husband is inconsiderate to feelings?

Question

I had put pepsi in the fridge before I left for work today and he took them all and didn't put any back in fridge to be cold for when I got off work- when I calmly asks him why- he says: oops- forgot, didn't have time. but I make sure there are chips and things he likes when I go to the grocery store, he doesn't think of me when he eats all the chips or drinks the last pop. he won't do the dishes, when there is only a few- when there is alot he says: when you doing dishes? same with laundry. and I work 40hr week- just the same as him and seems he doesn't think about me at all. and then when I ask him if he thinks of me- he says yes, and he cares and loves me. but when he does these things and doesn't help with household things it makes me feel he don't think of my feelings. how to get him to put more pop in fridge when he takes last one? help with dishes when there are little to do? put 1 load of clothes in washer just to help start? he tells me he is too busy to do any of that!!!!

Answer 1

You are describing my son....lol. Sounds to me like your husband hasnt grown up yet. Maybe he was spoiled at home and he was never shown how to consider someone else's feelings. Maybe, dont buy him the stuff he likes....let him get it himself. Maybe he will get the message when you dont show him any small courtesy. If he wont be considerate, then you stop being considerate for him. Maybe when you stop pandering to him, he may just start to consider your feelings. Maybe buy yourself a little refrigerator and put a lock on it...then you will always have cold pepsi's. Im not joking, I have seen little fridges for $70. Im sure he would get the message if you did buy yourself another little fridge....lol

Answer 2

Whether you lived together or not before you got married, he behaved this way and you knew it. Asking him if he loves you doesn't get to the real issues now does it? Tell the man what you want. If you don't get it, decide if it is important enough to keep a feud going over or if you can live with the inconsideration you always knew was there, but somehow thought marriage was going to magically change. Surprise! It didn't and he most likely won't.

What you see is exactly what you get! Expect even less support when children come along. Don't delude yourself again with such notions as, "Oh, when he see little self-centered, jr., he'll just love him so much I KNOW he'll be a great dad and help all the time!"

Answer 3

Take him to church. Your Pepsi story is good and all, but is this really an ongoing thing? I can see the dishes being a stressor for you. You two need a date night. I was just like your husband about a year ago, and you were just like my wife. You really need to make time for each other where you really talk. If either of you feel like you are going to get loud, then you have to agree to step away, take a breather, and come back to finish the heart to heart talk. This talk needs to happen alot. You can't work on a marriage at bedtime, and between shouting matches over Pepsi and Doritos. You just need to have a griping session with an agreement to end it in a compromise on who will do what chore, who will make sure the Pepsi is cold, and who will take the trash out. This changed me, and I help out alot. You may also want to leave little Post-It notes on his steering wheel while he makes his changes... and once in a while, if you have to grab his chin and turn his face to look at you... that's just a guy thing, and is a part of our growing up, so go easy on him.

Answer 4

It sounds like he wants a maid rather than a wife. You need to get counseling to see if that helps and start changing things for a while. Don't buy pop but stop and get one can or bottle on the way home from work. Wash just your clothes and tell him there was no more room in the washer for his so he has to do them if he wants them washed. Get tv dinners so that you can just throw the containers away and have no dishes to wash - if he asks why tell him that you don't have time to do dishes. stop buying him chips and tell him that you forgot to.
He will either stop being so inconsiderate or will start complaining so that you will know that he wanted the maid as his wife and not you, and the you will know to file for divorce and find someone who will meet you half way in life.

Answer 5

Sweet pea, marriage is hard to a certain point but it's never supposed to be pain full and heart breaking. My advise is short and to the point...Try sitting down and let him know that he's ripping your heart out and something HAS to change! offer to try some counseling. maybe probing him to say what's got him all in an up roar will make him feel better thus, being nicer to you. If that don't work, maybe chock this up as an experience and move on. I would never! tell someone I love that I didn't or try and hurt that person on purpose. For him to tell you that he never loved you is a sure sign that the marriage is ending or he has something in mind. You need to get him to commit to the marriage, your feelings or get out but taking this kind of emotional abuse is bull sh*t, you don't need that crap in your life. the world is full of men that don't go out of his way to hurt the person he loves and you shouldn't settle for anything less! And believe it or not, this is short and to the point because I've seen this crap before and I could tell you a lot more about abusive relationships, I just helped a good friend leave one. good luck to you and keep your chin up and smile, no one can take that away from you. :)

Answer 6

Did we marry the same man?? Just kidding, lol. You already have some great answers men love to be praised, and they love to make us happy. Next time just say what you want. My husband hates to be nagged and he hates to feel like a child. So with that in mind I treat him like my husband. I ask him to do things, once, and then make sure it's appreciated. Like hey babe next time you take all the pop will make sure to put some in for me, I'd really appreciate it. (no sarcasm) Or hey I'm going to do the dishes your turn to dry and put away. Read The proper care and feeding of husbands by Dr. Laura Schlessinger she explains it so well.

Answer 7

My husband does the same thing. What I have learned is that they do not think like we do. We, as women, think it seems logical for them to realize how they can help out, but the truth is - they aren't even thinking about it. I had recently started a new job and new shift, so he was forced to help out. It took our house looking like trash before he realized I need help. Good luck!

Answer 8

Try this: When you want a pop, use ice.
When you need dishes, clean just enough for use.
When you need laundry, just do what you need.
Eventually he will either start to help out a little or he will succumb to living in a mess. My guess is that he will start to help you out more.

Answer 9

I think your problems as couple are deeper than just not putting pop in the fridge. Do you guys talk about these staff before getting married? did he promise he was going to do it? talk to him maybe he will change but if he doesn't do not let that get into you

Answer 10

these things sound like "pet peves"
everyone goes through them you just have to learn how to comprimise
you might try to praise him like you would a child if they have done something good
" Honey! you put the pepsi in the fridge like i asked! Thank you so much! that means alot to me!"
and then next time he takes the last one he may remember that and how much it meant to you and continue to do it

good luck