I found out that my husband was cheating on me over a year ago, but I still can't stop thinking about it. He had just gotten back from Iraq and then he was deployed again 6 months later to the border. That's when he met her. She was the maid in the hotel the military put him in when they first got there. He was seeing her for about 2 1/2 months before he finally told me about it, but he kept on seeing her even after he told me it was over between them. He continued to see her for a total of about 4 months before he finally ended it for real. He says he's loyal to me now, but I don't know if I can trust him again. I love him very much and I want to stay with him, but I don't know what to do to get over how much he hurt me. He just doesn't seem to understand how much he really hurt me and our 4 year old son even though I have told him several times.
Please help me!! I really need to know what to do.
2007-10-06 18:27:42 · 32 answers · asked by GuardiAngel 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Time typically heals all wounds. But infidelity is a tough one to forget! In addition, history tends to repeat itself. In other words, once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater. Others might argue there are exceptions to the rule, but I wouldn't stick around to find out. I'd file for divorce and find someone loyal. Chances are you'll get hurt again.
2007-10-06 18:36:23 · answer #1 · answered by Answer God 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
NO, hun, my husband was in Iraq for a year, he's been back for a year now and I've seen him probably a total of 6 months from all the training and crap he has to do and he will be leaving soon for just about forever, I don't give a crap what the helck is going through his mind, if he ever cheated on me, it would be over, After you waited for him for however long he was gone and he has the nerve to do that to you because he cant keep his man in his pants then good riddance, he obviously doesn't feel the same way about you as you do for him. I love my husband with all my heart and no matter what happens I always will, but if he ever did that to me I would have to love him with someone else. That is just not right at all, I would never be able to trust my husband again and would never have the same feelings for him. Love is like an egg, its fragile, easy to destroy and very hard to put back together. Good luck, I hope everything works out for the best and if you decide to stay with him I hope you can forgive and love and grow again.
2007-10-06 19:50:52 · answer #2 · answered by Neekoleye 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
it's something very hard to get over. If you really want to continue with your realationship you should look into marriage counseling and if he agrees it should be a sign he is also serious about being faithful to you. Im sure there is also counseling for husbands who have been unfaithful. I really belive this is your first step and i trully belive if he agrees it is a sure sign of healing the marriage. If this is not an option for what ever reason and this is causing problems in your marriage..arguments/fights. you must think about your child. Do you really want him to grow up an enviroment like that? Even though you may think staying together for the child is best, it never is. Sorry but i always belive mothers who say this are really only excusing not wanting to leave there husbands. It is best for the child to live in to seperate homes in harmony rather than in one home where they feel there is no escape. Im not saying there is now way to remedy this, but he really has to be serious about trying to make it work and has to realize you both need professional help. Finding out the person you love has been unfaithful can be very traumatic some more than others not only to the person but to other loved ones around you. Best of luck
2007-10-06 21:33:26 · answer #3 · answered by x_masangel69 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you waited for him he could have just as well waited for you! There is no excuse to cheat no matter what situation a person is in. Its one thing if it was a one time thing ....but it went on for 4 months and that would be very hard for me to stomach. It was good that he was honest about his infidelity to you but if it were me I would think he could have spared me the length of time he was being intimate with her. Knowing it was 4 months long I would wonder that it became emotionally attached? I would get some marriage counseling if you decide to live with this and why he continued for 4 months in doing it and keeping it going. I would watch that this woman does not try to contact him and you can only hope that in the future a strange child does not knock on your door.
2007-10-06 20:04:15 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Im in that same situation my husband had just came back from Iraq too and I found out last jan but they didnt sleep together but he could have slept with someone else since he was cheating all along Im trying my hardest to forgive him but I just cant he knows he hurt me really bad I cried for days and we also have children small ones and worst he is deployed again how can we make this work and he's gone but he said he would never do that stupid **** again cause he knows I was so hurt but should I believe him only time willl tell if I keep thinking about it by next yr than we are gonna go to counseling and if that doesnt work Im gonna have to get peace of mind and that means Im gonna leave him
2007-10-06 19:13:11 · answer #5 · answered by SlantedEyedChick♥ 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Only you can decide whether cheating is something you can forgive and move on or if infidelity is a deal breaker in your marriage.
Some marriages work and others don't. I think it depends on the individuals and how hard they fight to keep things together. Maybe you should go see a counselor to put things in perspective.
But let this be a red flag to ensure that your life does not revolve around your husband. If not already set in a career, maybe you should go to school and make sure you can provide for yourself and your son in case you divorce.
Cheating is very prevalent in the military (soldiers and wives) -- not right -- it just is. Not everyone can deal with the long periods of separation.
2007-10-06 18:34:47 · answer #6 · answered by JusMe 5 · 5⤊ 0⤋
That is a very hard choice that only yocan make. I have a aunt that forgave her husband him cheating on her for almost a year. He had even moved out and moved in ith this woman. How she could I don't know, my husband when he was in the Navy the situation was reversed with his first wife. She cheated on him with his best friend and even got pregnant by another man while he was over seas. It took him over 11 years for him to get over her betrayal and we met and later got married. But in that time from all his hurt and pain he would not even date, he kept to himself and kept his self busy working all the time. As my first husband cheated on me as well, and we both were each others first date when we did finally date. My huband has worked out of town for many years of our marriage and I have never had to worry about him cheating on me because he loves me and he knows the pain first hand of what it feels like to be cheated on, as do I. I do not believe that 2 wrongs make a right. I have many times thought of what I would do if my husband were to cheat on me, because of him having to work away so much and guys being around other guys put alot of pressure on each other concerning such things and with the added stress of having to be away so far from the one who youlove and who loves you so unconditionally. We are only human and we all do make mistakes. It's what we do about the mistakes we make if we decide we have learned our lesson and change or still continue doing the mistakes is what we have to look at. It really makes it a hard situation because your husband has to be gone so much and at such great distances away from home. I do think that one of the hardest marriages would be being married to someone in the military because of this. I hope you all the best in this, and hope that you can once again feel the peace and love that you first had early on in your marriage. Best wishes and good luck.
2007-10-09 01:10:10 · answer #7 · answered by Gladys C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My first reaction would be "divorce!", but at the same time he was in some very stressful circumstances. We would all like to say, "I would NEVER do that, no matter what!", but how many of us have actually been tested? Have you ever really talked to him about why? I think you should at least give him a fair chance to really explain EVERYTHING about that episode in his life to you. She probably gave him a sense of comfort that you couldn't from so far away. There was a temptation and he gave in. It's sad, but it happened and now it's over. He hasn't been with anyone for a year, right? Then if you still can't forgive him, best to go your separate ways.
2007-10-06 18:37:58 · answer #8 · answered by Linni 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know you are emotionally attached to this jerk. You deserve someone who will love you and only you. Are you not mad? I have been in a similar situation. My ex went and spent the weekend with his ex. It could not ever get better after that. Once the trust is broken and someone you counted on betrayed you it is just there in the back of your mind all the time. I will give you my honest opinon, I know this is not what you want to hear but honestly can you ever really honestly trust him if you could I do not think you would be posting this question here. I think you deserve to go out and find someone who will love you and only you. Life is very short, I hope you find someone that really can devote themselves to you and only you. Good luck and God Bless.
2007-10-06 18:34:55 · answer #9 · answered by Marie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
that may be something that you just have to put behind you. remember that he was in a war situation and that caused many a mental problem for many of those those serving under those conditions. To come back from Iraq and be deployed again 6 months later, knowing that he could be killed at any time or mutilated as so many others were over there would raise havoc with a person's mind and lead them to do things they wouldn't do under any other condition. perhaps you can consider your husband, the soldier who may be killed there and who sought that companionship as a way of dealing with the stress he felt there under those conditions one person, and then the man who comes back to you as a soldier and loves you as another, different person who was lucky enough to have survived and returned. I hope that you can put that behind you and forget about what happened when he was there in the stress of seeing so many dead and dying fellow soldiers.because the person who returned to you is not the person who had the affair. Good luck to you and I hope this all works out.
2007-10-06 18:53:17 · answer #10 · answered by Al B 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋