The perfect husband but......?

Question

My husband and I have been together many years and he is a caring, loving, and affectionate man. he is good to me and doesnt beat me or hurt me in any way and he does try to make me number one always. I know I can trust him and I know he will always be there for me. I love him with all my heart. BUT ever since he got out of the Army 5 yrs ago he has NOT been able to hold a job for longer than 6 months. He either quits or calls off so much he gets fired. He has gotten HURT like 9 times in 2 yrs and Im thinking not all of it is REAL hurt. Thinking its a way for him to get out of the job. What do I do? Im soooo tired of struggling all the time. For 3 months life is great and then BOOM he will quit the job and all hell breaks loose! We have a son and its just as hard on him. I do work BUT its not enough to get all the bills paid by myself and I have no damn idea what to do anymore. I look at him and want to smack the hell out of him. What do I do? Im sooo tired of struggling

Answer 1

He needs to get into counseling. Sit him down and explain to him that this is causing a serious problem in your marriage and he needs to get help if he doesn't want the marriage to end.

P.S. not beating you or hurting you does not classify him as the perfect husband.

Answer 2

I have the same problem, so what I do is try to find jobs that pay enough to keep my family stable. I don't even worry anymore about what he's doing or not doing. It's a waste of time. I also don't give him any money to play with either. He doesn't want to work then he doesn't get to play either. I have had this problem for 6 years now, and It won't change. I just have to continue to keep in mind that my children need roofs over their heads, and food in there bellies. I have also given up having any kind of life for myself, because I can't afford to do anything either. That's life sometimes. I told my husband he can leave at any time.

Answer 3

so u are carrying the whole family? hes taking advantage, no excuse for a man not to help with the up keep of his family, tell him ur feeling low and u cannot cope anymore, u need help, security, dont let him make excuses, he needs to get a job and keep it. it doesnt matter if he enjoys the work or nnot, road sweepers may not enjoy their jobs but they do it everyday, bin men, factory workers, they may not enjoy it but unless ur in a position to be picky about where u work u take any job u can to support ur family, he must see this cos it will cause resentment from u if he continues the way he is, how annoying

Answer 4

Stop ignoring the elephant inside the room! In other words, focus on the real problem... whether it is his mental condition, or drug and/or alcohol use.

If I were a betting man, I would guess he has been drinking too much as well. If that is the case you need to go to an Al-Anon meeting and listen to what you are told.

Good luck. I will pray for you.

Answer 5

did he love the work at army ?? maybe he feels sad and lost after leaving the army, why dont u talk to him and see why is he like that , tell him that he need 2 talk to u not for the work but for life and ur son, to keep this home together.
tell him apply for work in the army , any work , u dont have 2 be a soldier or something like that.
tell him he need 2 move on, maybe he find it difficult to deal in a different way with people, maybe all are bad people and he cant stand the way people r treating themselves for money.
talk to him , tell him that u r there for him , tell him that the world is cruel but u will always be there for him , to be the one who love him, keep his house warm and loving.
TALK TO HIM.
good luck ( be with him , make his problem urs and try 2 fix it ).

Answer 6

Tell him to get to the VA for a psych eval. Sudden changes of behavior like that after a stint in the military signals some kind of mental health issues. It's happened to many returning from the military.

Answer 7

Your husband should talk to counselor or someone about his failure to be able to stick with one job.....I agree with you...he is "getting hurt" as an excuse to leave a job.....does he have commitment issues? This isn't good for the family...He needs to have a stable job so he can have insurance benefits, and have something to live off of when he retires.

Answer 8

It is impossible for him to be te perfect husband, impossible for YOU to be the perfect wife. There are NO perfect people in this world the last perfect person to walk this earth was crucified over 2,000 years ago. What you do is totally up to you. Smacking him isn't going to solve your problems. YOU have to grow up and start making some decisions on your own.

Answer 9

he is lazy and you need to leave him until he gets it together. i really mean it, people like him will not change until you do something. he knows you are is bread and butter and if you were to leave (go stay w/family or friends) he would have to get it together. you already said you are struggling, so leaving him there would be no real change (you can struggle alone as you have been). unfortunately its somewhat your doing that he is the way he is (you are his enabler) and as long as you continue to take care of him and put up with this, why go get a job. he knows that you have his back, but do he have yours - good luck on your decision

Answer 10

he needs to talk to someone or reinlist if that is where he is comfortable. I found a few that get out and are this way. The real solution is to reup. It is a way of life after so many years.