My wife cheated on me. Should I forgive her or let her stay.?

Question

My wife cheated on me. I am a torn man. It is something that I can't comprehend. I went to COSTCO with a friend to get some food for a little business meeting. My wife called me and told me my friend had stopped by I said Id be home soon. SHe gave me 4 calls in thirty minutes asking where i was at. When I came home one my friend was sitting on the couch. when the business meeting was over and the guest left my house, I went in the room to make love to my wife, I put my hand on her shoulder and she started freaking out. Thats when I noticed hicky marks on her chest and a bruise on her leg and her lips were chapped. I played it off and took of her panties and they were full of ***. SHe did some stop drop and roll **** and started yelling like I was committing domestic violence, I never touched her. I left the room and calmed down. I called the dude who was at the house with her he didnt answer so went to his house and socked him in the mouth as I stood over him ready to stomp his head.

He went to the emergency room at midnight and didn't press charges, he changed his number, I told his wife too since she called me form the emergency room. For a week a laid on the floor in a state of denial of how my wife cheatd on me in less than a year and a half of marraige. BUt she keeps denying that anything happened and drew this **** out for six days before admitting it. We talk about repairing things, but i know she is not being honest. She has changed her password to 1977islove. It use to be the pet name I gave her. NOw its the birth year of the dude she screwed on my couch. I catch her staring at it as if she is off in la la land. So now I have to thre throw couch out. Or should I throw hew out. But then I would face the world alone. I've been blatently disrespected in my own home and I can't calm down. She brought outside parties into this her family, friends and father making it seem like I'm lying. She was fake crying on the phone talking about she gonna kill herself.

At night she sleeps on a different side of the bed, curled up in a ball facing away from me. Every now and then she would flinch and kick her legs. Will I ever be able to get her back emotionally and physically or is all lost.

We went to couples counseling five days after this event the couselor cried when I explained this situation. My wife was just defensive trying to justify her actions.

On Friday she confessed and said she regretted it, no tears or anything. She just seems mad she got caught.
We stayed up to three in the morning arguing about this crap. NOW she says she didn't do it. Cause I told her I should tell all of her friends my side of events so they can see how big of a whore she is. I always caught her looking at other men when walking down the street and called her out about it. I've assualted men before, but it never got to this level before. As I stood over that man ready to stomp his head in, I thought to myself why would I kill for someone who doesnt love me?

I am too embarrassed to tell my family and friends about this tragedy. When I look back on events in her life I connect the dots and it seemed like a left hook hit me in the face. A lot of her old female friends have accussed her of stuff like messing with boyfriends. I admit that in the past I use to do my thing but since I've been maried I've been faithful to her, we mutually read Playboy and watch porn. Its like she the ***** in black snake moan or something.
After I initially caught her:
She tries to cover the marks up with MAC liquid pump makeup thats invisible, I went in the kitchen and got a paper towel, wet it and wiped it across her chest and told her to stop playing games. I would never hit this woman so I storm out of the room. She said she is going in the kitchen to prepare one of those bourtolli frozen dinners. She comes back out in the living room and sat on the other couch and said, "I don't see no marks". Thats when I stood up and walked over to her and grabbed her.

Her chest and left hand were nearly frozen, I asked myself how dumb does she think I am.
After I beatup the dude and came home she gave me some of the sympathy sex..I took it as I was in denial that this happened, SO now I think I need to get an AIDS test.
The next day she was peeing way to frequently, twice an hour with great urgency. I noticed a mild burning sensation at the tip of my penis. I even had to pull the car over so she could piss at a Jack in the Box.
I don't want the town to see me as a laughing stock now. How do I keep from going of the deepend and forgive a manipulative biznitch with no remorse, sympathy. I told her don't you see the humiliation this puts me in. Our friends are well aware of it. neighbors walk the halls just to listen as she dissess me, saying: I don't love her or care about her life, haha..how she still has her friends...she even said "IT is what it is". HOw do I handle this without going insane?

I told her I was going to email this story to all of her friends. She got kind of worried and embarrassed. I sent her what I would have sent to them in a text message. Now she wants to go to get a polygraph, I said no way. Why would I pay $500 when I already now shes lying.
She know she messed up now she wanna stay, saying stuff like I don't want a divorce. I told her I can't love her with 100% of my heart anymore. She started crying I said what for, "She said thats what my dad said before he left my mom." "Oh thats why your sad because you are thinking about things in the past. Im talking about the present and the future." Whenever we talk of relationships she always tries to bring up something in her childhood as an excuse. How long will she deny this event ever took place?

Answer 1

I have a story similar to that. It is very hard but you gotta kick her to the curb.

Answer 2

Did she actually have consented to this with this guy or could she have been raped? Because, the way you described it, sounds like she was more distressed and a bit in shock.
Now, obviously, if she did have sex with the guy, when you just left for 30 minutes and is behaving like she would want more, I'd say to let her go and take her chances at convincing him!!
Life is hard on your own, especially when you have children. But, trust me, being in a bad relationship is worse.
So, take a deep breath, and do show her the door, that's the best you can do.
She can go to her family and take it from there.
Where was your kid when this happened?
Because, if he wasn't properly looked after, you may be accepted as their legal guardian.
Man, I feel for you.
This is terrible.
But, are you sure she did really sleep with this guy of her own free will??
If she did, yes, this doesn't sound like a tiny mistake, because of the place, the situation and just doesn't make much sense, apart from her being promiscuous.

Ps: My, for reading more, I feel so sorry for you. She doesn't deserve you, and you don't need such a person in your life.
Definitely go for a STD test.
What a shame. Some people don't know what they have until they lose it. Just kick her out!

Answer 3

wow, I'm sorry you are going thru this. As to whether or not you can get over and move on that's going to be up to only you and your wife. None of us can give you the right answer to that. I don't think socking the man in the mouth was the best idea but whats done is done.
You have to decide if you are willing to forgive her and if you do decide that you need to never mention it again, it will only cause hurt and guilt for the both of you guys. If you feel you cannot get past it than you need to do what you need to do. I will never agree to cheating on a spouse, there is never an excuse thats good enough, no excuse will make it acceptable......
Good luck, I hope whatever happens you are both ok.

Answer 4

Well first of all it takes two, you went over to your so called friends house and socked him in the mouth and ready to stomp his face in,hello you go to jail and they play house in your house.Not a good move on your part.Nice move if you get away with it,but as I said it takes two she let him have his way with her.She made you feel like you did some thing wrong so you beat your so called friend up.You do know he could send you to jail for what you did.My thought dump your so called friend,friends don't tap another men wife.And for her you need to tell her were you stand with this whole thing.If you let her stay she will only do it again as long as you work and not there to take care of her needs.Stop working or work at home or dump her she will only do it again when your gone.

Answer 5

She did it while you were gone for a short time??? She must be a slut. File divorce. There are better women out there, I guarantee. I would never do that to my husband.

She must have been doing it for a while, if she brought him.

I feel really sorry for you. Leave her. Leave her immediately. She is not worth of your life and your time. You will meet a sweet nice lady one day. You will see. I am sorry to hear your struggles. Don't pay attention what she is saying to other people. They are not dumb. They will see through her and her lies eventually. And it doesn't matter what other people think about your life. It's none of their business. Move away, move to a different city and start your new life.

I almost cried while reading it. I feel you. Be strong, you will be okay eventually.

Answer 6

Let her go, I think she has no respect for you as her husband. I've heard of women cheating before but she went as far as to get hickies/ bruises & didnt even have the decency to clean herself up & change her undies, how gross. Find you a better woman.

Answer 7

If this is a true story then u need to leave her and move on with your life. she cheated on u man, and that is the worse kind of hurt a marriage can go thru, but something tells me u may be the other man here instead of your wife... do what u need to do ...

Answer 8

Sorry to hear about that. People are different, but to me, that is the one thing I cannot forgive. It would be over for me, but there a lot of people that work through it. You need to do some serious sole searching to decide what YOU want to do. Good luck.

Answer 9

I would talk to her and find out WHAT happened. It sounds like there's some questions that aren't being answered here. It's possible that she was assaulted, and.... if she didn't clean up and change... I believe that she wanted you to know. Whether it was intentional or an assault, it's clear that she wanted you to know.

you need more facts.


but good on ya for punching the guy. :)

Answer 10

I would start the divorce papers, If they do it once, they'll do it twice. She obviously has no self-respect nor integrity. Why would you want to stay with someone who does not respect you.
Move on with your life.