My husband has never hit me, but thinks its ok if a guy hits a woman back who hits him first, it bothers me!?

Question

We almost got into an argument about it today, because I think it's completely unreasonable. I can understand if they are trying to protect themselves. But in most situations...it's not like that. I just find myself very turned off by his opinion. And wonder if he has any violent tendancies I havent seen yet. We have only been married nine months. Am I being dramatic being upset over this?

Answer 1

Bottom Line..... IT IS NEVER AND I MEAN NEVER OK FOR A MAN TO HIT A WOMAN!!!!! Any man that thinks it is is not a man and has a very warped way of thinking..... the only exception to this is if she has a weapon and is trying to kill him.

Answer 2

I'm not condoning domestic violence in any way by saying this but...
the truth is, if I hit someone (which I wouldn't), I guess I would expect their reaction would be to hit me back. I think that would be my automatic response. A human being, when faced with a traumatic situation, experiences the "fight or flight" feeling. I think my mind would say fight...not flight. So, I would expect that there are many others (men and women) who feel that way too.
Really, I wouldn't worry if I were you. No one should be hitting anyone and then there won't be anything to be upset over.

Answer 3

you are being a total drama queen about it.

The fact is that if a woman hit me I would take it as it came and see how I would react.Some women are harmless when they hit because frankly they have no real power and a simle restraining grab will do but if the woman could muster up a good damaging punch then I am retaliating and knocking some teeth down her throat.
The hardest hit I ever took was from a woman years ago who sucker punched me because I was beating the hell out of her boyfriend and from that day on I told myself that if a woman was man enough to "get froggy" with me then I am going to knock her @$$ off the lillypad and back into the pond.

Answer 4

I think you are overreacting with this a little. The way your husband thinks is his opinion and wrong, but it is nothing to worry about if you think he is not a violent man. Everyone has their own opinion on things, but don't let this affect your marriage just because he has his own way of thinking. Just because his views are different doesn't mean he is going to do the same to you if it ever happens. If you didn't see any red flags before you two were married, then nothing to worry about.

I don't think you should be upset about this. He has a right to his opinion. What if it was the other way around? Plus, I don't think anyone has the right to hit another person.

Answer 5

I know how you are feeling but those times when we thought that there are different rules for women and men are over. And you are being overdramatic because you are saying that it is okay for women to hit men. No, it is not okay. And if a woman hits a man, I am pretty sure that a man can defend himself and hit back. Just because women usually are not as strong as men, it doesn't mean that they cannot be physically abusive to men. They are, and that is not okay. Then men have all rights to defend themselves.

Wow, this topic is really contraversal. No worries girls, as soon as you will get married, no husband will put up with your belief that it is okay for women to do certain things, while it is not okay for men. Once I hit my fiance and I thought it was okay for me to do so because I was a woman. Thanks God, he didn't hit me back (although I could have blamed only myself). We had a big fight and he didn't forgive me for a long time. He also told me that he wouldn't put up with me being abusive and that he would leave me for doing it again. And that's then I learned in a hard way, that it is not okay for a women to hit anyone, including a man, in a first place. It doesn't even matter what happens after.

Answer 6

Being of the old school, I don't think that a man should hit a woman ever - unless she wants him to. There should be other ways to deal with a lady who has become violent. But given your husband's opinion on this you should think twice before attacking him!

Answer 7

I trully believe in non violent solution. base on my experience. i was repeatedly hit by my ex. but i never hit back. Take it as a man, they say. Until the day she started infront ofmy 3 YO son. i walked out and she sue my bankrupt. It hurts to be treated like a piece of meat, but it feels good to be able to hold my head up and say, " i walked out for my son. I don't want my son to grow up, thinking it's ok to hit anyone, just because they don't do and give me what i want..". The bottom line is, we all have to compromise, non of us is faultless. If you hit don't expect anything less then a broken marriage.

Answer 8

So, you feel it is okay for a woman to beat the crap out of a man and he can't defend himself? When a woman hits a man she should expect the same in retaliation. Just because you're a woman doesn't give you the right to hit someone.

Answer 9

Well I feel that if a women can hit a man she deserves to be hit back. If you are so tough to raise your hands to your man then he has every right to hit you back. I remember back in elemtary school a girl kept hitting my brother and hitting my brother and he would go home and tell my mom this girl keeps hitting me and I don't want to hit her back because she is a girl. And my mom said just ignore her and stay away from her. One day I was walking home with them and the girl smacked my brother and ran. I was in the 6th grade he was in the 2nd grade. And I was mad I told him if she ever hits you again you better hit her back. Well the next time she punched him and my brother grabbed her and threw her on the floor. Little fat girl I remember she was in the 4th grade. That night her and her mother were knocking on our door. The lady told me my mom about my brother knocking her daughter to the floor and my mom told her your daugther is constantly hitting my son she is lucky he didn't hit her back. After seeing that little girl hit my brother I told him you never let no B####h touch. My brother is now 24 and has a wife and they respect each other and neither would would ever resort to violence. I feel if I raise my hand and hit a man he has every right to hit me back. Women take advantage of the saying dont hit girls. I feel some girls ask for it.

Answer 10

You are going to lose your husband if you don't realize what you are doing. You are making bridges before you find the river, and complicating your life and your husbands life.

What's the point if a man hits a woman back after the woman hits him first?. First, why a man has to be hit?, second, why a human being has to let another one hit first?. Why you aren't going to protect yourself?. what's the point of your question?.

It looks like your marriage is going too well for your standars, that it has to have some drama, and that is going to end up ruinning your marriage. Because you will drive your husband sick of having to deal with that kind of situations, a discussion with a woman, about hitting back a woman, when you haven't even hit that woman but you are having the drama at home.

I am saying that, because I'm a single guy because I had to leave someone like you, with your questions, because the situation sooner or later drives anyone insane, if you don't do something wrong, an imaginary situation is created, to just make you do something wrong, even if it is in your thoughts and not in reality.

Is there anything wrong with you?, better said: What's the part that is wrong with you?. You may want to analyze that first, find your problem, and then share it with your husband. Is something from him that is bothering you or on you? - why would you care what he would do?. Are you planning on start becomming violent?. Make up your mind, find what the problem is, and tell what is bothering you, but don't come up with imaginary situations and blaming someone for hitting a woman, in an imaginary situation. Same as that bothers you, it bothers me, because men are blamed that they don't know how to communicate, from the way I see it, if woman knows how to communicate, why they don't start by helping us.

Because if something bother us, we tell exactly what bother us, but with woman, if the problem is there, they show it somewhere else and it may or may not be yours, but they love to blame. And you can't or have the need to be figuring out where the problem is, or try to decode a person, why?, because there are people out there that doesn't have to be decoded and with who you can have a healthy relationship without having to go through such a mess.

You are on your way to destroy your marriage. You aren't the only woman in this world, you may want to reconsider working things out with your husband in the way they have to be done, or he will find someone much better and we wont have to blame the guy for anything.

Dont' take this as an offensive thing, just as a realistic answer. Again, your question is not what you asked, your real question (in my oppinion) is "something is bothering me, I don't want to blame myself, my closest person is my husband, I can't find defects on him, so I put him on imaginary situations so at least I make them do something wrong"

It's your call, your husband is yours but doesn't mean he will be yours for his entire life, treat him like that, and he will either leave you for being acting so insane, for the stress level you cause him, or just to be alone. This is the best answer I have to your question, regardeless if you like it or not.

Answer 11

Um, only thing I can tell ya hun, is that hell yess you are being unreasonable about this. I mean, in my family I was raised up to believe that no matter what age you are or the other person is or what sex they are, if they have enough strength to ball their fist up and hit me, then you hit their behind back. I'm not a guy, but a woman. And I say if I did haul off and hit a guy, I wouldn't expect anything less if he hit me back. And its not a violent tendencies sort of issue at all. Its just common sense, why are you going to take it if someone is all out attacking you? You have to be out of your mind to allow that to happen. And even you have said so yourself that not all situations are like that but even in playing around, if you like tap him he should get that lick back. Its how it goes. You don't just let someone tap, or slap or anything else to you, and take it. I mean if anyone had common sense they know not to be raising fist or hand or anything to someone and not expect to get retaliation. Its just how it is.