I'm very lonely. Since my separation I spend 99% of my time alone..?

Question

I am taking very good care of myself but feel it is not good for me to continue this way. Can you please suggest a solution? If I go to a pub alone for example (the people I know are married so will not join me) is it going to look wierd?? Also, I am 35 yr old male and have not been with a woman for more than a year now! I feel I'm going crazy! THANKS

Answer 1

Are you spending time alone because you haven't gotten over the seperation, and still feel like you would be betraying the love that's past? If so, talk to a psychologist to help put it past you.

If you spend time alone just because you no longer have someone to hang around with, try hanging with your friends more, and maybe by getting more involved with them and their friends, you'll meet someone?
And they're not joining you because your not married? That's dumb

Also, I'm not sure if this is purely for movies, but you could try speed dating. You never know if you'll meet someone in the same situation as you are.

Answer 2

There are so many things you can do without looking weird! Going to the pub alone will look weird and desperate.

Make a list of things that interest you... like rock climbing, biking, reading, cooking, etc. then find a group or class and join up! You will meet other people who are interested in the same thing you are, so you will have a common ground, and presto...instant friends! Friends can then introduce you to other available (female) friends.

You need to reach out and help yourself, nobody is going to come to your door and make you socialize.

Lastly, you can get an on line dating coach who can help you tap into your inner self and help you work through any insecurities or hang ups you may not even know you have.

Good luck!

Answer 3

I sympathize, really.

Joining groups are fine but not all people extroverted enough to do so.

As a man, you are fortunate. It's perfectly fine to go to a pub alone- sit at the bar where people tend to be more social and other singles sit. Go to the same one consistently, try a few out before you set on your "local". Try to sit in view of a TV. Also, become friendly with the bartender, smile and remember his name everytime you come in. BTW, as a female I loved living in Europe- it's acceptable for a woman to sit in a bar alone there but not really okay in the US unless you want to be accosted as a hooker.

Try online dating! Everyone is doing it!!!!

Occasionally, go to a museum or informational speaker seminar.

Always be up for meeting somewhere- I swear grocery stores are THE PLACE for meeting people- airports too.

As far as not "being" with a woman, well, I guess it's the downside of being single. Don't mention this too readily. Women can sense when men are too eager for sex and not willing to get to know us first.

Good Luck!!!!!!!

Answer 4

I know exactly how you feel. I'm a girl and I am married. I remember those days when I was single. I hated the bar /club scene. Making small talk was hard for me. It took a couple of shots of what ever somebody gave me for me to lighten up. You are not weird for not being with a woman for more than a year. I am married were both in our thirties and I can count on one hand in 4 1/2 years how many times I have been with my husband. Now that's WEIRD!. Believe me its not me either. If I were you I would just keep working on yourself, Don't they say when you least expect it love will find you. Or something like that. If that doesn't help I like going to Borders book store. Just sitting there and reading the books (for free) of course. Its not a place to pick up somebody. Yet, its a place to kick back and relax. Before you know it you've wasted hours of your time. Cheer UP!!!

Answer 5

Why not join a club that holds things on saturday or sunday that way your mingling with people again and you might meet some new friends who are single who you can spend time with also find any divorced male groups , you dont say if you have kids but if you do there are plenty of single dad groups out there , good luck.

Answer 6

Are you living four yourself or others????? If you want to go clubbing - just go. Why need to think what others might thinks of you? To me, life is all not about a woman/man - it about what I want to do, what makes me feel good.

There's a lot of things out there to do - for instance joining "dance" classes (lots of men are joining now), golfing, archery etc - by you doing so - automatically the loneliness will not creep it.

At the end of the day, loneliness is the invisible wall that have been built around you and its up to you how you want to overcome it. You may say - its easily said than done - CHANGE YOUR MINDSET AND SEE THE DIFFERENCE YOU CAN MAKE TO YOUR SELF AND ALSO OTHERS.

Answer 7

People go alone to pubs all the time. So, that's fine. There are tons of groups out there-for politics or hiking or just singles activities. No need to be alone. Take a deep breath and get out there!

Answer 8

I am in the same situation and sympathize! I don't go to the bar but sit alone with my pups every night staring at the ceiling. I hope for both of us it will get better. Maybe spending time outside would help? The warm sunshine always makes me feel a little better. Good Luck.

Answer 9

Good luck it isnt to bad to go out by yourself to the pub by yourself once and awhile. If you are the type of person that can talk to people then get out there and do other activities. That is what I do now only if I could talk to someone when I was out I wouldnt be at this computer saturday night.

Answer 10

You def. need to take some action and STOP thinking TOOOO MUCH. FOCUS, ORGANIZE, AND straighten out your life or you will become 80 years old in another month!!!!!! Join an organization...if you are religious, get into religion and meet people at groups and gatherings...if you are not religious, you need to join a fitness center....or go back to college and take some courses you are interested in. Be places where others will be....So three options....Church...School...Fitness Center....there are many more!!! and you could do all that by yourself and you will NOT look weird to anyone. Just get up and GOOOOO. you have to!