My husband and I have been married for 10 years. I have 1 child from a previous marriage and he has 2 daughters from his previous relationship and we have 2 kids together. Here is my question. My husband insists on letting his 14 year old do and say whatever she wants. When he tells her "no" she starts yelling at him until he backs down and changes his mind. He caught her smoking with her friends in her bedroom at 3am and just went back to bed. He "talked" to her about it, and thinks she won't do things because she knows it will disappoint him. Of course she does stuff anyway because she knows she can. Why does he let her do everythng and yells at the other kids when they misbehave. He jumps them quick, but has his head up his daughters %&$. He looks as if he doesn't have the balls to stand up to her, but he says it's because she has always been second to the other grandchildren and feels sorry for her. What can I do to make things more even in this household?
2007-10-07 05:56:26 · 14 answers · asked by kiwibear0809 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He is a spineless coward who would rather please her than be a father.
This should scare you to death. You say you have 2 kids together. I would simply tell him that the rules of the home will not be broken by ANYONE! and if he can't follow through with enforcing those rules he doesn't need to be there anymore. End of story. I woudn't make it about the spoiled 14 year old. I would strictly leave it to be about the rules of the home and he is the enforcer for ALL the family members whether, his, yours or both. If he makes it about you hating her because you are the step-mother, I would turn and walk away. It isn't about that at all. It is about the rules of your home are being violated and her example to the other kids and what message he is sending to them, that rules are made to be broken. That is not the message to send kids.
Be hard nosed with him. It is the rules or the highway. 2 choices and only 2 choices.
2007-10-07 06:08:48 · answer #1 · answered by TotallylovesTodd! 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Wow...... what a tricky situation. Being a step-parent, as I'm sure you know, is hard enough as it is. Also you should remember being a teenager is no picnic. The relationship between a father and his daughter is usually a very close one. In my opinion my little sister was always spoiled by my dad. She got new cars and cell phones and college tuition, where as I paid my own way. I think it is a genetic thing between father and daughter. I don't believe you can ever even that playing field. Just love all the children unconditionally. They are all individuals and require different treatment. Your husband may just be tired of dealing with her and is really trying to get you to help. Because trust me men have no clue as to treating female teenager blues. Ask him if he would like some help with her. Let here know the facts of life and earn her respect. It may take a while but it may save your relationship with her and your mate.
Good Luck, Jason G.
2007-10-07 06:13:12 · answer #2 · answered by Jason G. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all this child lacks discipline in her life and her dad should be a parent and not be feeling guilty because he is not with her twenty four hours a day, and this is not a good example for the other kids if he lets her get away with murder and yells at the rest of the kids. i wouldnt care if she was second to the other grandchildren or not she need to treat her father home with respect.
Best of luck
2007-10-07 12:40:42 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this is the only project on your marriage you are able to artwork this out. provide him a while being instructed he's infertile would nicely be very perplexing for a guy. He knows you want a baby and he can no longer provide this to you. He has many mixed thoughts top now. He would not experience manly. tell him you are able to decide to have a dinner with him to communicate this difficulty. Ask him that might actually assist you %. an afternoon to take action. once you're making the date ask him to thrill hear to what you are able to desire to assert and then hear to why he gadgets. Ask him if there is something that he's prepared to contemplate. don't be argumentative. Be know-how. He does nevertheless care approximately you. adult males have a perplexing time with those style of subject concerns. do no longer tell him your going to bypass it on my own. tell him which you love him and you are able to decide to locate by some potential to make you the two happy. Ask him to thrill think of roughly different concepts. tell him you elect to experience the exhilaration of having a baby the comparable way he enjoys his daughter. once you married him it became into for greater perfect or worse that's a variety of circumstances. Love him no remember what the alternative the two make. I wish you the two luck
2016-10-10 11:42:11 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear,
Tell straight to your husband's face that he is cruel to his 14 years old daughter. He's not a good father. He should stand firm to his 14 years old daughter. He's not to forget that there is another child that growing up under the same roof. Your own child will follow the example of your husband's 14 years old daughter.
2007-10-07 06:11:28 · answer #5 · answered by AHMAD FUAD Harun 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is NOTHING that you can do. Until the 14 year old is disciplined the same as the rest of the crew there will be nothing you can do. Her father has given her control of it all, all you can do is hope she leaves home at 18 because once she's an adult there will be more problems to deal with.
2007-10-07 08:25:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I totally understand your situation. I am experiencing the same thing. The best thing I've tried is talking to him, without anyone around. Explain to him that you want to be a better "mother" to her and you would like his help. Make him feel like he is helping you. Ask him to allow you to work with her on certain issues and to back you up.
Maybe, if he sees how you are doing it, he will start to see that he is giving in to her too much.
Whatever the outcome, remember, it's about her being a happy healthy teenager. Of course, this usually means unhappy exhausted parents.
Good Luck. Remember, sometimes prayer is your only answer.
2007-10-07 06:10:10 · answer #7 · answered by slv02 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He and her have to get into counseling somewhere and soon or you are going to have a pregnant 14 year old on your hands, or possibly even a drug addict as well. she may well feel resentment against him for one reason or another and is rebelling as a means of expressing that. They need counseling before that gets more out of hand.
2007-10-07 06:13:35 · answer #8 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Family counseling. Because if he really loved that girl he wouldn't be setting her up to have a miserable life by enabling her to be such a self centered, disrespectful brat. How is such a person going to make her own marriage work when it comes time for that? All he's doing is allowing her to ruin her future.
2007-10-07 06:06:35 · answer #9 · answered by Saphira 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Take your kids and leave and tell him he can live the rest of his life having his daughter telling him what to do. And when she says jump, he better ask her how high as he wouldn't want to piss her off.
2007-10-07 06:18:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋