I got preg under bad term when me&my hubby was apart. when I was preg me and my hubby got back together.He was there the whole time.When I was preg the other guy put me thru hell I almost lost my son over it _ my hubby was trying to be a stand up guy and call him when I went into labor he said he was to bussy. Me and my hubby decided we did not want him in my son's life after we tried 4 a little while the stress was getting 2 me so we decided it was to much to handel ( with the calling him to see my son - calling 2 get help-thing -money everything and always get a excuse) We give up! Now I changed my number moved everything a few days ago he called my mom talking about he want to see my son. I dont want to deal with this again. My family is down our throat talking about it's not about us it's about what's best for my son. We feel we r whats best! what do we do?It's not far to my hubby,but should I let the other one back in,will it really hurt my son.am lost in this help! whats best
2007-10-06 16:36:29 · 22 answers · asked by sparkelita 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He has not right when I was preg he decided he id not want any now he want to fight it. He has called the cops they said he can't do anything so he has to go thru me so they said (the only way he can see his or have anyhting to do with him is if I let him). I have tired to let him see his son but he did not show-his friend come frist. He acts like he is s doll he can play with when he wants. I dont care about him I just wanted to know what is best for my lil man_my hubby wants what best for the baby to even if he is legally his dad. I don't want that my feelings are i the middle i want whats best for my baby i love him he is my life.
2007-10-06 16:44:28 · update #1
This is why the uneducated shouldn't procreate. God help this child.
2007-10-06 16:39:50 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 4⤋
So, if I've got the story straight, the baby's birth father is not willing to visit, help out or pay money towards the upkeep and care of his child. But he wants YOU to help him out. Is the birth father after contact with the child, or a line of finance? But you did try to keep him involved in his son's life. Hubby, on the other hand is there, and willing to take responsibility for the baby.
So what's the question? It IS in the baby's best interest that the male figure in his life - your husband - is a loving and caring parent. If the birth father is unwilling to contribute - financially, emotionally, socially - then there is no question that he does not have to be involved. But he should be required to support his child.
Your infant son needs only one father figure at this time. Let him know later that there are two dads - the one that helped mummy make him, and the dad who lives with him and loves him, so there isn't a deep dark family secret to uncover.
2007-10-06 23:53:00 · answer #2 · answered by Barb Outhere 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It isn't wrong to keep the biological father of your son from seeing him if you feel that he is a threat to your child (it may be illegal though). You should do what it right for everyone involved. Do you think that this man will build up a relationship with your son just to crush him by not wanting to see him anymore later on in his life? Do you think that your son's father is making a legitimate effort to see your son because he wants to be a part of his life for good? Do you and your husband feel that you will do a better job of raising your child together without interference from his biological father? I think that you should talk to your sons biological father despite the fact that you feel that it is opening a can of worms again, ask him what his intentions are, tell him that this is your child, and you will not let him see your son if he is not going to be a part of his life forever, tell him that you won't do that to your child. Tell him that it is an all or nothing situation, and he can't pick and choose the years/days that he wants to be a father, and the years/days that he doesn't feel like it. I know that a similar situation happened to me where my mother let my father and I have a relationship when they weren't together, and then a few years ago he decided that he didn't want to be a part of my life anymore, I would be lying if I said that it didn't devestated me. I wouldn't want that to happen to any other child. Do what you think is right.
2007-10-06 23:48:35 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
What is the best thing for your baby?..That´s the question that you have to answer knowing what kind of guy is his father.
Is he making any commitments?, Is he giving any support?, Did he change his attitud?
Because if he is acting the same way as always, putting you under stress, not being there, etc..in others words if he still is the same, then same things are going to happen, you´re going to be in the same situation but a little worse because your baby is an added element to the story. So be carfeul in making your choices, this time it´s not only you. If he wants to be a part of all this, he has to change...Otherwise better alone!,,
I wish you the best!...
2007-10-06 23:52:31 · answer #4 · answered by jackielafemme 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No matter what you might be personally feeling inside, don't be the reason why your son didn't get the opportunity to get to know his real father. If this guy is truely a dead beat, it will come full circle and once again he will be out of your son's life. But by you not allowing it to take place at all will only fuel the fire, if the father is to seek visitation. If you truely feel he could possibly cause harm to your child, you can approach the county you live in and ask for your child to have monitored visitation, which basically means he's able to see his child in the presence of a county representative only. You will have no personal contact with the other parent, you simply drop your child off with the mediary and they drive to the designated meeting place where he will spend time with the child, once the visitation time has ended the child goes back with the mediary and is returned back to you.
By not allowing your son the opportunity to make up his own assumptions about how his biological father really is, later on when your son is older he might grow up to resent you for prohibiting him the opportunity to get to know him for himself.
2007-10-06 23:48:29 · answer #5 · answered by Tigerbabe 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You can not deny the child the right to see its father and to be honest your family are right. If you work out an amicable agreement and don't speak negatively about the child's father infront of or to the child he will develop and grow into a happy well adjusted person.
Your husband seems to have a better understanding of this situation even though it is probably one he would rather not be dealing with.
You need to find a Doctor or Counsellor who can help you to be less stressed and to help you be less 'reactive' to the situation you are in. You have shared a child with a man who is not your husband and he is not doing things as you would like them to be done. In all of this your husband is trying to support everyone including himself. The father of the baby is most likely experiencing mixed feelings also. He meets you and believes he has a relationship you become pregnant and then reconcile with your husband and he is expected to play happy Dad's your way.
Family Counselling for all of you to make sound rules and plans for the innocent person in all of this, the child.
2007-10-06 23:58:20 · answer #6 · answered by sag_kat2chat 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How old is your son? If he is just a newborn, I would think that leaving the real father out of it might be the best if he didn't have the decency to be there for the labor. Then again, the father may not have wanted to be there for the labor because he might have been looking at the labor as a supportive thing for you. If you and the real father weren't on good terms at the time of delivery that would explain his not being there. That doesnt mean he doesnt care for his son or want to be a part of his life. Talk civily and calmly with the real father.. see what his real intentions are. Respect him and support his true feelings because it is his son :)
2007-10-06 23:41:53 · answer #7 · answered by In over my head 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
The other guy is just trying to be a jerk, and perhaps trying to get something going with you again. Tell him you have to consult with your attorney first to determine how much child support he will have to pay and that alone may chase him off. If he still insists upon seeing the baby, let our husband and perhaps your mother be there when he sees the baby and not be there yourself. One other thing I think you realize, your husband is one in a million to go through all of this with you so if you ever have problems again, get counseling and work it out because he sounds too good for you to lose.
2007-10-06 23:49:55 · answer #8 · answered by Al B 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Serious situation! One issue is the reasoning behind him wanting to see his son. Is he wanting to spend quality time with him, or take him away from you to turn the tables around on you for child support and so forth?? I think before a decision is made, all parties involved, including your husband, should sit down and make guidelines, expectations, rules, list pros and cons of the situation for all of you, including your son. Your son does have a right to know who his father is, but it is your duty as a mother to protect your child. If there is reason for doubt or concern, or intentions, that needs to be dealt with. Honestly, it is about all of you...as a whole! The main priority of course, is your son. If your husband was understanding to stand by you, he has to be understanding in giving this man a chance to be apart of his son's life. And you as his wife, have to be understanding of both men in their situations as well. Focus on the child and make sure all decisions are open and agreed upon by all parties. Best of luck.
2007-10-06 23:55:26 · answer #9 · answered by jenn4chrisphillips 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
OK, first things first. Your family is right, It's whats best for the child that matters. Second, it sounds like there might be some DNA testing needed here. If you and your husband were separated and this other man is indeed the father, then there is a little matter of child support involved (for 18 years!!). and third, if the other man is the father, and he does pay child support, then you will probably have this man in your babies life for a long time. I think the whole lot of you need some counseling, and FAST!!!!
2007-10-06 23:45:35 · answer #10 · answered by gerald M 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
YOUR son does NOT need a father who refuses to be there financially for him or emotionally , this guy will walk in and out of his life and screw him probably cause drug addiction in his teen years from him being abandoned and returning all the time , ignore your families and keep the butthead out of your sons' life period.
Who is named as the father on his birth certificate? go and see a lawyer if it's not your husband and apply for full custody and adoption if your husband is willing and get rid of this jerk.
If you kept dates and time's he didnt show for your son it will be helpful to give a judge reason to get him out of the childs life for good.
2007-10-06 23:50:12 · answer #11 · answered by JadeyOz 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋