I left my husband because we were having problems we got in a fight because I wouldnt sleep with him because I was, well raped and im too i dont know i feel gross and he was helping me get rhough it and being very helpful taking me to counseling and all those good things to help me but i wasnt ready to get to having intercourse and well we got in a fight and the fight got physical and well the cops came and took him and sent me back to c, he's in the military, but i kn he's doing good our couosleor tells me so, and he's going to classes and all the classes for anger management and i miss him alot i been through alot and he's the only one that kns about my accident and my cousin and well my parents and everyone is acting like im no even married still like i need to fond some one else, i dont kn they kn the fight got physical but i want to back to him I need him bt i also feel like my family needs a proof that im goignt o be safe. i dont know what do you think... And PLS dont be rude....
2007-10-06 17:59:28 · 16 answers · asked by ARCE 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Ain't you a big girl can't you make your own decision? I understand your parents being concerned but he is YOUR HUSBAND after all. You love him and he loves you then go back to him and work through all the issues you two have with each other. About the sex with your husband he feels he has been helping you get through the rape so now it's time to get over it and take care of your husband. I have been raped twice so i know it can be hard but as time past you have to get over it and take care of your husband. A strong person could do just that you have to put it behind you and move on.
2007-10-06 18:14:40 · answer #1 · answered by Teenie 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your family needs to know that the counseling is going well, that the classes have been successful, and that's all they need to know about it. It's your life, it's your choice. I always hesitate to encourage someone to return to a person who's been physically abusive in the past, but I know that counseling and anger management can be enormous helps. He's obviously taken the right steps, so now it's up to you to trust your instincts. If you think that this is in your best interest, please don't worry about what the rest of your family says and go do what makes you happy. But if you have ANY hesitations about it aside from being worried about your family's opinions, maybe you should take a little more time apart. I hope this can work well for you!
2007-10-07 01:05:59 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
First of all, I am very sorry that you had to go through what you went through. I experienced sexual abuse as a child and it caused me to grow up and become very wild and free with a few guys that I shouldn't have. For a while, I didn't love myself very much and I let a few guys mistreat me because of it. I have learned to love myself better, but it was a process and still is, every single day.
It is understandable that you would feel a little uncomfortable with intercourse after such a traumatic experience and quite frankly, your husband sounds like he has serious issues, considering that he would abuse you, after you've already been through what you've been through. If I were your family, I would want some kind of confirmation, that you're going to be o.k when and if he returns. Put yourself in their shoes, they don't want to see you hurt. I would move on. I know that's you're husband, and it's different than a regular old b/f g/f relationship, but he sounds like he needs to do some serious self evaluation, before returning home. Be careful, and make sure you know what you're doing. Good luck to you.
2007-10-07 01:11:35 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
I agree with dragonfire. Why did you enter into a marraige that you were not willing to fulfill. There's no excuse for either of your abuse (yes it sounds liek both of you got into it), but seriously he was right to react emotionally when you basically get the rug pulled out from under you. Your parents are probably hopeless Victorians, and won't get this, so leave them out of it. If you're ready to be in a marraige that is physically, emotionally and mentally balanced, go back. If not, let him go because it looks like you're blaming him for the rape otherwise.
2007-10-07 02:55:53 · answer #4 · answered by kttphoenix 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you know what's good for you, you won't go back to this man. He obviously has no respect for you, fighting because you didn't want to have sex after being raped?? Physically fighting? AND he's in the military, which says enough bad things on it's own, but the fact that he's in the military and physically abusive to you is enough to say no. He's not going to change his violent behavior. His job is violent behavior! Divorce him.
2007-10-07 01:09:16 · answer #5 · answered by some female 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Baby girl, you need to get your head together BEFORE you can get back together with your husband. Share the fact that you want to go home with your counselor and do what the counselor suggests. It's going to take time to correct this situation, but it will happen eventually. So be patient and keep getting the counseling you need. Baby girl, you are a survivor and you will survive this situation too! Remember, "What doesn't kill you, can only make you stronger!" My thoughts and prayers are with you!
2007-10-07 01:15:02 · answer #6 · answered by MBA-MsBadAss 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
not only does your husband need counsling , so do you . ive been in your shoes and went to counlsling and group counsling. you need to do something cuz if you get back together you should fullfill his needs as well as your as husband and wife. i know its hard but your husband shouldnt have to pay for somone elses crime.in the same breath your husband should not get abusive either. there is no excuse for that. do single counlsling ,couple counsling and you should go to group counsling. i got over mine for the most part. i dont think you ever get over it totally. i wish you the best of luck and god bless you and your husband.
2007-10-07 01:08:23 · answer #7 · answered by Fran J 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Live for ur self .. not him or ur family..
go to counseling.. as long as u can.. u will get tired of it.. but keep going... u need tooo....
If he ever comes for u... and u want too.. go...
but if he doesn't ,,,,,,then leave things alone...
u are better off....
put it into Gods hands and pray...
2007-10-07 03:47:47 · answer #8 · answered by ♥ Blondie ♥ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DURING A MARIAGE MANY OWS ARE MADE WITHOUT RENEMBERING OR KEEP THE KEY POINTS WITHIN. EVERY PERSON HAS DIFFERENT TASTES. YOU OR HE.ONE SHOULD COOPERATE WITH EACH OTHER ,NOW A DAYS MANY CASES TAKING PLACE .ONE CONCLUDES GOING TO A DIVORCE.IT CAN BE CONSIDERED IN CASE OF CERTAIN PROBLEMS WITH YOU OR HIM.IF NOT BOTH SHOULD CONSIDERED EACH OTHER AND SETLE.YOU SEE LATER YOU WILL FEEL U ARE MISSING HIM.DIVORCE IS CONSIDERED IN A WORRIED (TENSE)CONDITION.ONE CAN GO TO COUNSELING TO PATCH UP AND BE HAPPY,WELL IF IT FAILS MISERABLE STATE ONE CAN GO , BUT THE COURTS GIVELOT OF CHANCES,ONE HAS TO SPEND LOT OF MONEY.SUCH GIRLS ARENOT SURE WHETHER HE WILL BE OK OR AGAIN GO DOWN WITH HIM.CONSIDER ALL POINTS IN THE COURT AND DECIDE BOTH.
2007-10-07 01:21:59 · answer #9 · answered by Bhahagyam 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
if you got raped i feel bad for you and im sorry something simular happened to me a while ago at a church festival. i told my man and yea he wanted me to sleep with him also but i didnt want to and he would get me mad couse sertain smells smell like the guy who ALMOST raped and i would get nauses and yes hes got shysicall but we both have but you cant help who you love just tell your family that hes been there for you also.
im sooo sooo sorry about what happend i hope you feel better soon
xoxxo
2007-10-07 01:07:29 · answer #10 · answered by **prIncEsS gIrL*** 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋