Husbands morals low, should I leave???

Question

Me & my husband have been together since we were young and had children at a young age. When I met my husband qualities like humorous, caring, loving, giving, friendly, outgoing, and likeable. What I didn't look into was his family. On some issues, they have low morals and don't live what you would call righteous lives. This is something that is important to me. I'm not a "bible beater", but I am a God fearing individual. Our children are getting older and it fears me more and more that they will inherit my inlaws' ways. My husband is a loving husband and father. He has excuses for his actions, but they are not righteous ones. I don't want certain actions, behaviors, or activities in my household for my childrens sake. This is something that we have argued for over a decade. It seems to be imbeded and I don't want it to be imbeded in my children. So why not just up and leave? Easier said than done. I've left before. Being a single parent was the hardest thing I've experience

I thank you for all your input. I added details to give you a bigger picture. I was reluctant to share the whole picture. My husband has been brought up in a family where wrong doing in order to provide for the family was alright, even it meant breaking the law. This has carried through with him to adulthood, and he feels that there is no wrong in breaking the law to provide for his household. He even seems to be proud of it. I cherish everyday of my freedom and would like to continue to for myself and all my loveones. I fear that my children will see, learn, and follow these ways. Myself and my husband see eye to eye on a lot of things, this is a BIG one that we differ. I let him know that I would rather see him working at a hamburger stand rather to see him or my children loose their parents or freedom. I stay because I love him and see good in him. I fear that my children will be affected.

Answer 1

You need to stop arguing with him. You need to respect, honor and serve your husband regardless if he deserves it or not cause it's not about him. it's about God. He belongs to God and God has commandments for us as wives that will bring about change in our husbands heart. To "win without a word" and "obey masters that are harsh". As wives, we tend to nag, fight, scrape, beg, preach and try to control our rebellious husbands. It never works! We have power in our hands to make or break our husbands. God hates divorce. There is NO out for our marriages when we take vows. Scripture tells us that anyone marrying a divorced person and remarrying becomes an adulterer. God does NOT want divorce. HE HATES IT. Marriage is partner with the blood covenant of Christ and Christ's shed blood on the cross. This is the mystery of marriage and why Satan tries so hard to split it up by having us nag our husbands or having them rebel or by even the church allowing divorce and remarriage. God would not want it this way. His word says so. He wants us to forgive, love, respect, honor, hope all things, believe all things, ENDURE all things for HIS Sake as HE did this for us.. Many times our spouses are used to test our faith. God is his only authority and your husband is yours as Christ is the head of EVERY man and a man is the head of a woman (husband/head of wife) and God is the head of Christ. God did this to give us "emotional women" covering and when we respect, honor, love, forgive and obey even our errant husbands and "win without a word" God will turn their hearts to Him. What do we do instead??? We tell THEM what to do, we draw lines, we tell them what their behavior should be or we won't put up with it. This is not Christ's way. For every messed up, errant husband many of us wives can look at our own "behaviors". If your husband is disobedient to the Word let him be won without a word by your chaste behavior. Your husband's soul is at risk (this is not flesh and blood but a fight for his soul!..we are at WAR!!!!!) WHEN HIS EYES ARE OPENED TO HIS SIN he will know that he was loved by his wife.. and he will know that you loved him enough to sacrifice your own self and die to flesh to help save his soul. You can do it because WE can do ALL Things through Christ who strengthens US.. if we are WILLING! God Bless! P.S. Buy the book Power of a Praying Wife

Answer 2

Righteous is such a strong word. You haven't exactly stated what he is doing that is morally wrong. Also, it might seem wrong to you and be perfectly fine with most of the world. I think you both should consider counseling and really get to the root of the problem. Are you sure that your requests are reasonable? More information would be helpful.

This sounds like it might be a matter of negotiations. If your husband has different beliefs from you, you need to work together to find a happy medium. Throwing a relationship away because you want things "your way or the highway" is not necessarily the way to go about things. It's all about compromise. If you are really concerned about the welfare of your children...than maybe family counseling is in order. You are both obviously going in different directions as to how you want your children raised, so you need to look into ways that work for both of you.

Are you being judgemental about him and his family? Or are your concerns serious? Yes, you are God fearing...but is your husband and his family that way as well? Just because they aren't doesn't make them people of low morals. I've met many extremely devout people that have extremely low morals.

Answer 3

Husbands morals low

Answer 4

u say your not a bible beater but it sure sounds like it. it's like this lady. if your husband is a good caring father and treats u all right u have no right to leave according to the bible. it doesnt matter what his family does u dont live with his family. u live with him. as far as the children goes u can raise 15 kids an the same house hold by the exact same parents.each one will turn out different. when their of age they make their own minds up regardless what u or anyone else has done.u cant protect your children from ever hearing cuss words or other things they see it at school or on tv. and so what if they do.they need to see both sides that way they know theirs another way of life besides yours.it sounds like your an holier than thou attitude. but everytime u judge your neighbor or friend u have sinned and dont say u dont u know u do.or u wouldnt be harping on your husbands family. dont u think the best way to win that family is by love not judging.which u have done. GOD IS THE ONLY JUDGE OF PEOPLE. u dont know what that family might have been thru.just because they dont live by your standards dont mean that GOD dont love them. u need to check yourself out not his family.

Answer 5

When you stand before the Lord you are responsible on a daily basis for your children. And what they learn is hard to reverse. But you are also responsible before God for your marriage. So if you smack that bible hon on the kids issue, you need to be ready to smack it on the marriage issue. YOU MUST live your faith authentically and openly before your children and his family, because what you say and do are extremely important. But just saying is not enough. They will not follow your example if your fear becomes bitterness. At this point no one sees what's wrong with the current picture. You have to love them, but you do not have to trust them. So do not leave your children alone in his family's care. Do not berate your husband if someone slips up. Explain to your children your expectations of their behavior and why another's behavior is not appropriate. Ask, honestly, those around you to respect your children's tender ears. Divorcing your husband does mean divorcing his family, but I have to say that your children will make their own decision to accept salvation or not. Sticking it out through this storm in your marriage will be another example of your faith. Remember that if the Lord has called you to Him, so can He call your extended family. Be a light. HUGS

Answer 6

well if you believe in the bible then you should know that it is a sin to divorce. Not only that you should think about the kids and how a divorce will effect their lives. I think you should pray about the situation. Even thought the circumstances are difficult and you want your kids to grow up and be the best, I feel as if you should keep your faith, have strength through God and don't deny who you are. If you just study and read and do what you feel is right as a woman, wife and especiallya mother then all the rest will come. You won't need to worry about how your kids will turn out. Trust God.. He is in control.

Answer 7

Boy, I sure hope a lot of unmarried women read this! Thanks for making a case for being very careful who you marry. As for your situation, you haven't been clear exactly what behaviors you are talking about. You say he is a loving husband and father; so I would say that, if you can mitigate the damage to your children by simply explaining to them that it is a problem (and chances are there have been consquences to his behavior that you can point out); and if we're not talking about abuse, you should stay at least until the kids are gone.

Answer 8

So its better to expose your children to low morals than to be a single parent because it's easier to do so? Wow. Great parenting. That's just teaching your kids to take the easy way out. Way to go.

Answer 9

Take a deep breath. You fell in love with him, sit down and write all the things that attracted you to him down.

Now, it sounds like he loves you but just doesn't see things the way you do. He may not even believe the same way you do. Continue to do what you know is right. If you go to church, keep going, if not find one. Take the kids if they're young enough not to say no. If there are good activities and a youth group, they'll get involved.

Don't speak ill of your husband or his family in front of the kids. Do pray for them and love them regardless of the things they do. Jesus was always with the sinners...that's how He changed lives.

Answer 10

Sure, and you're children are so numb to the world that you leaving over religion isn't going to make them question religious morals at all!! Please, break up the family for God and you're children will grow to resent you and your religion. You want to talk about morals? Think about what your unhappy marriage and lack of stability is doing to your children. Get off your high horse. You're not the queen of morality yourself.

Answer 11

You're not who your parents are.....we grow up and become the people we're supposed to be.

Your husband is the father of your children.....he gets to have 50% of the child-rearing as you do. You're doing them a grave injustice by taking them from their father because he's not up to your standards.....you should have thought of that before you had them.

I suggest you get some counseling because unless your husband is putting the children in danger you're the one with the problem