What Else Can I Do to Salvage Our Marriage? Please Help...?

Question

I was married for 6yrs now.Like my couples we do hv our fair share of arguements and disagreements but all ends well in a day or two.However lately we argued over the smallest things.We decided to see a marraige counsellor.After 6-7 sessions that deep down I realised things things didnt improve much and only then i realised a divorce might be inevitableand only solution I have..We both still love each other but we really had ran out of resources and solutions.Should I follow my heart to go separate ways or just carry on and live with it ? Appreciates if anyone can advise.Thanks

Answer 1

Wholly mixed messages batman!!

I am hearing that you both love each other but then you say, "should I follow my heart to go separate ways.."

Love and the heart should be hand in hand - not sure where you're feeling the love if the heart is telling you to get the heck out of there!!

Behind small arguments are generally a big one that neither one wants to talk about and TALK is the answer.

Why has the arguments over the small stuff increased all of a sudden over the last little while?

If you think of fights as being on a radar screen, you have your big ol day/week fights where you don't talk to each other and these are a big blip but not too big or you have these petty disagreements that are unnoticable blips on the screen that really aren't worth the hassle.

Take time to get to know each other. Reflect upon each other's best side, strengths instead of feeding into the negativity.

Talk to your partner about how much you really do love them and that you want it to work. They may not be in the same mindset.

You never know until you TALK.

Good luck.

Answer 2

Well all couples have their fair share of argument and disagreements. But it is up to the couples to work out a solution to resolve their problems.
No doubt seeing a marriage counsellor could help your marriage but at the end of the day it is both of you that is going to resolve the problem yourselves by putting in the effort.
The main thing is that both of you must come to terms to see what is the best solution out in this marriage. Sometimes carrying on with each other may not be the best solution but divorce is not an ideal solution too. Maybe it is time for you and your spouse have a good talk to decide what is the best solution

Answer 3

If you still love each other don't even consider divorce. As long as there's love, there's hope. People who get divorced often fall out of love with their spouse and feel no connection whatsoever. Arguements, as silly as this sound, is a form of connection if they're used right. It can be a way to really open up to your spouse, you just have to know how to avoid "trigger" words (things that you know will set them off) and how to include constructive comments along with your negative ones. Also, something I've found that really works, if the arguement is getting out of hand, one of you come over to the other and start to kiss or touch.. you know, just play... and you'd be surprised how much it lightens the situation, especially if it was over something dumb. Six years is something to be proud of and just because the counseling is making you feel divorce is the only option doesn't mean it is. Actually, the counseling is probably making you feel like this because you're both getting things said and out in the open, which is a good thing. Honesty always is. Let the dust settle, and the feelings of hurt/bitterness towards one another die down, and then look at each other with all the honesty out there, and know that you're both trying. And keep trying. Everyone divorces these days. It should say "for better or for... well, until I decide I'm not trying anymore..." instead of "for better or for worse". Good luck. Hang in there!

Answer 4

I agree with above post that marriage counseling isn't the cure for a marriage that has some problems. Just because you saw little or no improvement after 6 or 7 sessions doesn't mean that your marriage is unsalvagable. In addition to that, you both need to WORK to make the marriage better. This means taking into account what's important to the other person. You can't just guess what the other person in the relationship wants and needs--most times you need to specifically tell each other.

I would make up a list of 5 things that you would like your spouse to do, and then have them do the same for things they would like you to do. Make it little things that you can do in a weekend. Don't make it general like, "I would like you to pay more attention to me." It needs to be specific. "I would love it if you would draw a bath for me, cook me a nice meal, and then spend the evening just holding each other." Your goal for the next month is to do as many things on the list as you can. Also, don't make them expensive things unless you have the money to spare.

Try this for a few months and see if things improve. I know it's not a romantic idea to think that you have to tell someone how to make you feel special, but marriage isn't always about romance...it's about doing things for each other, even when you're tired.

Good luck!

Answer 5

Just because marriage consuling didn't work for you doesn't mean nothing else will. I know I'm only 13 and have never been in a relationship out of choice, but I'd say try and think back about your relationship with your husband 6 years ago, and recreate that love, those moments, and if you truely can't feel a thing, not a spark, not a flare, then talk it out with him and follow your heart and brains.

Also, do you have kids? If you guys are arguing over small things, maybe your kids are the problem, or maybe your kids can help solve them.

Answer 6

That is a question that only you can answer but I would say if you still love each other and you are both willing to work on saving the marriage than the marriage is salvageable. It will take both of you being willing to work at it and both being willing to compromise.
You said you 2 argue over little things. The first thing you need to do is learn to overlook the little things. When you do disagree about something you have to learn to sit down and talk about it.
A successful marriage is like anything else you are successful at you have to work at it. You wouldn't start a business and expect it to be successful without having to work at it and a marriage is the same way.

Answer 7

good for you seeing the counselor but now comes the point that you have to sit and talk among yourselves. list the things that you argue about and try to arrive at a solution that you both will be happy with. You may have to give on some areas but as long as he is willing to give on others you may be able to compromise and arrive at a way to get past all the arguments. If you are not able to do that, perhaps a divorce is the only answer.

Answer 8

if there is really true love, and that you are fully aware of what has been going on.

quiet down, and follow your heart, love comes from your heart and not your mind.

sometimes, to love is to live happily, is to allow personal growth, allow own space for all....

love does not necessarily means a must be always together.. .

I am not sure what is the root cause to your marriage problem, but if it is really a small matter, then the question is really what do you want in this marriage and what he wants?

at times, we tell ourselves we did a lot at our part, but I can tell you - most of the times, we are self lie, self lie to ourselves!?!??!?

and that is the saddest thing to do

suggest to cool off a couple of weeks, and see what your heart tells you, truly follow it then....

Answer 9

If you still love each other, your marriage may be saved; give your best and ignore those little things that makes you argue. Stop thinking about divorce thats the easisest solution , thats whay too many couples get divorce.

Answer 10

Two words, Love and Respect.
Respect for the Husband, Love for the Wife.
Any marriage can be repaired, rekindled. It is never too
late. Fighting is usually due to lack of Respect for the Husband and lack of Love for the Wife. Fighting is wanting one's own way. (it is full of selfishness and pride. -period). Unfortunatley thou when a wife does not show her husband respect that he MUST have as a husband, he acts unloving to his wife and doesn't give her the love she MUST have as a wife. No Respect=No Love= No Love=no Respect and on and on and on. On the other hand, Respect for Husband =Love for Wife=Love for Wife=Respect for Husband and so on.
Respect, sexual satisfacation for Husband, Love for Wife = Happy Marriage. I hope this helped you. Helped my marriage tremendously. I can suggest the Christian based book if you would like more on this, it is titled, " Love and Respect". Dr. Emmerson Eggerichs. The love she most desires and the respect he despretley needs. Men see the world thru blue shades, Women see the world thru pink shades. We are Male and Female. Defenetly a huge difference in many ways. As much mentality as physically. We cannot see things the same, hear things the same, do things the same. We would be married to ourselves then. How boring would that be? When you cannot agree, then agree to disagree. Each others differences should compliment the others. Do all you can to repair your marriage. You are worth it, your Husband is worth it, your 6 yr. Marriage is worth it. It's not easy, nothing worthwhile is, but it can be done. Best of luck to you both, God Bless.