Do I need a personality transplant?

Question

Ok, I'm an actor and I'm currently working on a tour and am going to start a new one in the near future with a new group of people and a new company.
The problem is, since starting my current job, I realised that I don't have the amazing personality I thought I had. I always thought I had a gift for long, engaging conversations with my friends and when meeting new boys... but no-one in this job ever shows me enough interest to hold a long conversation. My humour is very much based on sarcasm and - I'm sure there's a word for it, but what I tend to do is make jokey assumptions about people to their faces, like, "Oh, you're from Liverpool, glad I put my steering lock on" (ok, I've never said THAT, but I didn't have an actual example to hand!) I know I need to wait a lot longer than a first meeting to be this way but I find sarcasm and this type of humour helps me relax and hide behind this weird front as I don't know how else to be. Also... please see below, running out of room...

...I never know if it's ok to laugh at my own jokes! So I'll say something funny but in my weird I-can't-be-funny-without-monotone voice and then not laugh, and I can always see the people around me study my face to see if they're supposed to laugh or not...
Anyway I don't mean to go into so much rambling detail. Truth is, I'm not a sarcastic monster with bad humour, I'm a really nice girl who just doesn't know how to act and react around people, as much as I always thought I did, and I want my new job to go really well and to make really good memories and friends on this tour.
So any advice that would help me along, please please let me know! Thanks

("monot" is supposed to say "monotone")

Answer 1

It is possible that the people at your new job are simply diferent - more busy, not interested in chatting and laughing. Not all groups are the same, even in the same kind of work. You don't have to blame yourself if those people are more rigid, it's their loss after all. It happened to me too, to enter a news group and to be allmost ignored, but after getting to know them better I realised I don't even want to be friends with people like them (they were big time gossipers, hating and tricking each other). So, don't think something is wrong abot your personality - I think you are really funny, I liked that joke, sometimes sarcasm is what makes the world go round. Good luck!

Answer 2

Be pleasant. Answer questions put to you as honestly as you can, or refuse by saying you're not prepared to reply to that. If small talk isn't your forte, don't worry, you can ask about weather, a local sports team, or anything else. Since you're on tour, asking about good restaurants and hotels will work. Appear grateful for the information, even if you don't intend to use it. Usually, these questions will generate some sort of discussion of the merits of various establishments.. Then you can say things like "I don't want a hotel that allows pets because the last one I stayed at had roach crossings marked every ten feet, and it took forever to get to the dining room." or some other joke. Being honest, polite, and direct with a little humor will go a long way.

Answer 3

Relax and listen to others. And, "sarcasm is the lowest form of wit", an old saying but true. You are putting people off you with it. If you use it as a 'front' then you have self confidence issues. Start 'acting' as a nice person who is interested in other people and soon enough you will become that person.
As actors learn new character 'roles', we can reinvent ourselves as well.
There is a book called "The games people Play" can not think of the author that may help you to understand the 'reinvention' concept.
Good luck

Answer 4

There will always be some people who don't get you!! Don't waste you time an energy trying to prove yourself just be who you are and if they don't like it Oh well!! That's their lose! I have the same dry and sarcastic sense of humour but I laugh at myself !! Don't be afraid to laugh at your jokes if you laugh than people will laugh with you not at you! Try and have some fun and don't be so negative you can't read peoples minds. There will always be another group so cheer up!! Good luck on the tour!! Maybe I'll see your name up in lights someday!!

Answer 5

I think that many people have similar problems.

It is all about communication, something most of us actually struggle with.

I can recommend a superb book that should be compulsory reading for everyone.

Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion by Robert B. Cialdini .

It highlights how often we say things that are interpreted as meaning the opposite of what we intended. If you understand the complexities of personal interaction then getting the outcome you want becomes much easier.

Answer 6

Are you using sarcasm to keep people at arm's length? Is there some reason you feel like you don't deserve good friends?

The only person who can truly understand why you do what you do is you. Start asking yourself why and be honest. When you start feeling uncomfortable with the answers, you're probably getting close to your truth.

Break a leg : )

Answer 7

I am from Liverpool and frankly I've got your hubcaps already girl!

In many ways your sense of humour is the same as my own, I'm a sarcastic beggar and many people don't get my humour till they've known me a while.

Be yourself at all times, not everyone will like you for it, but those who get you will be friends for life

Good luck Hun x

Answer 8

Try listening twice as much as you speak. That's why you were given two ears and only one mouth. If you listen to others and watch how they conduct themselves, you will learn how to adapt to any environment. Try mirroring the people around you. Let someone else do the talking until you have a better feel for what these new potential friends are like.

Remember, everyone appreciates a good listener.

Answer 9

You are born with your personality. You have to find a niche for it. Think of a southern Belle with a deep accent fanning herself and saying " Oh my I'm afraid I have the vapors" and then fart for your friends. If you want to act or be a comedian or both...you have to let go and quit over thinking everything.
I would bet you have more talent then all of them, but you are too self conscience to move beyond them and into a career of your own. Grow past impressing people and start entertaining them.

Answer 10

i see where your comeing form i use a lot of sarcasm too. i dont really like to meet new people and yet for some reason i seem to make alot of friends everywhere i go. its kinda annoying in a way. try talking about music or movie those alway seem to lead to long conversations.