what can I bring?" You can tell them what they can bring, and/or ask for assistance in some of the other tasks. You can ask, for example, if they would not mind being in charge of setting the table(s), or cleaning up after dessert, or if their sons would not mind setting up some tables in the living room, or breaking down the tables at the end of the day, and carrying them back downstairs to the basement. Don't think you have to do everything, just be the manager, and use your guests to help out. After all, they are family. And, it sounds like there are a number of young people who can do some of the work of setting up and cleaning up. Put the younger ones on trash duty, for example. Also, make a buffett so people serve themselves, rather than a big sit down dinner. This is easier for serving and for clean up. And, if there are elderly guests, the younger ones can get their plates for them, you don't have to. Just take it easy, have a glass of wine, and put your family to work for you. They will have a memorable occasion. And, your family can spend time with your husband's family, and this is always nice. Maybe next year someone else might invite the crew over to their house, and you can go as a guest.

Answer 7

Wow, it sounds so difficult for you to chose. I will be honest im all for both families. I would never just invite my hubbies family or just my family. On holidays we do both families. It doesnt really matter the size of your home. Family is family & I think everyone should enjoy being around each other. I cant pick between his or mines, I can only go with both.

Answer 8

Family is family. If you are going to host it, then recognize you are going to have to go with both families. Sure, you did his for the first 4 years. Why didn't you include yours? Without family you got no history.

If space is an issue, move it to a grange or have it at a resturant for everyone and then the close family, Your parents and his parents and maybe grandparents) a small dinner on Christmas morning. Do the everyone dinner on the 24th. OR host one family on the 24th and the other on the 25th. Or better yet...go visit them at their house...have them do the work!

Answer 9

I think you should host your family for Thanksgiving and his for Christmas, as you stated..
We've been married for 22 years and have always been with his family for Thanksgiving and mine for Christmas..We go to his moms on Christmas Eve..
If time allows go visit his family for a couple of hours on Thanksgiving and vise versa for Christmas..

Good luck..

Answer 10

Tell him you are going to host Thanksgiving for your family and if his family is lucky, you will send them a piece of turkey.