I was downstairs on the couch, and he was in the bed.
When I went upstairs to say again that I don't want to cuddle and invited him to watch the movie with me, (Good Will Hunting) he said, "I've seen it 30 times, you go and watch it."
So I did.
Now, my question is this: Our therapist told me that I shouldn't do anything out of guilt and not to feel guilty for saying no, but it's difficult to do.
Should my husband eventually start to comply with the therapists suggestions at some point? Because it is driving me away. It's been a month since it was suggested.
2007-10-07 09:01:00 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Maybe we are immature in ways, but this is beside the point and doesn't address the question.
To the second comment, thank you. :)
2007-10-07 09:10:01 · update #1
Oh, yes, I did yell from downstairs for him to come down and watch the movie with me, he said no, come upstairs, I repeated myself and asked him to come down on the couch, he said to come up, so I did, and repeated my desire to be downstairs. So, sigh, yeah did that.
2007-10-07 09:33:28 · update #2
No, the reason I say no, is because I shouldn't have to feel guilted into doing something. This is a common occurance and I'm not willing to do sympathy ***. If I feel to do it then I will, but pressuring me isn't going to work especially when we discussed the way to go about doing it.
2007-10-07 09:35:36 · update #3
Terry, thank you for taking a look at the other questions I've asked, it's tough to put everything into one post, and I've been trying to split it up into smaller parts. LOL
2007-10-07 10:00:45 · update #4
This is one of those rare times on YA that someone asks a question and you begin to question your own actions etc. I have taken time to look through your previous questions and what I see is a relationship (and I use that term very loosely) in big trouble. This is not a marriage, it is legal agreement between the two of you, there is no love, affection or emotion in this relationship and there never will be.
Having read your other questions I can see that you two have almost identical issues as I did with my ex wife (emphasis on the 'ex'). Seeing this stuff written down has given me a chance to see those issues from a perspective other than my own and by doing that I can clearly see how much of a mistake my marriage was and why it was never going to work.
Unfortunately although your problems are very similar they are a lot deeper and you have been married for a lot less time so I just cannot see how there is any way that this is going to work. You do not love each other, you never will (and I wonder if you ever did), if your family love you then they will want you to be happy and that means ending this nightmare of a relationship and moving on. If they cannot see that you need to move on from this experience then you need to question why they don't want you to be happy.
My wife was not my soulmate, we got divorced and I have since found someone that completes my life, I hope you do the same.
2007-10-07 09:49:24 · answer #1 · answered by Very happily married. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He wanted you and you walked away from him to watch a movie. Imagine how you would have felt if he had done this to you? This is your husband and you could be happy that he desires to be with you because for some men this is as close as they can get to expressing their desire and love for you. Making love and being intimate with the man you love is a beautiful and caring expression. At some point you either have to decide what is best for the relationship and take the therapist with a grain of salt. Marriage is about give and take here and sometimes you have to understand where to give. The bedroom is a sacred place for a married couple and when you open the door for all your outside problems to enter into it you are only asking for more problems that a counselor will not be able to fix! A man will only tollerate being refused for so long before he gives up on you and everything you want from him in your world! I am sorry....but I don't think this is so much about him driving you away its more about leaving him with the feeling of rejection that could drive him to want out of your life! So I would be very careful here.
2007-10-07 09:32:34 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why waste the energy walking upstairs to tell your husband you don't want to cuddle and then walk all the way back down? I would have yelled for him to come down and watch the movie with me.
Be careful on placing too much emphasis on what therapists say, it could have the reverse effect and your husband may leave you. Oh but then your therapist will blame your husband for not facing the issues in your marriage.
2007-10-07 09:15:20 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm kind of at a loss as to why the two of you can't cuddle on the couch (or even better in bed) and watch the movie at the same time.
I would never give up a chance to cuddle for TV though.
2007-10-07 14:49:10 · answer #4 · answered by Jenny 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
husband wanted cuddle dont watch movie
2016-02-02 09:34:07 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you pushing him away?
He wanted to cuddle, cuddle is a form of "bonding", thus making your marriage stronger, and bringing you two together, you said no to bonding, something tells me you are already done with this marriage.
You told him twice no to cuddling????
I can see if he asked you to take out the garbage, or something like that, but he wanted to hold you in his arms and feel your body next to his and bond, and you said no twice??
I think you misunderstood the therapist when she or he said that you should not do anything out of guilt and not to feel guilty for saying no.
I think you should feel guilty about not cuddling with your husband, and not feel guilty about taking out the trash or something like that.
2007-10-07 09:46:40 · answer #6 · answered by carriegreen13 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'll tell you what is happening and why he didn't give in and watch the movie with you. He is at the "last straw" point and probably has a girl on the side he is considering and chomping at the bit to be with. I would bet money that he decided to do this as a test and if you failed he's going over to the dark side. Guess what...you failed.
2007-10-07 12:58:52 · answer #7 · answered by norm_paperman69 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think your husband wants your attention and you are busy watching tv. Connecting with your husband is far more important to your future, to his future than watching a movie you've seen many times before. If you don't want to cuddle with your husband...you may have deeper problems in your marriage.
2007-10-07 09:53:21 · answer #8 · answered by lahockeyg 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
.. Yeah, if he wanted to cuddle badly enough, he could've just done so on the couch with the movie on. The situation isn't a big deal, but I agree with what the therapist said, don't just give in out of guilt.
2007-10-07 09:07:13 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
This is what I think ..
Time flies, I would never give up any chance to cuddle for a movie ! For a movie can be seen again , but a cuddle lost --- is a cuddle lost for ever ! It cannot be re-played .. like in your case.
These small small happinesses make a big joy. Imagine - if you did cuddle up next to him and said to him " My Love, My own - I found that movie captivating ... but sugar nothing compares to you ! - You owe me a movie !! ''
Shrinks say a lot of things - but friend it is only you who can save your relationship.
Besides .. no one likes to hear a ''no'' !! isn't it .... would you ???
2007-10-07 09:09:06 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋