My fiance's family are very stricked. They like to stick together, but my fiance is differnt then them. He is the ONLY one that runs to them when we argue and talks bad about me to them! I get along very well with his little sisters, (being that they are only one year younger than I) and his younger brothers.
His older brothers always talk REALLY good about thier girlfreinds, and I am the only one in the family who has to deal with the drama my fiance starts! I dont know what to do! We have children together, and we live on our own... I just dont know what to do!!! Please help because I dont know what to do!!! But its getting kind of ANNOYING!!! What should I do? I have told him about it bothering me, but he still went and did it!
He tells his sisters, and I dont know what to do because we are like best friends,(his sisters and I)
He doesnt tell his mother anything.. and only told his father bad things about me once.. but ALWAYS tells his brothers and sisters things about me.
2007-10-07 07:46:14 · 17 answers · asked by PrInCeSs 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I dont agree with az_momma's comment to you!!! Dont listen to it!!! How would you have known that he would run to your in laws? What kind of comment is that? (Ignorance)
Any ways,
Talk to you fiance about it. Tell him how you feel. Does he tell them good things about you? I dont understand what type of man would run and speak negative about his fiance who has beared him children! Tell him to GROW up! Maybe when you and him argue he doesnt like the fact that you are so close to his siblings? Maybe you should stop haning so much with them. Tell him if he continues to speak bad about you that he leaves you no choice other than not dealing with them.. stay away from them for a while to show him you are not playing! Besides what is he teaching your children? To run and tell the family your personal business? and why arent you and him married? 8 years? hmm I think that says alot about this man!
Just talk to him and let him know that you will not sit there and tolerate having to deal with his family! you are with him, not his family!! Good luck!
2007-10-07 08:02:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your "fiance" is extremely immature and is showing you a total lack of respect and regard. I was going to say it's time for you to pack up and leave until I read that you have children with this man. He is being a poor example to them and is disrespecting their mother, something that is teaching them that it is okay to disrespect you and others in relationships.
I'm sorry he ignored you, but you are the only one who can put a stop to this. By listening to his complaints and not telling him to discuss the issues with you instead and to be a man about dealing with his problems head on, his family is encouraging and condoning his behavior.
You are at a point where you may have to give him an ultimatum, but you had better be prepared to follow through with it. It may take you walking out with your kids to wake this guy up. If not, then you deserve to move on and find someone who will be a good role model to your children and who will love and respect you as you deserve.
2007-10-07 07:59:32 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your mother in law doesn't need to be involved, but instead you and the guy have to come to some agreements and promise each other to stick with them. I'm sure he misses his family and i don't think there's anything wrong with him going to visit from time to time, but if plans are made you both need to follow through with those plans. Accept your mother in law at face value. By doing this you won't expect her to change. Meanwhile set limits and boundaries with her. It's ok to say "no thank you" and it's ok not to give reasons/excuses. Talking to her would make her feel as if you were being demeaning and judgmental, and i'm here to tell you it will make things ten times worse than they are now. Your man and you need to talk about this in a civilized way. You both need to bend a bit for each other. There's nothing wrong with wanting to spend your holidays with him, so if you have to go to visit his family with him every-other year, then do it if you want to be with him. And during that time, be with HIM and respect his feelings of love for his family (even if you don't like them). And expect the same in return from him. You two can work it out. Many of us have had to go through this. And if/when you have children, he will likely be more inclined to spend the holidays at home with you and them... time changes things.
2016-05-18 01:28:10 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is a mommas boy and he is never going to marry you.... eight years of running to mommy is a real turn off for me... The first time he ran to mommy would have been it a long time ago... good luck. If the rest of the family knows mommy also knows what is going on...I would not want to be married into a family like this... You need to get some help call a shelter and take your kids and start a new life....
2007-10-07 08:05:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know what?, do you want to know the truth?, it was you the one who chose that fiance and not another fiance. She is perfectly fine doing what she is doing if that's what she wants to do, it's up to you if you stay there taking that or not. It's all your fault, you can either leave now which probably is the best way if you want to live in peace with someone mature, or stay with this person who is just all-little-drama and having to do that kind of things to talk about you.
2007-10-07 08:16:52 · answer #5 · answered by livingthe30s 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, he's a little immature, and the fact that his brothers and sisters don't tell him to get lost is encouraging him.
Well, I don't suppose they can really, since that's what family is for.
But, at least he doesn't run to mum and dad, which is better.
Try to ignore him when he does that, or even, tell him straight away to go and tell his brothers and sisters.
Try not to let it get to you, as it might be the real reason he's doing that. Eventually, he'll grow up.
Good luck.
2007-10-07 08:05:37 · answer #6 · answered by Kc 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ALthough you have been married 8 years and have children togthor , you need to give him an ultimatum. It is either you, him and your children or his family. He should not be running to his family when you two have your problems. There can become resentment and believe me, that does not go well. Shame on him. Tell him he needs to straighten his butt up or you are leaving. Knowone else should be involved in your problems but the two of you! BE STRONG and GOOD LUCK!
2007-10-07 08:39:08 · answer #7 · answered by jag88 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask your "fiance" to fight fair. Go together to get some professionsal counselling on how to cope with your differences. If he won't go then YOU go quietly to a lawyer to and get advice for separation and for total custody and support payments for the children. This tattletale life is yours forever, and when the kids are old enough, he will talk bad about you to them as well.
2007-10-07 08:03:04 · answer #8 · answered by bin there dun that 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is trying to work through his problems, but in a bad way. that is not the way. let him know up front, that if he does it again, you want the two of you to attend couples counseling. tell him you don't appreciate it, and if he doesn't stop, you will insist on seeing a counselor. and if he refuses to go to the counselor, explain the situation to his brothers and sisters, and ask to stay with them for a while, so that you aren't around and he can see you are serious, but also he wouldn't be able to talk bad about you to them if they know the whole truth, and you are staying with them to show him how serious you are about seeing a counselor.
2007-10-07 07:55:42 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you respect yourself, don't put up with it. Nothing is worth giving up your self respect. You don't want someone that is going to help you do that. Take this very seriously. It (your decision) will affect the rest of your life.
You really want someone who helps you grow, gives you confidence and likes who you are. He should be selling your accolades to his family. This attitude of his will not help with the kids either. Picture him telling them how bad you are.
2007-10-07 08:00:23 · answer #10 · answered by len b 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋