We have been married for 5 years. We both were married previously for 8 years. Both of us have children from previous marriage that we now are raising together (other parent for both sides is absent from kids lives).
After 5 years all of the things my husband does drives me NUTS! We were such a match when we got married and we have both evolved into other people. We don't agree on discipline for our kids. We don't agree on finances. We don't even agree about the dog. In fact, we do't agree about much! I love him very much and I believe he loves me. I think we could work through a lot of issues if we were to talk openly to a therapist. He refuses, saying we don't need it, we're fine.
How do I get him to understand we need this. I need this.
2007-10-06 15:42:16 · 8 answers · asked by slv02 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
even if he doesn't go, go yourself. unless you can get to the point where you can start to agree on things, especially regarding discipline for the kids, you will have to leave him and get a divorce for the mental health of your children. If they see this type of relationship between you and your husband, they will copy this in their own future relationships and the fact that you come here and ask advice means that isn't working for you and won't work for them either without a lot of heartaches.
2007-10-06 15:53:56 · answer #1 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You can lead a horse to water but you can not force him to drink.
Plainly put , he states you dont need it your fine , he is hiding behind knowing everything he does is wrong but he is set in his ways he doesnt need a 3rd party telling him that your right and he's wrong.Your children have to come 1st and if you cant agree on how to raise them then you setting a very bad example for them , time to make a decision away from believing counciling will ever happen because it wont.
2007-10-06 16:12:04 · answer #2 · answered by JadeyOz 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its simple request the counseller to visit you when both of you are present at any place. Your home is the ideal place.
The best solution for you is to chalk out the problems by yourself.
I will tell you onething One cannot douse fire with fire. It can only be doused by water. Meaning If your husband is angry the only way you can calm him by remaining calm and cool and viceversa. Try to talk between yourselves and undertand what each wants to say. Listen to both sides and then find a solution. This is the least you can do and i belive this might help.
2007-10-06 15:50:48 · answer #3 · answered by Mahesh M 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Unfortunately you cant force him. But that doesnt mean you cant go for yourself. Show him that just because he refuses to acknowledge or work on a problem doesnt mean you will. Learn how to effectively communicate, and to set realistic expectations. Live for yourself, and be happy. Marriage is hard work, but it sounds like you already know that. Make every effort to make it work, you owe it to yourselves. Maybe if he sees you are dedicated and trying, he will lighten up and give it a try as well. Good luck!
2007-10-06 15:52:21 · answer #4 · answered by My2Cents 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Think of it this way...
How did you get your kids to try something new at the dinner table? By eating it yourself and remarking on how good it tasted.
Same with counseling. You're going to have to go by yourself at first, and make sure you talk it up..ALOT...around the house. If the counseling helps you, talk about it. If you like your therapist, talk about him or her. If it's group therapy, talk about how interesting the other couples are and how their problems are similar to yours. This will peak his interest and I guarantee you'll get an "ok...I'll go" eventually.
It takes a strong person to do this though, but if you are convinced that counseling will help, you'll have to start going by yourself to get the ball rolling. Good Luck.:)
2007-10-06 15:58:55 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Frankly I do know how u feel.Currently both my wife and myself are seeking help from a marriage counsellor.Its can help so try to explain to him that its good for the sake of the family and children.Good luck and take care
2007-10-06 15:54:33 · answer #6 · answered by chasen54 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell him it is counseling or divorce, if not now, eventually, you can't take the battles forever . Tell him you want to make the marriage work, don't wait till you don't care anymore and just want out. Putting it off will just make matters worse.
2007-10-06 15:53:10 · answer #7 · answered by Great Grandma 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell him that it is very important to you.
2007-10-06 15:48:01 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋