Any suggestions on this?

Question

I live with bf, have lived here about a year. Moved an hour away form my family and friends to be with him. Heres the deal. I don't have a license, and if I did it wouldn't matter anyway. No way to buy a car. I did have a job, but picking me up and taking me to work conflicted with his work so I was constantly late. Well, he works 20 hours a a week, and basically just gets to sit on his butt all day works as a computer tech. He also goes to school, online classes right now. I am enrolled fulltime online classes too, so yes I stay home all day. But..... I'm expected to do everything, . I clean the house everyday, he leaves his dishes pop cans .laundrymat-i do them, than have to put them away On weekends, he sleeps til 5 at night. i dont mind it most days. i cook or we don't eat. But even when we go to the store, i have to make the list up,than put them away right now there is 6 trash bags in the kitchen.i just want a lil help! if i mention it, he says im nagging

Answer 1

My husband is in the Army (unfortunately) working 60 hours/wk+ , i also have a job workig 40 hours/wk with almost opposite schedules, yet I do most of the cleaning and cooking when I can, I absolutely HATE cleaning but it has to get done. However, I feel the same way sometimes, guilty because I don't work as much as him yet like his mother because I pick up his SH#$. When I feel used I just tell him so that on our 1 day off together he will help me a bit around the house while he's working on his truck. He does have his chores I told him I WILL NOT do, like lawn mowing, the garbage, picking up anything of his besides some of his dishes when the dishwasher is ready to be filled. Tell him its not you wanting to be lazy, its you feeling that he is treating you as his mother or maid and its disrespectful, no matter what, if you have a job or not, he lives there to, so he should have to pick up after himself. Or tell him you want him to show a little more appreciation for the things you do around the house, just talk to him about it, they usually understand.

Answer 2

I have been married twice. This sounds like my first husband but he didn't do this until we were married. GET OUT QUICKLY. Call your family and friends and get their help. I understand why this might scare you but it is a form of abuse. I wouldn't want anyone to deal with what I did. I had such problems leaving this marriage that my now husband and I dated for 8 years before I would even think about making a commitment. Trust when I say this it won't get any better as life goes on. And it would be a horrible marriage. You may love him and that is great but then again he may just be using you. I just recently got remarried to the love of my life and I may write a list and give it to him but he does all of the grocery shopping. I cook and clean but he helps. I also work and so does he. Get your freedom and see if this changes him. Most likely won't but then he isn't the one for you. He will change for the person he wants to. Maybe it isn't you. Don't take that personally just realize that we all kiss toads to find a prince. Good Luck and I will keep you in my prayers.

Answer 3

Sit down and talk to him honestly. Tell him that these things bother you (try not to be dramatic because then men just tune women off) Tell him that you are not hit mother or maid and you need take turns and compromise when it comes to housework. Tell him that you would wash dishes and do laundry if he hates that but he needs to buy groceries and cook once in a while. Tell him that you cannot live like this and would rather live on your own.

If he doesn't change, either leave him or stop cooking for him. Eat before he gets home, so you are not starving too. Stop going to the grocery store and buying the groceries. Buy only what you eat, don't buy any food for him. Stop cleaning the house and washing dishes. If he doesn't do anything, take him money and hire the housekeeper to clean the dishes. So anything to stop putting up with his laziness!! I guess his mother didn't teach him right.

Answer 4

Sounds like you can see into the future if you get married. You teach people how to treat you. Talk with him about your feelings, and come up with all the chores to split. Or even just write down everything that you do to show him how much.

If he truly cares for you, he will respect you. Maybe he doesn't realize how much you do. Why don't you just do your laundry, clean up your plate for a week to show lack of his contribution.

You can't expect him to be a mindreader, but you can expect him to be part of the solution after you tell him. If not, that's another question.

Answer 5

I call it the Cinderella Syndrome---he found a Cinderella to pick up after him so he can live like a slob.
Honey, move back home with your family, they will help get you transporation. It's not good being stuck inside all day, cleaning up after a pig. Your family will help you get your schooling and you can actually have a social life.
You are not his slave. But as long as you keep doing it, he's got it made---he's got the car all to himself, then sleeps and messes---whew, what a winner.

Answer 6

Huney go take a cold shower see if u wake up muve on it won't change but will get worse get a job get the buss or do something you too much for him and he is not appresiating what you do u just the maid there come on baby get out of there the world is watting for you .

Answer 7

To put into fishing term... you got yourself a keeper!

Seriously. If you marry him, he will indeed change. He will just get worse.

Why don't you get a job, an apartment, a car, and a little financial security and Independence, then look for Mr. Right.

You are worth too much to be his Ms. Right now.

Good luck.

Answer 8

This guy is giving you a roof over your head for basic household chores and you are complaining-- try being homeless. Get a life and stop depending on men. In the meantime, this is what you have made of your life--- get used to it or move on.

Answer 9

I.ve been married 23 years and if I have done that it wouldn,t have lasted 6 weeks, he's got to commit more to u

Answer 10

thats no good at all, thats almost a form of abuse. get rid of him find urself a real man that dosen't mind holding his own in a relationship. good luck to u, i'll keep u in my prayers.