Is sexual role playing mentally healthy?

Question

I would like to live out a rape fantasy. I don't know why I have this need to be dominated and hurt. I wonder is this a healthy thing to do. I have found a partner willing to do it but I wonder if I will be traumatized by the experience. It makes me wonder if porn actresses are traumatized when they are gang raped or choked. I don't know why I want this. I would appreciate it if I could get some honest and educated answers please.

Answer 1

I wouldn’t advise it.

There are fantasies and deviations, the difference is the harm done. For example bondage with handcuffs is a Bondage and Domination Fantasy, whipping the person with a mild weather whip is a little stronger, but stringing them up and drawing blood is going too far. Some people are willing to do it, actually pay to have it done to them. This is the point when a fantasy turns into a deviation, not when you pay for it, but when you feel that you need it enough to do that and when it causes injury.

A domination fantasy with you as the ‘victim’ can be harmless fun, provided you have a safety word, something that is NOT usually or what you would encounter in sex and is not a negation. For example ‘child.’ You can scream no, no, no, don’t do it, don’t do it, and play part of the fantasy, but the moment you say ‘child.’ The fantasy ends, this is how professional and practiced B&D players operate. They use a safe word. The problem is that in a pay for pain situation the safe word means the fantasy and the experience ends. The person is motivated to NOT use the safe word until it is almost too late. That is not what you want.

You need a very understanding partner here and you have to put a lot of trust in him. Trust that he won’t hurt you, that he will know when to quit and that he will listen to your safety word. Do you trust this guy THAT MUCH? Can you trust anyone that much? When he gets to the point where he starts choking you then you can’t use your safety word and tapping out may not be enough.

There is a theory that asphyxiation can heighten sexual experience, but some experiences are not worth the risk. Done proper sex should be enough, done with some role playing it can be more exciting. Done with a real risk to life or sanity is going too far. This is when it has gone beyond a simple fantasy and become an obsession and deviate behavior.

Rape fantasies are common, but should almost NEVER be acted on. Rape is not a sexual activity; it is a crime of domination and a method to remove control and violate the person. Your instincts are warning you and you need to listen to them. If you have a shadow of a doubt then don’t do it. If you are going to chocked don’t do it, and if it is an actual rape then don’t do it. You have all three warning signs.

I am a layman here, but I have studied it. I have a mildly submissive personality and when I pleasure myself my fantasies can get to be violent and go beyond any area that I am willing to physically go. I have not told my current sex partner that I am into B&D, the relation ship is too young for that, only a year and we haven’t built up enough trust in each other for me to explore that fantasy. There may not be a good point to do so. Like many people in dominate and controlling roles she has a desire to be taken care of for once. She is a manager and has to care for others all day and handle her crew, when she gets home she wants to be cared for and treated well. She doesn’t want to come home to a man who she will dominate and try to control; even if it is only a game.

At some point it will be safe to discuss this with her and I will probably start with her using a scarf to tie my hands and I may even go as far as the use of handcuffs, but I will go no further than that. Because even in my deepest sexual fantasy I know that is too far.

The first thing you need to do is to tell your boyfriend that the rape is OFF. This is too dangerous and as you consider it rape isn’t a sexual activity it is a criminal act, of the ultimate humiliation. You can’t tell me a 20 something man will rape and 80 year old woman because he is attracted to her. He chooses that victim because she is helpless and impotent enough that he feels he can control her. He is not planning on a sex act; he is planning on the ultimate bullying, the ultimate derogation, the ultimate humiliation. Like all bullies he is doing this to make himself feel better and to feel like he has power and is in control. It is a sure sign of his weakness and his own impotetence. Do you want to put your lover in this situation? Do you want to transform him from a caring partner to a raving maniac, a criminal, a bully? This is too far, stick with a mild bondage fantasy of forced sex, not a rape and not ANY CHOKING. That is not safe, people have died that way, and this is no story to try and scare you; this is the cold hard truth.

Just last week a child predator committed sexual suicide in school, with a bag over his face. He was in the ceiling peeping at children and masturbating. He had been convicted of a sexual crime against children before, but was in the school, as a janitor, under a false identity. He went too far in trying to sexually stimulate himself and he choked himself too much and died from it. This is no story I made up to scare you it is something right from the nightly news in my area.

Your plan is approaching his, only not against children. You are forcing your partner to engage in a de-humanizing activity that can emotionally scar him as well as you. Even if he is not this kind of person you are forcing him into the template of one and if he is like this kind of person then that is a demon you don’t want released.

The threat to you, to your partner, to your life and your sanity as well as the criminal and bullying nature of the act is just too far to be anything more than a dream. You ask if Porn stars are traumatized by this kind of activity and I say, “how can they not be so traumatized?” Do you think a prostitute wants to have sex with a man; they look at it as a business a transaction and not the ultimate expression of love between two people. They can never have a normal relationship and they ALL think of their clients as marks, fools that they are tricking to get paid; why do you think they call their clients ‘tricks.’

A porn star could divorce herself from the sexual act, it is only acting and with the crew around she is safe and it is pretend, but it is still damaging to her. Few porn stars can have normal relationships, and if their man finds out they were or are a porn star then it usually destroys the relationship.

When you mention the two words “gang rape’ I shudder. In Darfur the Moslems are using gang rape as a method of genocide. When they find a black woman alone they gang rape her at least a dozen times so that the next baby she will have will not an African. Then to make sure she can’t hide her shame they cut her on the arm, they cut her the same way so that all women will know she had been gang raped. They do this to destroy her life, her family’s life, and the life of her village. This is the most brutal crime a person can commit against anyone else. Torture can be done from “pure” motives as with the US vs. Al-Quadia, and it was the justification used to sponsor the horror called the Spanish Inquisition. This is the kind of world you are entering, this is the kind of crime you are contemplating. This goes beyond the pale, beyond reason, and beyond sanity. Please, Please forget this fantasy, leave it locked in your subconsciousness, and don’t act upon it. The damage done to both of you will be unforgivable.

Domination is a fantasy, and forced sex is an intense one. People who say that this is normal and common are correct (as per the book “Everything you wanted to know about Sex but were Afraid to Ask”). But, rape and choking are going too far. The first is crime and the second is a dangerous loss of control for a cheap thrill that should be categorized with heron usage. You can’t criminalize someone for their thoughts and as long as they remain just thoughts they are okay, even if a little twisted. Rape is too twisted, too horrible and too much.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

thats bullsh*t dont listen to the 1st answerer. U r really bold to come on YA an tell something like that, lol, but dont think that u r unusual cuz ur not. Rape is a common fantasy for alot of women but alot will not admit it cuz the real thing is so serious, they feel guilty & think that its the same thing as saying i want to be raped which ITS NOT. Im not educated on sexual anything really, lol, but from my own personal experience role playing doesnt hurt anybody in any way. If thats wut u & ur man want to do then who is hurt by that?
i once read somewhere that the rape fantasy is pretty common for women and that the difference between a fantasy setting and a real setting is that the fantasy is ultimately a controlled environment so it is enjoyable, not harmful or traumatizing. Dont worry girl, ur not a freak... at least not cuz of that :p

Answer 4

Anyone that responds to this by telling you seek help or telling you that you're weird is NOT someone worth listening to. The fact is, many many many adult couples do all sorts of "weird" sexual fantasy stuff. Many women especially get turned on by the idea of be raped. The main thing being the IDEA of it, not actually being seriously raped. Really being raped would be a very bad thing. But if it's you're partner that's doing it to you and he's not really hurting you and you're totally willing and you like it... then it's not rape. it's make-believe role playing. And what could possibly be wrong with that? It's normal.

Answer 5

Most of the time when people get into this sort of extreme role playing they have a safety word that is agreed upon before the act occurs... and it generally has nothing to do with the word "no" and is completely random, so if things get out of hand or you feel you aren't ready you just say the safety word and your partner will stop. If it's something you want and your partner is consenting then go for it! Some might consider it unhealthy but many, many women have the same fantasy and are fine and healthy people!

Answer 6

You mistaken rape for dominance. They are far different. There's nothing wrong with being dominated, there is something wrong with wanting rape. But what you do with your sex life is your business, to each his own. If your worried about the after effects it may have emotionally, why don't you just tell him to stop if it isn't going well?

Answer 7

Many women like to be dominated but none that I know would like to be raped. It sounds like u might have something built up that u shoudl talk to a doctor about

Answer 8

Hahahaha i kinda understand what you mean.
i know sometimes i think that' s hot..
but don't feel weird or unhealthy ..
that's completely normal. ...anything that makes sex even more interesting is healthy .. if that is going to help you have an orgasm ..that is healthy ..everything that completes sex .. is healthy and normal .. i think everything is ok as long both are ok with that ... sometimes couples have different thoughts but if you love your partner you will do what he wants ..so he will do what you want .. so is ok ..and it is completely healthy .. i don't think is going to affect you mentally .. !
but yeah that's just my opinion. .. but think about you're not doing anything ..wrong .. you're just trying ot make things interesting .. in your point of view .. hope you know what i'm trying to say.

Answer 9

This is an age specific question. Contact me via IM for an honest answer. Adults Only.

Answer 10

Frued said that sexual fantasys are outlets to sexual frusteration, but I think he may have been wrong on that one.

In any case - FANTASY and REALITY are different, and it doesn't make you a sick individual because that would turn you on. It just means that's what turns you on.

I don't think you will be traumatized, just make sure you have a "safe" word.