Why can't I look people in the eye when I talk to them?

Question

And no it's not because I'm a big fat liar!!
I can stare people right in the eye when they're talking to me, but when I reply and start talking back to them my gaze is all over the place and then I start thinking about how rude it must be that I can't look them in the eye, so I'll take a quick look and I'll love that they are looking engaged, but then flitter off looking round the room again!
Why can't I look people in the eye and did anyone ever overcome this and how?

Answer 1

it could be , that you have no confidence in your self and you are insecure. or shy

Answer 2

I have gone in different stages of getting better at this. Used to be I couldn't even raise my head to look at people and I'd be red, whole body red. Then it got to where if I knew the person pretty well, always spoke with them, then I could look in their eyes no matter how much they were staring into mine.

Part of it is I have a slightly lazy eye with a weak muscle, so it was hard to focus. Especially with one eye farsighted, the other near. Now I have glasses and no excuse. :-)

You have to get over any fear that the people you are talking with will not find you interesting. Or whatever other fear you have that makes you uncomfortable talking with them. It helps if you "practice" by making at least one semi-close friend in the place where you will have to socialize a lot with people you don't really know.

Answer 3

I think it's because you feel inferior to them. When they speak you look in their eyes - obedience, you show that you pay attention to what they are saying. When I was younger I had this same problem, you can overcome it by trying this exercise (I know it may sould silly but it worked for me) : look in a mirror at yourself while you are speaking on the phone, and look yourself in the eyes as if there was someone else. After a while of doing this, you'll see it will come easyer to look people in the eyes when you speak with them.

Answer 4

Well, you can look them in the eye, you know, but you choose not to. It might just be because they are not that interesting to you in which case move on and go out and have a sandwich and a better view of life.

Believe me, when someone holds your interest, you will be making eye contact, reaching forward and resting your hand on theirs, laughing, having a glass of wine and relaxing, talking about good times and just being your normal, care-free self as usual.

Answer 5

lacking in confidence is usualy the answer 2 this if ur not lying but then some people wont look people in the eye until they hav sussed them out and no whether or not they can be trusted to be around. if u can look people in the eye when they talk 2 u then try and keep eye contact and distract urself by clasping ur hands or something like this...goodluck

Answer 6

Sometimes i have the same problem. I think it's just a shyness thing. The more you practice looking people in the eye the easier it will get to do. It's almost an act you have to put on untill u get comfortable with yourself.
Good Luck.

Answer 7

leave yourself alone. y'know what! the route to unhappiness is there stretched out before you. stop pulling your self apart and relax with who you are. tell you what!...just over the road from where i live there's a guy with the exact opposite problem to you. when your talking he kind of stares at you. i think some one must have told him it looks hard.....he just freaks every one out and frankly!! we all try to avoid the idiot. also! without realising it you could have a focus problem. if i want to look some one in the eye i have to step back a few feet, or i find myself looking first at one eye, then the outher, and its an uncomfortable feeling................or!!! ARE YOU SURE YOUR NOT A BIG FAT LIAR????

Answer 8

It is because you are in fear of what YOU will see. Fear that they may not be interested. Fear that they don't care. Fear that they don't believe you. Fear combined with lack of self confidence is the cause.

The question is: What are you going to do about it?

I suggest that you talk to someone who is close to you and tell them about this problem. Ask them to work with you doing some role playing so that you can practice making eye to eye contact. Once you've done that with one person, keep trying to make the same attempt with others.

Answer 9

It could be cultural, as some people's consider it rude to look directly into the eyes of someone else.
It could be that you feel that the person will think your stare is too intense if you look directly at them.
Or maybe you were not treated well as a child and you are afraid to look someone in the eye. ( I had a friend who was like that.)

Answer 10

I have the same problem, Some people try to think of things to say when they are talking and looking into eyes distract them, or you could be nervous talking to them. Quit thinking, let the talking and eye contact come naturally!

Answer 11

I used to be like this but not any more. I have read some great books on body language and it really is fascinating. I like to watch people now, it is very revealing. Perhaps you could buy a cheap book online and check it out for yourself. You will end up wanting to look at them.