May I get personal? Was anyone adopted? Adopted a child or children themselves? Know someone personally?

Question

involved in adoption? If it is too personal I understand if not many want to answer. I'd hope if you have a story to relate and do not want to use your normal avatar you would consider doing it in disguise. I don't want anyone to talk about a deep issue like this if they'd rather remain private. We might not want something this personal to be common knowledge over the internet. After the answers I will edit to explain why I ask this question. Those of us older had a stigma attached to this situation that does not seem as relevant today.

Answer 1

My elder sister was adopted twice. She was a "war baby", the result of a liason between an American serviceman and an English girl, and was given up for adoption. The couple who adopted her at birth, both died young, and she was unwanted by the rest of the family. By the age of 12, she was virtually living "on the street". My parents heard of her plight, and adopted her. Unfortunately, there was not a happy ending to this story. My other sister, who was one year younger , took an instant loathing towards this new "older sister", and the atmosphere in our home deteriorated to the point where we became pretty much "dysfunctional".

I guess that in those days, parents really didn't discus such things with their kids, as they would today....Maggy, as she was called, was just brought into the family one day and we were told "here is your new sister". I was much younger, only 7, and thought it was pretty fine to have this different person there, since she was very worldly-wise and outgoing. But our other sister always detested and resented her. Our parents took sides, Mum with my other sister, and Dad with Maggy, so things really became uncomfortable at our place for many years.

When Maggy was 18, she left home and became a nurse. She hardly ever contacted any of us, not even me, and I'd always loved her and felt close. But I guess that she'd had so much damage done emotionally, she just wanted to get away.

She ended up having a pretty patchy life, marrying a few times and having three daughters who had a rather difficult time of it. But she was always wonderful in my eyes and I never stopped loving her.

She died 13 years ago, at 50, leaving behind her three daughters, and a sister who will always miss her. I do wonder how adoption must affect a person - I know that Maggy always wondered how her birth mother could have left her, and that she felt that she had been abandoned. She used to talk about looking for her, but felt that maybe she'd be rejected again, and so she never did.

I have always felt that my parents should not have adopted Maggy. She acquired a family, but it was not the right one for her to be in. This was back in 1956, and I guess that in those days, maybe social workers were few and far between, but really she was handed over to my parents with no screening whatsoever. My father told me that he was never interviewed, not even once. My mother just decided to do this on an impulse, and later, when the adoption was a "done deed", she turned on Maggy and sided with my other sister in every way. Poor Maggy never had a chance of happiness or normality with us.

Thanks for asking this question - I have often thought of how unfairly Maggy was treated all of her life. When people say that adoption was a good thing, that children got a good home, I think, well not all of them. Not my sister Maggy.

Answer 2

I know a couple who adopted their daughter. They'd never been able to have kids and adopted her from another country. Many of the young girls there end up on the streets and she has a wonderful life now. When she was about 3 they started having her 2 birthdays-the day she was born and the day she was adopted. I think this makes her know she's very special and very loved.

My dad's sister adopted a little girl also. We were good friends as kids, but lost touch as family members moved and passed on through the years. Last I heard she was trying to find her birth parents, but I'm not sure anyone was still around who could give her the information.

Answer 3

My husband and I were married 9 years when we adopted a 3 month old baby girl in 1975. She was the sweetest most beautiful child anyone ever had. We told her she was adopted from the time she was two and answered honestly any questions that she had. We always told her when she asked ,that she could put her name on a govt list to find her birth mother. She eventually contacted her birth mother and discovered she had a full brother and sister who had been adopted together . If there is more you want to know, let me know.

Answer 4

there was never any stigma about our adopition everyone in the family and all of our friends accepted her as our child as if i had gave birth to her myself. i adopted a beatuiful little girl 36 years ago, she was told from birth she was adopted and was never ever treated any different than our other child that i gave birth to. My daughter is a very smart, productive person in upper level management. When we brought our daughter home at 7 days the little 6yr old boy from next door came over with his mom to see our baby, he went home and asked his mom would she have chosen him if she did not have him. When my daughter would tell her friends that she was adopted as she was growing up, they would not believe her until they asked me, the mother. always the same, had to go home and asked their parents if they would have been chosen if they had a choice.

when she got old enough to start asking questions about her adoption i always answered them as honestly as i could, i gave her all the information that she could handle at the time of the question until she had all the information she needed if she ever choose to look for the birth person. i am her mother, a mother is the one who is there when you are puking and cleaning you and everything else up and is always there for you no matter what you did.

my daughter choose at the age 18 she did not want to locate the birth person, that i was her mother and she was happy with me. she choose that she really did not want to know because you never know what you will find when you open up an old possible ugly box.

hope this helps some, will answer anything about the adoption we did. it was the best thing in life we could have ever done. my daughter has married and given me 4 great wonderful grandchildren.

Answer 5

Adoption is a rich vein of gold running deep within my family. I guess that's why my husband and I had no second thoughts about adopting 2 older children at different times. One died of Cancer at 21 but the other has a family of her own now and of course 2 of our Grand children. Have openly talked about this many times already.
I do understand the stigma. My own Mother had a child out of wedlock, which she unwillingly placed for adoption. I search for her as we write this.

Answer 6

I met my wife when our oldest daughter was three. Her sperm donor was around a little bit when she was an infant, but was asked to leave when she was about six months and has never tried to make contact. I legally adopted her around the same time as I married my wife, and included her in the wedding as well - with vows - it was sweet.

Here's the cute story - we had been dating about a year, and I was picking her kiddo up from daycare. She was about 4 at that time. When I got her she said, Mark, all of the other kids get picked up by their daddies, will you be my daddy? I knew that I had to mean what I said - it was like one of those movie freeze frames where a long extended self reflection happens in the passing of no time. I said yes. She's now 13.

Answer 7

My cousin and her husband adopted a little boy and then a little girl from Africa. They already had a special needs daughter and a teenage son so this was a very big deal in many ways. These kids are all growing into really great people and I am so proud of the whole family.

Answer 8

My niece put her baby up for adoption years and years ago.(she was an unwed teen in a small town) . She did whatever you do to let him find her, but he hasn't responded.
I used to think I might be adopted...till my mother told me that if she had adopted a child it would have been a boy. Even to this day, I question my sisters about it. I was the last one..and my mother was overweight and didn't show.They didn't even know she was pregnant. But, I do see my features in my Daddy's pictures and some in my mother's pictures when she was young. She had black hair and I have blonde. I didn't want to be adopted, just felt like they didn't really want me.I guess they were tired...they were 41 when they had me. I know this isn't what you were asking for..just thought I'd throw it in anyway.

Answer 9

There are many adopted members in our family. One cousin has 2, another cousin has 1, and an aunt had 1. My closest friend was adopted as were her 2 other sisters. they do not know if they are biological sisters or not, since none can recall much. I have friends who adopted 2, another friend who adopted a son last year.

So lots and lots of family members.

I don't think this counts but my step father adopted me when I was 9

Answer 10

I asked a question like this a few days ago. From the responses I received, it seems the child suffers from the lack of genetic similarities in their family. But if the child is raised with a biological father, the child would at least have that on his side. However you would not want to go into this cheaply. Make sure the company you go through keeps decent records, you do not want to be without a medical history.