I've been married for 8 months to a great man. We are very young, I am 24 he is 21. We do not have kids and I am not expecting. When we got married he was supposed to take a semester off from college while we could get everything settled. I am done with school. Well we recently moved and I am in a pretty decent job but he hasn't been able to go back to school because instead of taking a semester off he dropped oud and owes some fees. He is very depress because he wants to go back and I told him I would help to get him back paying the fees and everything. He thinks that life is not fair because many of his friends do not have to work and can go to school while their parents pay their bills but he is from a low middle class family, He works since he is 16. He has gotten very depress for that and because his mom lives 400 miles away. He is not the same, depress all the time and even when he says that he loves me so much, he thinks I cannot love him because nobody can. What do I do?
2007-10-07 09:12:34 · 14 answers · asked by dianndeltol 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
sorry about the grammar errors, english is my second language!
2007-10-07 09:22:27 · update #1
He gets so depress and says he wants to die because there is no chances for him in life. I am getting depress seen him like that everyday. I feel guilty because he married me and that's why all of these is happening. I try to make it easy for him but never is enough with him
2007-10-07 09:33:47 · update #2
Does your insurance provide for therapy? He needs some. Right now, you probably feel bad for him but at some point that will turn to resentment. Most Americans have to struggle to pay for college, not just lower middle class families. He has worked since he was 16??? Ok, so that's 5 years! He's got a lot more to go. MOST people start working at 16. Most people owe money when going through college.
I don't know why he thanks life is unfair. He is married to someone he loves and loves him back. Someone who supports him and cares about him, even during rough times. A wife who is willing to help him get back into his groove and pay his fees and start school again.
I would say he has it pretty good.
2007-10-07 09:21:44 · answer #1 · answered by candy'sroom 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing you can really do, it is just something he needs to get over, I'm more than 1200 miles away from my family and haven't been home since May, but i am the most happy gal in the world because my husband is here and not in Iraq again. I am also 21, I went to college already and worked while i was there, yeah it sure was depressing but there is always something in life that depresses us and some worse than others, he needs to suck it up, he is changing and life is changing and its not going to wait for him while he sits around and complains about it. "If you don't like the way your life is turning out or the way life is, change it, complaining will get you nowhere."
"There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year's course. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word 'happy' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness." -Carl Jung
2007-10-07 16:39:40 · answer #2 · answered by Neekoleye 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all you have to know that he is an adult and if he chose to drop out of school he needs to do the responsible thing and pay the fees back. THAT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!
Second, depression is a very hard thing for someone to accept, especially when it is someone you love. You have to know that this is about him and not about you. If he is making comments saying how he wishes he would die then I think you need to do something about it immediately. Tell his family if you have to. Suicide is something that can not be changed and if he is really feeling that way then he needs help from a professional. It sounds like he needs some therapy and possibly medication, and there is nothing wrong with either of them.
2007-10-07 16:57:02 · answer #3 · answered by DelinquentGurl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep insisting you love him, 'cause it seems you really do. It's hard to understand why some people have everything handed to them and others have to work for it. But, we have to accept it and move on. Keep encouraging him to go back to school. As long as that is what is really depressing him. It seems to me that the early 20s are a tough time, and we often get caught up in all the disappointments and uncertainties of life at that time. You should act as a sort of stability for him. Take what you know about him and put it to work to make him feel better.
2007-10-07 16:21:55 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depression is a disease. Don't get sucked into it too. Your are his light. Encourage him as you can when you can and support him fully. I have been going through depression and I know what its like. My husband has been there through thick and thin and many times it's been very hard on him but he goes through the battles with me. If you would like to talk more about your issues with your husband, I feel like I can be the other side of the story for you to understand him better. Good Luck
2007-10-07 16:42:04 · answer #5 · answered by ediabullo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your new hubby should probably go see a professional. He may need to go onto medication for a short period of time while he works through his depression. Having you next to him should help him tremendously. Probably having a job and/or going back to school would give him some purpose and help him get through things too. Good luck.
2007-10-07 16:50:08 · answer #6 · answered by lahockeyg 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find a good Christian church to go to. Sometimes when you remember how God operates it can bring you out of a funk and inspire you to carry on. Therapists can be helpful but they dont really try to motivate you to do better. Right now he needs to be inspired so that he may find a reason for living. God always helps. And maybe you dont beleive it but ask the people that go to church. A lot of them go through depression as well as other things, and they find solace in the Lord. This really may sound stupid to you but try it, its free and can be fun for the both of you.
2007-10-07 16:43:47 · answer #7 · answered by Carrie g 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him to get help. If you have a job, you probably have health insurance with mental health benefits. Or, he can go to a local mental health center. He needs to get off the pity pot and get his act together. Or, you need to stop thinking that he is such a great man, when he cannot handle being a grown up man.
2007-10-07 16:21:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs a swift kick in the behind. He needs to stop being selfish and start moving on with life. It isnt always easy and we dont always get what we want but he needs to step up and be a man.
2007-10-07 16:18:39 · answer #9 · answered by Bob D 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is still young and should follow his dream whatever it takes, go back to school , their are loans grants etc. maybe he needs couseling as I have depression and i have to take medication and it helps me. Dont feel bad alot of people have depression just take medicat ion for it ,he is lucky he has you and sounds like you two can make it. good luck
2007-10-07 16:29:28 · answer #10 · answered by Krystal 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋