The details as I know them are that this man was/is friends with my wife before we got together. I had always been told that they hung out together only with a group of mutual friends. I have learned that they dined together and traveled overnight alone several times that I know of.(seperate hotel rooms I'm told)
I found pictures of them being very affectionate on a romantic sunset cruise. My wife admitted he made a pass at her that night and she rejected him. I also found a card that he expressed that he was in love with her. Does anyone think it is possible that this was just "companionship" as my wife has described their relationship. The reason it affects me is because they continued to be friends after we got together. He even came to our wedding with his wife.
I confronted the man and he claimed he saw himself as a mentor to her. I told my wife she would be lucky to find 1 person in 100 to believe her, I just want to get other opinions.
2007-10-07 06:17:12 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
my opinions:
1) they were more than friends before you got married - possibly lovers
2) she doesn't love him - SHE LOVES AND MARRIED YOU
3) she has done nothing physical with him since you've been married
4) he hangs out with her because he still thinks he has a chance
5) she hangs out with him because she likes attention
6) she doesn't love him but is insecurely keeping him around as a fall back guy - just in case, cuz he is acceptable
7) though nothing physical is going on - there is an emotional attachment (maybe more like and emotional crutch for her) - this is dangerous
The resolution:
1) she should be honest with you about their FORMER relationship
2) you should let go of that FORMER relationship
3) she should NOT spend time with him if it bothers you
4) she should let go of this emotional attachment (ie: she should let go of him)
2007-10-07 09:45:27 · answer #1 · answered by thwack 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, if they both keep their clothes on. It does sound like the guy did want something more from your wife but from all accounts she rejected him. She may see him as a mentor. Especially if this friendship began before you even met her.
You seem to have already made up your mind though. So you can either decide to go to marriage counseling and impress upon your wife how uncertain her behavior makes you, or you can leave her--keeping in mind that you may be wrong in what you've decided she's done.
2007-10-07 13:39:24 · answer #2 · answered by Saphira 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its possible, but unlikely. It sounds like it was an inappropriate relationship to say the least. Romantic cruise? Why wasn't his wife on this cruise? Because he had his mistress. She knew better that it was not "just friends" if he made a pass a her and admitted to her that he was in love. I think she is making her relationship with him smaller that it was. He was her mentor in what????
2007-10-07 13:25:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's hard to dispute the facts: love letter, and the fact that he made a pass at her (not to mention that he's married). it is possible that your 28 year old wife identifies with him as a father figure but the old guy identifies with her as someone he'd like to tag. so, your wife, in continuing to nurture the "friendship" or "companionship" is in my opinion being a little naive (to give her the benefit of the doubt, as opposed to accusing her of being a lyer and really having an affair with him) and she needs to end the relationship. the old guy's true intentions have come out twice, once in the card and once that has been verified by your wife. since that is the case, the relationship needs to be terminiated since in my opinion it has crossed the line from comfortable to now uncomfortable for you. your wife needs to understand the bad position she is putting herself in and putting her marriage in by continuing this "companionship".
2007-10-07 13:39:05 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Anyone can be friends. Why not try to get to know him and his wife? The four of you should go out to dinner. Get to know him and see what you can gain from that. It sounds like there has been a lot of drama over this in your relationship, but realize these things happened in the past. We all have history.
2007-10-07 13:35:30 · answer #5 · answered by thebooksherpa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes its possible, if you think something is going on then I would confront them both but if she has denied him in the past why would she go for him now and you say hes married is he happily married because that could make a big difference in the way he sees the 28 year old
2007-10-07 13:22:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry about it. Sounds like he probably feels good getting some attention from a younger woman, and she probably has zero interest in him. Don't waste your time fretting about it. You're just going to make yourself look like an @ss. And, jealousy is the surest way to drive two other people together; think about that.
2007-10-07 13:21:15 · answer #7 · answered by Laura 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why is she spending time with him instead of you?
Why is she spending over nights with him, instead of you?
Is there something missing from your marriage that she is "getting" from the relationship with him?
Concentrate on HER not him. Fulfill her in every way she wants and don't worry about it.
If she's happy and in love with you, she can control herself even if he makes advances.
Take a look in the mirror rather than accross the table!
2007-10-07 13:25:23 · answer #8 · answered by slv02 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jealousy is bad for everyone involved and it can even make us sick. The only way any relationship works is giving our mates the benefit of the doubt in any situation until they prove that they do not deserve that from us by not telling the Truth.
If you do not trust your mate you have nothing.
2007-10-07 13:38:49 · answer #9 · answered by mikepruitt71 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
look dude if she really liked dat guy she wud
have gone wid him lon time back there's no need for
her 2 stick around u now is there??ne ways da way
u describd her she probably loves u a lot so give her back
da same amt of love forgt dis whole thin n njoy ur life
2007-10-07 13:31:42 · answer #10 · answered by abhishek r 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋