Feminists? How had or did your father influence your thinking?

Question

With regards to feminism, equality and empowerment? What legacy has he left for you in terms of beliefs and ideals?

Answer 1

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I like being on this site but I am HFA and equating another's actions in childhood with how I 'see' feminism can be quite difficult. I have to think of causes and effects in mechanical terms. I have to roll films in my head and learn in a concrete way. It isn't instinctual.

My father was an alcoholic amongst other things and drank himself into an early grave. He cheated on my mother and stalked her after they divorced and harassed the man she was seeing so the man she was seeing about 3 years after they broke up wouldn't see my mother anymore. He ruined her happiness - not that she was any better at making herself happy - but he bad-mouthed her and told us kids that she was a wh*re and that she was 'shacking up' with her new man and that he was going to take us away from him, etc. etc. etc. He kicked her down the stairs at her new house and she was living in a tiny studio above an old couple - one in a wheelchair - and I remember the man in the wheelchair telling my father to get off his porch.
I remember seeing my mother crying whilst she was holding the phone receiver, as she listened to my father telling some woman he was cheating with how 'stupid' my mother was and how he wished he didn't have her as a wife. My mother cried a lot when we were little. My father was married 7 times and cheated on every woman that he married.
Yep, I came from a broken home. He was also funny and made us laugh. He is dead now and I try to remember the few good things about him because now I see him for the flawed human that he was and whilst I never hated him, I could see that he hated himself and was essentially a child who happened to get married and have more children.

I suppose that, amongst other things, being HFA and more inclined to engineering and auto-mechanics and things like that, make it quite difficult to relate sometimes.

My father told me once: 'never let a man say he's too good for you'. I thought it strange at the time and I still don't understand it because the only kind of male attention I got when I was younger was being bullied and later when I got antibiotics for the acne, and my self-esteem was shot to hell, they would see a shapely body and a pretty face and just want to have sex with me and then pretend they were invisible. I have had a problem relating with male expectations my whole life but I don't think it is down to my father. I think it is more down to being HFA and attractive.
Men wanted to project all their desires and thoughts upon me and then blame me when I couldn't fit into the box THEY created.
It wasn't conscious on my part and I challenge any man not to become confused when a woman expects them to be a certain way and they can't deliver so they become confused but want so desperately to have love and that special someone in their life.

I live alone and have given up on finding anyone. I love my job and I look forward to seeing my 'boss' everyday and the people I work with. I don't waste my time on things that are illogical and serve only to hurt others and bring life down.

It would be nice if others could see life so clearly and understand they don't HAVE to hurt.

This was a ramble and I must say, my eyes teared up because I have a hang-over and I haven't thought about my father in years but I do remember the little girl tugging at her fathers trouser leg begging him not to go out and leave her and her little brother in the house alone again..

Gnu sense: Yes...Very high IQ type.

Answer 2

My biological father was never around. My stepfather, on the other hand, is a wonderful man. He and my mother both work and have seperate bank accounts to pay for the nonessentials that they want, as well as a joint account for household expenses and bills. My mother does the cleaning and laundry, my dad takes care of house repairs and yard work and the like. They split the cooking, because he loves to cook (and is better at it than my mom, but I would never tell her that!). He taught me that equality is about compromise and working together so that the household can function. He brags about my mother's dedication to her job, and laughs about her less than perfect housekeeping skills. He is a hardass on us "kids" (we're all grown and out of the house now), but really gentle and kind when you get down to it. He has always treated my sister and I exactly the same as his own kids. He is a respectful, traditional & modern man who I am proud to call dad.

I don't even know if I answered the question... seemed like a good opportunity to brag about the father I took for granted when I was younger.

RONNIE: Not sure why you are getting thumbs down - it sounds as though your father was a respectable, old fashioned man. I'm glad he taught you how to take care of business and still be compassionate to your family.

Answer 3

I can't help but smile when I think of my father. We never agree about a single thing, and his idea of encouragement was to tell me that I was too stupid to accomplish anything. Lucky for me, the motivation that works best on me is to tell me I CAN'T do something...it makes it imperative that I accomplish the goal just to prove people wrong.

I still wonder if my dad knew that, or if it just happened to work out that his style and mine were compatible? We'll probably never know, getting my dad to talk about something like that is almost impossible and I don't have that kind of idol time.

My father keeps me grounded. Anytime I think that equality has been reached, anytime I think that there isn't a reason to fight anymore, than I talk to my father and know that I have to keep fighting.

My father isn't a monster, he would give us kids the world if he could. He is a person who believes that men belong outside the home and women within it. He will never understand why men shouldn't be paid more than women, since they have to take care of their families. He will never understand why some women aren't happy being just wives and mothers.

My father gives me a chance to voice my arguments. He will make sexist statements just to try and make me angry, then laugh when it doesn't work. He listens, and then tells me why he thinks I'm wrong. He makes me a better person.

My father isn't exactly liberated, but he managed to make me a better person, and I think that's pretty great.

Answer 4

Growing up in the seventies and realizing that my brother received special treatment, my parents went into debt to put him through college, he could drive the family car anytime he wished, (females were not allowed to learn to drive) he even received more food than the females in the family. All of this when he was simply another family member, the females in the family were sent to work at an early age. We worked and put ourselves through college, my brother flunked out. I became a Feminist at college during a march for women called "Take back the night." Which was a march to protest the danger women faced when out alone in a city. When some men climbed up on some scaffolding during the march and urinated on us walking below that I began to realize just how difficult it was to be female.

Answer 5

My father is "out of the box" when it comes to love and liberalism for both men and women, which has greatly influenced my views on the same, he doesn't believe in labels or societal constraints on human interaction and gender "roles"...to him there is no such thing as roles that pertain to one gender or the other, there are only humans exchanging in deep and diverse ways...some compatible, some not. I agree in most part, but also like to incorporate my own sense of realism to that, as it is a lovely thought, but realistically, most people don't think that way, and that majority make up most of the "rules of engagement" that we have in society.

Edit: Lioness: remember I'm the evil twin. ;-)

Answer 6

By me wanting to become just like the women he was attracted to (my mom, ex girlfriends---a bit Freudian there), trying to meet up to the ideal woman he wanted me to be (educated, financially independent), giving me enough confidence as a parent, to demand respect and know my worth---personal as well as public situations. His relationship with my mother also taught me the importance of being a team. They divorced when I was one year old, but to this day, they continue to work as a team because they know the importance of each other's well-being for their daughter.

EDIT: Katiana: Do we have the same dad??? it sounds like mine lol

Answer 7

As an example of how not to be.

EDIT

HFA=High-functioning autism?

EDIT

One of my best friends was a woman with Asperger's as well as Prosopagnoisa and a ridiculously high IQ (higher than mine).

Answer 8

My dad is one of the most egalitarian, balanced people I know. He helped steer me away from hardcore partisan politics.

Answer 9

My dad has taught me that a man should be able to earn more than he needs to survive because he has a family to support. He taught me that a real man is defined by actions and words are just a fart in the wind. He taught me to be strong, confident, merciless in the outside world, but kind and gentle with wife and kids. He taught me to respect real women and run from fake ones. He was never a snag, he is a real man. And no... he didnt tell me jack about feminism...

Answer 10

My relationship with my father disempowered me as a child/woman.