daughter is 17....?

Question

my daughter is 17 and she and her boyfriend want to get married! I am totally opposed to this. He is 19, got kicked out of college, is bisexual, has no job, and she is barley passing high school in special ed classes. She will be 18 in four months, and then they will be able marry with or without my permission. How can i talk her out of it? I don't want her to marry a bisexual man

Answer 1

Well, it is her decision and the only thing you can give her is your opinion weather she listens or not, if you are opposed of it now then don't give your consent, but when she is 18 she is a free bird, time for her to make her own decisions and and learning from her mistakes. Try not to argue about it, I know when my mom had a problem with the things I was doing she would ask me how i felt about it and she would tell me how she felt and made sure I knew that it was her telling me her feelings and not what to do because she knew i would rebel if that was the case and do it anyway. Then we would talk, its a lot easier then arguing and us being mad at each other. Good Luck, i hope she makes the right decision.

Answer 2

You sure don't want her to marry a bisexual man. Good God, why does your daughter feel that you are such a poor source of information and advice? Try to see if you can enlist some other people to talk with her (Aunts, Grandparents, trusted family friends, etc.) and make sure that you tell her that you love her and think she is making an enormous mistake that will have lasting repercussions. Let her know, kindly but firmly, that you will always be there for her, but that there will be NO financial support from you in any way once she marries this guy. Frankly, there is no way you can stop her if this is what she is dead set on doing, but you don't have to support it.

Answer 3

What is wrong with her marrying a bisexual man? So what. Maybe you should just accept the fact that when she turns 18 she will get married. If you don't accept it she may leave you out of her life. Do you want to be part of her life or not? if you do, you need to accept it. And be there for her.

Answer 4

wow.... there's a challenging question.

I think that I *may* be able to offer a little advice, only because I almost married a man that was completely wrong for me. The fact that this guy is bisexual and a college flunkie is secondary.

When I was 15, I met a man that was 21. We established a relationship, and by 17, I was pregnant. We decided to get married, much to my parents dismay. He was abusive, a heavy drinker and drug userr, and I was constantly either in teh hospital or a women's shelter. My parents tried to step in adn talk me out of being with him, but the more they tried, the closer I got to him.

the thing that got me away from him... believe it or not, was my parents support. My mother helped me plan the wedding, went dress shopping with me and footed the entire bill. 6 weeks before the wedding was to take place, I made the choice for MYSELF that this man was not who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. As soon as all of the outside pressure was gone, and I wasn't defending my relationship with him, I was able to see the situation clearly and make my own choice.

As HARD AS IT IS to watch your daughter walk down a path that is treacherous and frought with pain, just walk with her. Honestly. The more you try to discourage her, the more she will run to him.

If, in the event that your daughter does marry this man, just reast easily knowing that a divorce is not hard to obtain, and it's very likely that it will end up that way.

my heart truly goes out to you, but as a grown woman who was once in your daughter's shoes... walk beside her. Chances are, that with the love and support of her mother, she will turn her back on the counterfeit love she gets from this idiot.

Answer 5

I am speaking from experience from the daughters point of view. I am 23 and just got married to a 35 year old man(whom I love deeply.) My parents were very against this from the beginning of our relationship. My parents tried to bully me into to doing things their way. My dad and I (who had been close once) would have huge arguments. He would yell at me and tell me that all the choices I was making were wrong. The only thing he accomplished was pushing me further away. Ultimately my parents had to accept the fact that I am my own person capable of making my own decisions. It was time for them to let me grow up. And if it turns out to be a mistake, it's my mistake to make. As hard as it would be for my parents to watch me suffer, it would be a learning experience for me. Not that I have any intention of letting my marriage fail, but it all boils down to the fact that at some point, you have to let go. You need to be careful about the way you go about talking to your daughter. Please don't push or be unkind. Your daughter will be more likely to take your advice if she is certain you are on her side. At least if she does end up with this guy, you will still be close enough to your daughter to help her if and when things go wrong. You want her to come to you, not run away. I hope everything will work out for the best. Feel free to contact me if you want to talk more...

Answer 6

Sometimes stubborn kids have to experience life for themselves until they believe what their parents told them.

I think perhaps you could show her some things in a different direction. perhaps do some campus visits, anything to get her mind off of him, maybe a mom/daughter vacation where she can be away from the guy for a while.

I don't know what you've tried, but I don't know if her friends are supporting her or not, and they might be a key component if you ask them how they feel, and get info. It might seem sneaky from your daughter's point of view, but kids listen to the friends more often than their parents.

I hope she can see further down road with some help, and maybe a counselor can help her understand the responsibilities that she is not seeing for herself.

Answer 7

All you can do is keep talking to her.....but she is almost 18 and will ultimately make the choice to marry this guy or not. I have a 17 year old daughter....and she really has no interest in guys....especially the ones at school....she is an honor student and thinks guys at school are too immature...LOL....says she waiting until college to start dating.

Answer 8

Asked her right out if she is pregnent? My sister in 1969, ran away, with a hippi guru, and she had to marry him, she was 17, cause she was pregnent, After years of marriage, Her and him are still together, she know has 5 grandchildren, There was ups and downs, but they got through it, of course my parents kicked her out and made things soo rough for them in the beginning, But she grew up and got wise, If she is not pregnent, then tell her true stories, and about the legacy of money and if she doesnt listen, then kick her out and make it rough for her, she will see, My sis went from living in a ghetto in a one room apt, to a high class 5 bedroom house with an apartment with 2 bedrooms on the side of the house, He went from being a shoe salesman at jc penny, to a conductor on the railroad, She was one of the lucky ones, I didnt make it, i was not very smart, I haved to rely on everyone to help me and now iam divorced with nothing

Answer 9

Remember when you were 17? You are not going to be able to control her decision or talk her out of anything. She is 17. She knows all. But most of all she is ready to begin flying and begining a journey of her own.
No, you do not need to for this, but you can let her know how you feel and let her know you care and share what you think about the whole deal but be sure to close that short meeting with a HUGE hug and let her know you are their for her. Of course it is up to how much you will be there but letting her know may give her strenght to leave this jerk should she open her young blind eyes.

Answer 10

You could tell her that you are willing to help with the wedding on the grounds that they attend counseling for 1 year before they get married. Hopefully she will come to her senses and decide not to marry him. She would not want to wind up married with 5 children and a deadbeat husband who makes her do everything.
Good Luck