England class hep?

Question

is this a good start for a essay
There are many things you may not know about me. One of the things that you may not know about me is that am Spanish. I was born in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. I graduated from Fairfax High School. One of my hobbies is skating and I am a very good skater. My favorite kind music is rock My favorite singer is Avril Lavigne I love her so very much. I wish she would merry me. My favorite tv show is weeds. I like that tv show because is pettery funny. My favorite sport is football and my favorite teams are the Philadelphia Eagles. My favorite place to shop is called pac sun. I also like to be online and use facebook and My Space. Most of the time when I am online I go to Myspace or Facebook. When I go out with my friends I like doing crazy staff some of them might not be legal. I like going to the clubs some weekends so I can get a girl friend because am single right now. When I got to a club I cant do much because I cant rink legally yet.

Answer 1

"IS this a good start for AN essay?" No, it is not.

1. "One of the things you may not know about me is that I am Spanish."

2. If you were born in Bethlehem, PA - does that not make you an American? Explain how you are Spanish, if you were born and raised in the United States.

3. Marry, not "merry." 4. 'Weeds' - not "weeds."
5. "I like that TV show because IT is pretty funny."
6. "My favorite sport is football, and my favorite TEAM is the Philadelphia Eagles." 7. 'Pac Sun' - not 'pac sun."
"I like to do crazy THINGS, some of WHICH MAY not be legal." 8. "I like going to the clubs ON weekends,so I can find a girlfriend, because I am still single." 9. "When I go to a club, I cannot drink, because I am NOT of legal age yet."

Answer 2

Well, depending on what grade you're in, it changes. One thing I notice is that you just keep on writing sentence after sentece and never describe them. If that is one paragraph, that is way too much sentences. If that is the introduction, the topic sentence cant start like that. maybe you'll say, there are many components that make me, _________ very unique. Not just blabbing out tons of information, just pick the most important ones and then, make it an 5 sentence paragraph.