Should I tell my ex wife these things?

Question

We divorced because of my drug addiction. I've been clean for a while now and I've really changed my life. I'm happy. We've been together for 10 years and are 27. She told me that she loved me very much but was just afraid of having children with me because of the drug use. I understand that. I neglected her needs financially, emotionally, and physically, but now I have the tools to meet them and want to very badly. I want to tell her that I don't want to throw away our investment of time and energy in each others lives. That I have such deep feelings for her and a strong belief that we can make a happy, loving, intimate relationship now and that it will be really difficult and painful for me if I give up on the love of my life without trying. I've processed what happened and understand my part in things. I won't be perfect. I'll make mistakes, but I love her endlessly, and I'm willing to do anything to fullfill her needs and her life. I'm ready to share my life fully.Should I tell her

Or am I just going to hurt her even more? I'm not willing to ever hurt her again even if it means staying away. What do you think girls?

Go back to your meetings weaklings. I don't buy that load. I quit by my own will. Not by finding god or anything else. For myself and for her. Not a sponsor. Everyones different. NA's not for everyone. I'm clean and full of joy, that's all that matters.

I am happy. Full of a new-found joy in life. I have a wonderful new job and plenty of money since I don't spend any on substances. I'm a college graduate, not a bum. This isn't about money. It's about me putting substances ahead of my babydoll. Bottomline. I can put her first now and want to. I just need a chance, but I cannot bear hurting her again, EVER! I can find another woman any time. I want my baby. I'm a lovefool.

Answer 1

TELL HER! That is the sweetest thing in the world! Honestly, if you've really changed and you really want to make a life with her, make her happy... then TELL HER! I mean, to marry someone you have to love them. And she married you...
You messed up, you turned your life around. You have nothing to lose here and something so special to gain if she can find it in her heart to trust you again.
If you don't tell her she'll think you never cared as much as you really do and you'll always regret letting her out of your life without being honest with her.
A woman, especially one who was with her man for so long, wants nothing more than to hear him say he loves her. Divorce or not, ex-wife or not... she's still someone who loves you. After ten years how could she not? Even if she tries to play it off, being with someone that long, it's there.
Tell her what you posted here. And then just hope for the best. If she decides to give it another try with you, DON'T MESS IT UP. Afterall, you said she's the love of your life.
.... it doesn't get much more meaningful than that. Good luck!

Answer 2

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Answer 3

Let the courts know. Of course itll be your daughters word against his new wife and without any witnesses to these conversations, and surely his new wife will deny everything, not much will happen here. Thats probably why his new wife does this only when they are alone so no witnesses. His new wife is smart enough to know that the only way they can obtain custody of her is to have your daughter to ask for which one she wants to live with as they cannot have you ruled unfit in a custody battle. Your daughter is probably smart enough to see what her new step mother is attempting to do here and has already formed her own opinions so you should have nothing to worry about here.You can also l,et your ex know about the games his wife is playing and will let the courts know about them if they continue as theyre upsetting your daughter to the point she doesnt want to visit them. As a related point if you could ever prove that she is saying these things about you outside of the house, then you could sue her in small claims court for slander or defamation of character. Good luck

Answer 4

You can tell her but I am sure you told her other things that you didn't follow through with when you were on the drugs, so now show her. If you attend a recovery group for narcotics invite her to go with you, for example, and perhaps she may even meet a woman married to someone like you, recovering, who will reassure her that you can be worth giving a second chance.
Other than that, just show her that you are not the same person as the one she divorced.

Answer 5

When I was reading this I thought..wow, he is definitely saying all the right things. I don't see how words like that would hurt anyone. It would probably make her day! Of course I would hate to say this and then she chose a different path. I don't know her, so it is hard to say. I do know though that your words are said so perfectly and if that doesn't win her over I honestly don't know what would.

Congratulations on being clean! I am sure that is a hard addiction to kick. I wish you the best of luck and like I say, I really don't see how saying those things could hurt her at all. I think it's your best chance to get her back . Good luck to you!

Answer 6

What is clean for a while? You need to be clean for at least a year, working a program consistently and taking care of yourself. You sound like you are putting way too much energy into wanting the relationship back instead of taking care of yourself. Talk to your sponsor and, I hope you still are in touch with him, and see what he thinks. If you haven't been clean and sober for at least a year and working a steady program, you and I both know what he'll say. Right now your sobriety has to be #1 in your life. Relax and take care.

Answer 7

Sit her down explain everything you explained to us and see what she says thats about all you can do , congrats to you for cleaning up and seeing and realising the mistakes and taking responsability for it many people wouldnt.

If she isnt willing to give it another go then go find a woman who you can build your new life with , and remember you shouldnt replace your drug addiction with the addiction of trying to fix your marriage , be happy.

Answer 8

Tell her but you have to respect her boundaries. You know your place in what happened but has she accepted her responsibilities in enabling you to do what you did? I understand her issues however, the love of your life is worth a second try so talk to her and take that chance but only if you are working your program and it has been an appropriate length of time for your recovery. Don't jeopardize your recover for her......after all you have to take care of you and you are worth it. Remember???

Answer 9

Continue with your change and demonstrate to her (and yourself) you can do it. As it sounds, you don't need to burden her while you still are in this transition and possibly slip back.
Of course she is going to wonder if you cared for her so much, why couldn't you have done this when the two of you were together and you need an answer that question for her.

Answer 10

i think you need to start showing her your feelings, and stop talking about it. you may have a chance IF she is not fed up with you and your crap. if she can tell you that she still loves you and want to be with you than you may have a chance. but please know in your heart of hearts that this is what you really want and that your lying days are OVER, drug days are OVER, cheating days are OVER, not have and keeping a job days are OVER, wanting to be a family man, husband, son, father, brother, uncle, and her ever thing in HERE. but please know that she will from time to time reflect back to the old days and you have to allow her that but you both should seek marriage counseling so that you both will know how to move forth and forgive each other for the past and look toward the future. i wish you all the best if you are serious and for real. but know that this is your LAST time to mess over her and her feelings. GodBless