How can I stop being so frustrated that my self-esteem/confidence is not where I want it to be, even though?

Question

I've been Really Really Really trying? thanks :)

I just want to be self-confident, sure of myself like I once was before people tore me down, before, I dropped out of Grad school. I'm trying really hard with Affirmations, visualizations, and self talk!

Answer 1

That's the whole problem: all this effort. You have lost the natural balance between caring and not giving a darn. I would have you stop trying so hard and just be yourself. Get to know others and not for a moment think you can change yourself by forcing it.

The stuff you are aiming for comes naturally when you put others first. You already know who you are. A genuine interest in others only enhances your self-worth.

It is a non-issue. Now what you are going to have for dinner, or wear on your feet tomorrow all day - now those are things that matter.

Helping others is important, too. The more outer-directed you become the more all this self-confidence and self-esteem stuff takes care of itself, naturally, which is the best way. All of a sudden, you realise you haven't been thinking about yourself at all, and it is a very liberating feeling, truly.

Relax and just be natural. You're already fine just the way you are. You are one of a kind and very gifted. No one as able as you should have to make an effort to be anything but here and now... - Chris.

Answer 2

Sometimes we forget and start comparing ourselves with others. That's a no win situation. We've got to remember that so much took place in their lives that we could never know how they became so successful. We may have clues but we also had so many things happen to us that made ourselves. Probably you dropped out of grad school because something got in the way. That's nothing to be ashamed of.
Once we feel more like it. It will come to us again. Confidence is believing in yourself, as you know. And I've seen you write very good questions and you do have smarts. The answers you got applied to so many people me included. The answers were great and helped so many. You are human and very sweet. You will succeed I just feel you will. You've got a lot of drive. We all fail at some point, some times and you shouldn't worry about where you are now. It's where you will be after you rest up and build more confidence. You must have more in your corner to be so hopeful. A lot of people don't have your drive and have given up. Be kind to yourself and continue what you know best.
Lots of love.
Mary

Answer 3

It seems to me that you have lost your self.

This question gives me some insight in to the reason.

For 16+ years your identity was tied to being a student.
Now, you are no longer a student so you really do not know who you are.

In reading between the lines I see that you have no real attachment or sense of self in your work place.

I am not sure what the solution may be for you. However, I do think knowing the nature of the problem is the first place to start. You need to find your true adult self. That "studentself" will never return.

Answer 4

Perhaps you want it to be at a place it is not ready to be.
Perhaps expectations are not realistic at this time.
.
F alse
E xpections
A ppearing
R eal
can delay your confidence building. Chose carefully the things that you care about investing yourself in..you can not be everything to everybody anytime

How can people tear you down?? If I called you a car, would it make you a Volvo? Would you believe me? Would you get down on all fours an let me put a gasoline hose in your ear? Nope...and there is no difference in that silly example and any other negative thing said to you.

Answer 5

Frustration can be a constructive element, it makes you want to find solutions. If you want your self estime to increase, all you need to do is... do things that would make yourself a better self image. Do things to be proud of. Not very important things. I think being the center of attention when you are with your friends can be something important too, can't it"?

Answer 6

Hi Beth,

"To thine own self be true..." :-)

Don't try & second-guess what others're thinking; we can often be wrong on those fronts, and thus further complicate issues.

Just be true to yourself, your own conscience.

Don't be afraid to challenge others' misunderstandings / misconceptions.

Dig deep; be tough; you'll get through this, gal! :-)

Best Wishes,

Arjuna

Answer 7

You shouldn't be frustrated, it just takes some time. Ask for guidance from you Higher Power :)

Answer 8

Just try being yourself and not what other people want you to be!

Answer 9

where do you want it to be?

What have you been trying?