I went to Family Court on Friday & got sole legal & physical custody of my children because of the sexual abuses that were happening at Dad's home by his Wife's 14 year old Foster Daughter against my 5 year old boy & in front of my 4 year old girl.
I offered their Dad supervised visitation only outside of his home and with absolutely no further contact at all with the abuser, but he said if he had to be supervised he didn't want any visitation at all. His visitation in the last 2 years has been very little anyway. He'd go for months without any contact. (Thank God!!)
I will consult with the Therapists we are seeing at Children's Hospital, but wanted to ask all of you...What do I say to them when they ask about seeing their Dad?
I appreciate your replies.
2007-10-07 03:35:41 · 7 answers · asked by Susan 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well, you can say that "at the moment, dad is not thinking straight, and needs some time to think properly again.
In the meantime, it'll be just the three of us."
I think you won't be lying since, for a man to not want what's best for his children, he must not be thinking straight, and hopefully, one day he will.
It's not your fault that your children were abused while in his care.
It may not be his either, but he was the one responsible for them at the time, and so, what is important for now, is their welfare.
So, tougth!
In other circumstances, I'd feel compassion for him, but not in this actual case.
It's about the children. They've been put through enough for their young age, and trust has to be built, and someone needs to act responsibly.
Good on you, and good luck.
I feel for your chidren. It must have been an absolute nightmare. Hopefully, in time, they might not even remember it. Good luck.
2007-10-07 03:56:23 · answer #1 · answered by Kc 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How unfortunate for the kids that their Dad is so stupid that he cannot look outside a valid reasonable workable situation for the sake of his kids.
They are still young and the therapist will probably recommend you have them call Dad first, followed by supervised visit, regardless of whether he shows up or not. The kids will eventually forget about him, hopefully or not ask about him at all. No, they are soon to be kindergartners and they will see other daddies. Geez, this is hard! The therapist gets the big bucks for a reason. My MHA has not prepared me for this.
2007-10-07 10:46:08 · answer #2 · answered by ♥♥JDub♥♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have to tell them that they have to wait for him to want to see them and if they get too impatient perhaps let them call him on the phone and just have visitation that way. If the father has a 14 year old stepdaughter who was sexually abusing your 5 year old son, she could have been just dealing with her stepfather's other children in that way or she has some real problems which have now become his problems. As they grow older they may decide that they don't want to do anything with him because of his lack of interest in them now.
2007-10-07 10:51:28 · answer #3 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Poor little children. I feel for you all in this situation. It must be so horrible for everyone. Your children are young and it will be so hard to explain this to them in a way they will understand. I believe in honesty, though, and I think you should just gently explain to your children that "bad things" were happening at daddy's house and that for right now, they need to stay with mommy where it's safe. Just love them with all your heart and let them know that they have all the love they need with you. If their dad is not going to take every chance he can to see them - supervised or not - then they are better off being with the parent who loves them unconditionally and who will do anything she can to keep them safe. You are a wonderful parent and I applaud you for all you're doing for them. Good luck to you all.
2007-10-07 10:43:41 · answer #4 · answered by Mel 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is a tough one,u r very smart to seek counceling.since he did not spend much time with them anyway maybe it will b a lil easier for them.sounds like they have been through enough already.if all of that was going on at his house they may not care about going back..getting them good counceling is the best thing u could do for them,they r going to need it
2007-10-07 12:37:12 · answer #5 · answered by fancyface4u70 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Answer their questions honestly. Keep your answers to their level. Be honest with them from the begining so that later in life they aren't thinking that you lied to gthem for years. Also, ask the therapist and see what they have to say.
2007-10-07 12:00:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do what the Therapists said to do. They know better then most of us here.
2007-10-07 10:41:23 · answer #7 · answered by Spring 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋