Why can't I seem to get along with one of my step sons?

Question

I was married 6 years ago. My wife had two children and I have none. I knew what I was getting into. Since their boilogical father is total shmuck, I had to step in as the 'father figure'. One of my step sons, did a total role reversal. Started getting good grades. Helps out around the house. Doesn't ask for anything. He has a temper at times, but I have taught him how to control it. (I have a temper too, and the USMC taught me how to focus it correctly.) My 'good' step son refers to me as 'dad' or 'my father'. Each time he does this, I feel a sense of pride, however I do remind him he has a biological father out there.

My other step son. Wow! Where to begin? He has near driven my wife and I to divorce three times through manipulation and lies. Manipulation doesn't work on me, but it sure works on my wife. She even knows he's doing it to her, yet she can't get over 'He's my son.'

Gimmie a second to finish before ansering.

When he was sixteen he stole a card collection worth about eight hundred dollars from me, sold it to a friend for twenty dollars and bought himself a music CD. He failed school 5 years in a row with solid F's, yet the school system kept moving him on. "No child left behind." He tests average, but refuses to do any work for it. When he was seventeen, his mother had him move in with his biological father. She couldn't take what he was doing to our marriage anymore. He spend two years there complaining about how bad his father treats him. Meanwhile, we did great. He left his fathers to come stay with us. Funny, she believed him again. Within a week of him being in our home, we were right back where we started. He won't work, won't clean up after himself and EXPECTS others to do it for him. He was constantly lying to his mother/brother and I, so he moves out again. For two years I had to work overtime at work to foot the bills for his appartment.

He was coming over every weekend until I finally told my wife "No more! I bust my *** so he can sit on his." He's a complete drain on our finances and we had to cancel vacations we had planned because we keep dipping into our vacation funds. He even lied to us about having a job at one time. 'So were wouldn't worry." Give me a break.
I deliver the ultimatum. "Stop paying for him. Two years and no job?" I hated doing it and putting my wife in that position, but I had to. He then gets evicted. Go figure. Guess where he comes. You guessed it. Our home. Within two days, we were at it again. Old paterns. He does nothing but sit on the couch and watch T.V. and even commands his mother "Hey, can you get me a drink?" The frig is twenty feet from my couch. Christ! It drove me nuts. My wife gets him in Job Corps. He moves out. which is where we stand now.

Now, I love my wife. Everytime I see him abuse her love for him like this. I SEE RED. Am I wrong? What can I do?

Answer 1

You got lucky with one, count your blessings. The other will continue to give you trouble as long as your wife lets him...

Answer 2

I assume he is a grown man now. He will never stand on his own if he doesn't have to. I feel so sorry for your wife.A mother never stops worrying about the kids. No matter how old they become. She should not let him treat her the way he does. I don't think there is really anything you can do to help with that. She needs to show him she wont take disrespect from him.And she should help you take control of your own home. Its time.

Answer 3

It's normal...
Most kids don't like their step-parents just because they're the STEP parents. It doesn't matter what you do