Depressed and lost sexual desire?

Question

I dont know what to do... I REALLY need help. You see, I am 21 years old and am going throught a lot. I have been with my man for 4 and a half years. We have a 3 year old son and I just dont want sex AT ALL. I dont even want to touch myself. I am overweight( PLEASE DONT COMMENT IF ITS GOING TO BE RUDE) I work on it periodicaly but am so tired after work its hard. I know that this isnt the only reason I dont want it but I am starting to worry. I am on birth control and have heard that that can make you lose intrest is that true? What do I do. I not only hate myself but our relationship is suffering. He wants a 3 some and to be honest I wouldnt mind but no way in HELL am I going to been in front of another woman (they are WAY to judgemental. He is losing intrest because I wont attempt it (had one a year ago, a 3 some and loved it) but just can bring myself to it. We both are not happy with sex. Are we over? Please help us!

Answer 1

Dear, I know it's hard to exercise. And absolutely yes, birth control can affect your sex drive. It's a hormone injection. Don't worry about your weight so much. I married a big girl and I love her so much that she's the most physically attractive thing on the planet as far as I'm concerned. Beauty is subjective and relative and anyone who married you obviously found you attractive. I implore you to exercise though. Not to lose weight, but because it will increase your sex drive. It works, I promise. You should also honestly explain this problem to your husband so that he doesn't think that there's something wrong with him. Sex is one of the beautiful things that makes life worthwhile and it's also a basic need for people. You're neglecting your husband right now. You're not over. Work on this together. Try anything you can. A life without sex is a sad one indeed. exercise is also a better treatment for depression than paxil or zoloft. A Duke University study just published those findings. Get some, and then get some! Fun with Pun. Try! Good luck. You're going to be ok. Remember, you're missing one of the best human experiences in life. SEX!!!!. That's depressing in itself. Good luck

Answer 2

Okay, honey, first and foremost. Calm down and recollect yourself. I can see a lot of potential problems, and the first one is definitely self-esteem. I want you to take this from someone who used to be over 200 pounds. Join a diet plan. Try weight watchers. I'm not trying to be rude.. I went from 206 to 144 in a little less than a year, and it turned my world around. You will look at everything in a new light. You'll stop being so tired, you'll have more energy, and your self-esteem will go through the roof. The time and money is definitely worth it. The hardest part is getting started, but all of the people are a great support group.
Also, having a child can be very stressful. I suggest that you start taking a day for yourself. See if you can find someone to babysit, and go get your nails or hair done or something. Just do something not too expensive that you enjoy.
Birth control can have a lot of crazy side effects as well. Also, it can affect women who are over weight differently. A simple call to your OBGYN might help ease your mind about the side effects.
And maybe you and your man should try some different things? Maybe the idea of spicing things up might make it a little more interesting?

So many things could be going on. Talk to your man about what's going on, and let him know about your decision. If he loves you, he will be patient.


If a healthy diet and some time for yourself doesn't work, I would suggest seeing a therapist. It may stem from depression, but many therapists are doing to suggest to something very similar. Give it a try first. I promise.. it will do miracles.

Answer 3

It could be because of stress or anxiety, or maybe it's just a phase you're going through. I went through a similar thing in my early 20s for a few months (I'm still not sure why) but now my sex drive is higher than it's ever been (now that I'm not getting any! lol!) As for your boyfriend, you should take advantage of this situation and find things you and your boyfriend can do together that don't involve sex. It will help you guys appreciate each other more, and the sex will be even better when your sex drive comes back again! Also avoiding worrying about it, as that will make it worse. Good luck!

Answer 4

Sounds like you really let your life fall apart, your job, your fitness and your relationship. The reason for this is that you just let life happen to you and took the seemingly easy path at every juncture. It takes some level of ambition to get an education and thereby a better job, it takes a bit to get off the couch and start some form of exercise, it may take some lonely nights and lonely weekends to find the perfect relationship but in the end its these sacrifices which will make your life much better, you are 21 with a kid so do it for him, get a plan, stick to it and make some positive changes.

Answer 5

Ok hon, one step at a time. Go on a date with your husband please, dressed up, be sexy and love yourself the way you are now.....please try a few hours at a time......get a babysitter, a friend, just do it.
At home alone, put some music, revealing clothes and dance in front of a mirror, put on some high heels and have fun with yourself...you see it is not the extra pounds, it is the confidence, get back to the sexy in you, the music, the clothes, the shoes will help you...please try.....show the man you still have it inside, they want to be wanted, they need to be desire....if you do not have an affair with your husband someone else will....you can have fun....get yourself in a mood, read a book, get a movie...you can do it...i did....do it for you...you need the attention too hon. Sending energy your way.....go put some dancing moving and shake that body...enthusiasm will surface, and smile, force yourself, it can do magic, remember when you met him, remember the good times....the pounds will melt..just jump into life again.

Answer 6

Birth control pills can cause some of the symptoms you are having and contribute to weight gain. You might talk to your doctor about trying a different one. Also it wouldn't hurt to get your hormones checked, if they are out of whack it can cause lots of problems, including depression.

Personally, I'd never go for a threesome except in my fantasies, it puts too much stress on the relationship to be able to measure up to two people's expectations, let alone being happy with just one person.

Answer 7

First of all, a diminished sex drive isn't all that unusual when you have a young child and you work yourself to exhaustion. What I'm wondering about is when you said that you hate yourself, could that be one of the reasons for your lack of interest? How can a person be expected to perform if they aren't happy with themself? It isn't going to happen, you need to try to work on making yourself happier, that's honestly what's going to be in the best interest of everyone else.

A relationship isn't completely about sex, that's just one of so many aspects about a good relationship! It doesn't seem to me that you're over, just that you have a little work to do. Can you get a sitter and go out once a week, just you and him, to reconnect? And maybe this isn't a good time to be talking about a threesome, maybe it would help if you just set that aside for awhile until your sex drive is improving.

Don't rush it, that's only going to put more pressure on you. Try to work on finding things to be optimistic about, the sex drive will come back once the rest of you is better. :)

Answer 8

Firstly, you should have a red flag up if your partner is upset with you because you won't let him have sex with another woman. That sounds like a pretty insensitive request to me. Almost like he's playing off of your insecurities to guilt you into doing things that you aren't ready for. Secondly, you should talk to people about what's going on in your life. That's usually a good primary way to relieve stress and find ways to resolve your problems. I would also recommend some type of professional counseling. If you "hate yourself" then you definitely need to find a way to put things in perspective. When something is going on in your life that is detrimental to your enjoyment, you need to find and eliminate it. There's nothing wrong with getting a little help to do that. Talk to you partner. Make sure that he's there with you every step of the way. If he isn't then you'll know what type of person he is and I doubt that you'll want to be with him any longer.

Answer 9

Sounds to me like your life is way off track and that you may have been living for and thru your man, and not for yourself. There's no way a 21 year old woman should be as weary about love and sex as you are, unless something's really out of wack...so here's what I recommend to boost your energy, self-esteem, and maybe libido:

1-Get on a healthy lifestyle plan and stay on it. Get on an exercise program (daily walking, yoga, swimming) and stay on it. Be advised that 3somes (as popular as they may be) are not part of a healthy lifestyle.

2-If you work, get more involved in what you do, or start working on your resume to get a better job. This includes taking some courses to enhance your job skills.

3-Give your home some TLC. Buy paint, fabric, used furniture, and fix up a room in your home.

4-Get involved in your community. Whether it's a breast cancer walk or a neighborhood watch...get out there and get involved with other people who care about their community.

Don't be surprised if you man starts wondering whether or not he can keep up with you:) Good Luck.

Answer 10

I do not usually comment to questions if couples are not married. You did not comment. My advice, If you need to lose weight then try to lose some weight. I understand it is not and easy thing to accomplish, but not impossiable either.
A threesome is a bad decision, wake up before it is too late
on that one.
God Bless.