Comments and constructive critisism would be nice...
And I am 12 so I don't know if that makes a difference at all.
One of the shorter ones I wrote.
&I think it sucks.
Where is all the comfort when you need it the most
As I lie in this hospital bed as white as a ghost
Although I cannot speak I am calling out for help
Thinking of all the memories I left sitting on the shelf
I feel these are my last words, Words I will never say
I am tired of my empty life passing me day by day
Never again will I see the sunshine
Never will I see the rain
Never again will I feel this horrible pain
I need to force just one more smile
I need to draw just one more tear
For these are my last words, Words I will never say
Before my life drifts away.
2007-10-06 16:10:36 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
I give you a 10. There are plenty of adults who cannot write as well. If you thought it sucked you wouldn't have posted it, you should be proud. Poetry comes from your soul and you let it show. I hope your life is not filled with the sadness you wrote about.
2007-10-06 17:01:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
8
2007-10-07 02:46:45 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
8
2007-10-06 23:19:20 · answer #3 · answered by low_hd_rider 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
9
2007-10-06 23:40:21 · answer #4 · answered by Elizabeth B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Those are some STRONG words of emotion coming from a 12 year old. I hope you are not that sad on a regular basis.
As far as style goes, they read very much like song lyrics more than straight poetry. Keep writing. It doesn't matter if you ever get published or anything. Doing art is ALWAYS a worthwhile end in itself, and poetry can be a wonderfully therapeutic tool for getting through life's' struggles.
2007-10-07 01:33:18 · answer #5 · answered by ibdastevie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey. I think this is easily a 10, and is very well-written for your age. Honestly, I think this poem is perfect. It is completely genuine, thoughtful, emotional, and captivating. The imagery is there, and that is important. I like how you initially expressed your feelings with your stay in the hospital, and then expressing the feelings.
Nice work!
If you have any other questions, just message me!
Jeff
2007-10-06 23:23:17 · answer #6 · answered by Jeff 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"I am tired of my empty life passing me day by day"
At 12?? you aint seen it yet dear.
I give it a 7.
2007-10-07 00:36:32 · answer #7 · answered by ari-pup 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its good, i like it, full of meaning. shows lots emotions.
+10
2007-10-06 23:18:13 · answer #8 · answered by hotvw1914cc 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
o.k.
it;s sad and full of self pitty.
but it;s not bad for 12.
2007-10-06 23:15:46 · answer #9 · answered by rottentothecore 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋