We've been married for eight years. I had a gambling addiction, and lied to her about it. I wasn't always the best husband, but I was pretty good.
Now I am dealing with my addiction (Gamblers Anonymous meetings, counseling) and my life is turning around for the better.
She still says she wants out and she will never trust me again.
I love her and we have three young children.
I don't believe in divorce - from a personal standpoint and a religous standpoint.
What should I do?
2007-10-06 14:28:33 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you don't divorce her she will start to hate you,if you let her go now maybe in the near future you two can get back together. Women are different then men when we want out that means it's over and has been for a long time. We take a lot before we realize that it's over.Nothing you can do but part friends why hang on to a marriage that has been dead.
2007-10-06 15:24:22 · answer #1 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
She likely believes that divorce is wrong and perhaps sinful, So if you are sure of what you are doing and are comfortable, having turned you back on such religious things, then please divorce her and take the blame - after all - it was false advertising on your part - claiming to be something you really were not. It is most unfortunate for both of you. I don't blame you for your feelings and doubt. I also do not blame her for feeling betrayed - she was by any standard. Truth be told she could get the marriage annulled on the basis of your deceiving her as to your true beliefs if that is important to her. Should you leave her? The odds of success are best in your first marriage - this is an undisputed fact. However, if your core values differ there is nothing to build upon so you have little options. If you think some time alone might clear your head and make you choices clear ask for a trial separation and see what you conclude but have a specific time line where you will tell her what you have decided. Best wishes
2016-03-19 06:48:46 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depends on how much pain you are willing to go through. If your wife wants a divorce I suspect the sex life is absent. Has she got an attorney and filed for divorce or is it just talk?
With 3 children you will be crippled financially whenever you have to start paying child support, You are in a bad place any way you look at it. I recommend a vasectomy and be extra nice to your wife. Keep going to counseling and try to get her to go with you for marriage counseling. Don't try to force her. Just ask her to go. Leave her know you are going for counseling on your own to help you be a better husband and father and person. Keep asking her to go every so often. It may take a while for her to come around. Don't think you are or were a pretty good husband like you stated because if that were true your wife wouldn't be thinking of divorce. You need to admit your faults and apologize. Then give her some space if she remains in the house don't push her away by trying to get intimate or trying to go back to the way it used to be. She is telling you that you need to change. If she sees a change things may work out. But you need to be patient with her very very patient. Do things around the house you don't generally do. Clean whatever. Give her flowers cook dinner for the family. SUCK UP and keep sucking up and CHANGE.
Good luck
2007-10-06 23:19:04 · answer #3 · answered by Bill 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You don't have a lot of choice except to keep cleaning up your act and doing what you need to do to be a better father to your children regardless of what you believe. It's a little late for that.
I can only suggest the divorce busting book and website, but if her mind is made up... it's gonna go down the tubes. Your wife probably didn't believe in gambling... but a lot of good that did her right?
Work hard and be a better man. That's all you CAN do.
2007-10-06 14:36:33 · answer #4 · answered by teritaur 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Depending on where you live, a divorce judge very often orders the couple into counseling before a divorce is granted and this could work to your advantage, you'll have a mediator to help you and your wife communicate things that might not have been said yet.
You can't change her mind, though. It seems to me that you've taken the right steps to regain her trust and prove yourself to her, but if she wants out, she's going to get out. You've done your best and you deserve credit for that. The ball is in her court and what happens from here on depends on her. I hope you'll be able to enter some counseling and I sincerely hope that this will be a step toward repairing your marriage. Good luck with this!
2007-10-06 14:35:40 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
It's rough living with a compulsive gambler. That's why it is sinful. It breaks up marriages. Lost trust is long & hard to earn back. And earn it you must. No other way works.
One of my sons was a compulsive gambler. He & wife had 2 little sons. He got so far in debt. & I'm sure I don't know the worst of it. He was in the Navy & when they traveled, they had to route around gambling cities with the flashing inviting lights. His wife stood by him, never did she give up on him. They where very much in love. She went to work to help pay the bills. While home on leave he took out a $5,000. loan on his auto. Hubby & I secretly paid off the loan. We told him after he got his act straightened out. He is fine now. Retired from the Navy like his Dad, he does not gamble at all. They cut up all of their credit cards & are happy as can be.
I don't know that you can do anything if your wife doesn't want to give you the chance to prove yourself trust worthy. She will doubt you for a long time. You can expect that.
Three young childrens future is at stake here.
Ask yourself if you should be trusted with their future ??
I'm sure your wife has considered that question !!!
Good luck to you & the family. God Bless You all.~~~~~
2007-10-06 15:10:00 · answer #6 · answered by Jill ❤'s U.S.A 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Is she willing to go to counselling with you? You can't make someone love you. A marriage takes 2 for it to work. I wish you well with this, but if she wants a divorce, there's really no way you can stop her. You can make it drag out, but why would you want to do that.
Below is a very good site that helps with keeping marriages together. It has printouts too. The other is a retreat for couples. Check into both. They may help.
2007-10-06 14:37:44 · answer #7 · answered by desiresheart 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
In most states, if she's determined to divorce you... you don't have a choice. My advice: let her go gracefully. When you have kids, there's no point in either prolonging the agony (for any of you) or making things ugly.
I don't believe in divorce either, but sometimes it's the best answer.
2007-10-06 16:38:13 · answer #8 · answered by 40yomama 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You said you had a gambling addiction so I assume it's in the past? Have you proven to her she can trust you? If you say you are turning your life around then she should work with you and try to make the marriage work. You have little children so that is important too. However, you can't make someone stay in a marriage if they are determined to leave. Maybe she can go with you to the meetings to gain insight and feel like she is a part of your recovery. Or try marriage counseling if needed. It takes two to make or break a marriage. Good luck.
2007-10-06 15:18:50 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
What you should do from the alleged religious stand point is keep that in a silent box and never use it again , you had a gambling addiction , you lied to her so you lost her trust , dont hold her in a marriage that was filled with pain and lies that is selfish childish and ridiculous .
Set her free and do the right thing by her for the 1st time since your addiction started , often people with addiction replace 1 addiction with something else and to me it sounds like your new addiction is being the boss of your wife and not allowing the divorce to go ahead , show her the respect you failed to show while gambling and let her go .
2007-10-06 14:33:48 · answer #10 · answered by JadeyOz 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋